Re: Age to let child out of sight?


nospam@spamme wrote:
>
> Am I being over protective?

If his developmental age is closer to 5 and you just moved there, no, I
don't think you are being overprotective.

It is a difficult situation to judge - I'm sure you're torn between
wanting your son to socialize/get exercise/have freedom, and keep him
safe. Have you considered getting a GPS chip installed in his head?
<just kidding... though sometimes I wish! wouldn't that make parenting
easier? > ;-)

If it were me, I suppose I would get to know these other boys a bit
better first. Invite them over to play in your yard. Defer their
requests to take your son in the woods by simply explaining since
you're new to the area, your son and you both need some more time to
become familiar with the woods first before you let him go without you.
Maybe they won't mind you tagging along once or twice, to see where
they go?

During these supervised play sessions, get to know the older boys
better. There may be one or two of them that isn't a rock thrower type.
Perhaps you might determine one of the neighbor boys has clicked with
your son in particular and would make a good trusted buddy for his
first foray out into the woods?

I have DD's not sons, but my oldest (nearly 13 now) has always
gravitated towards children with special needs and disabilities. She is
a highly sensitive, empathetic soul and has a tendency to connect with
people who are different, because she feels different too (i.e., she
has a unique perspective of the world which often puzzles children of
her own age who don't "get" her!)

At 9 or 10, you would probably have felt very comfortable about her
buddying up with your son, but *I* may have been concerned because,
like your son, my older DD can daydream and not be aware of her
surroundings! So if you do pick out such a boy, you might want to have
a chat with his parents first.

My younger DD11, OTOH, has long been the more responsible one who I
have no problems asking to "keep an eye out" on our 6-year-old next
door neighbor, or my friends' younger kids when they visit. She likes
to do it - makes her feel grown up. Overall, she is very good with
younger children.

Most of all, my advice is to trust your instincts. I think you're
asking the right question. Time will come when it is time to let go,
but your instincts seem to be on the mark, telling you, "perhaps not
*quite* yet."

And if you think *you're* overprotective, it took me until two weeks
ago to finally let my kids walk 1/2 mile to school without me. It is
true that the route is a busy city route, but I am probably behind on
this compared to parents with kids the same age.

Last year, it would have been my oldest DD walking alone, and as I said
above, she daydreams so much, I wasn't comfortable with that idea *for
her.* I'd walked with her numerous times, and the one time last year
that she was forced to walk back by herself (missed the bus, etc), she
called me three times because she was lost... clearly, when walking
with her mother, she didn't bother to learn the route! That's the way
she is. Also, until recently, she had been the type to wander aimlessly
across the street without checking first for traffic. So other kids
that age might be fine... but I know my DD. She wasn't ready until this
year. I was not being overprotective, I was being reasonable!

This year, she has her sister as a buddy, so I am finding myself much
more relaxed about it, knowing they are together. I walked the route
once with them before school started, noticed DD12 checked for cars at
every crossing, and that DD11 has an excellent memory and sense of
direction - she knew the way even though she's only walked it a handful
of times with me.

On the day of their first solo trip, I surprised myself by having zero
anxiety. I thought I'd be more worried, but the timing was right, and
my instincts knew it.

And you'll know when the time is right with your son, too!!

jen

.

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