Re: When Older Children Wear Diapers




joelny81 wrote:

>
> No, there was nothing else going on. But, I think in a way you're
> minimizing the situation. I don't think you're doing it intentionally
> however.

I guess I am having a hard time seeing this as a huge big deal.

Your father loved you. He took you with his on his shifts as bus driver
because he had to. I don't think most adults would *choose* to have
their 4-5 y-o routinely accompany them to work. He might well have been
doing this unofficially. He probably decided to use diapers as a matter
of caution. What if you needed to go urgently when the bus was late?
Little kids often have very little warning of when they need the
toilet...you have minutes to find a loo. If you had been caught short
on the bus, it would have been *a lot* more humiliating than diapers,
besides leaving him with the problem of cleaning the bus, cleaning you,
and explaining the whole thing to the riders on the bus. And fielding
complaints if any passengers complained. If he was doing it
unofficially, he could risk disciplinary action, or at the very least
being told to stop taking you.

> I knew I was too old to wear a diaper, and that I knew how to use the
> bathroom. Because of this, I couldn't understand why my Dad started
> diapering me again. Could you imagine being 4 up until 5 being
> undressed and diapered like a baby by your Dad when you knew how to use
> the bathroom? Even seeing the box of diapers in the living room upset
> me.

I can see why the 4 y-o you would not have understood. I don't
understand why the adult you are cannot understand. Little kids, even
when they are toilet trained, do have accidents. Preschools and
kindergartens all have routines for this. Also, they need to go more
frequently than adults, because they have small bladders. If you're in
a situation where you cannot cope with this (as on a bus), you take
precautions.

>
> This is why I take the situation so "seriously". I don't see how I
> could feel any other way.

You could try to see it from your father's POV.
That's why I asked if there was something else going on. If he was a
good father in every other way, I would be surprised that a 4 y-o
wouldn't trust him when he says that a diaper is necessary. And more
surprised that you hold it against him years later.

In your post you had said "I can see what
> your father might have been thinking: That the little
> boy that you were was just potty-trained (and he might not have known
> how reliably); that he couldn't stop the bus the way he could stop a
> car for a baby to take a potty-break; and he wouldn't be able to deal
> with a puddle en route." but the thing is I wasn't a baby. I was 4.
> When I see a 4-year-old and see how capable they are of expressing
> themselves and see their sense of pride, I wonder my Dad couldn't see
> the same qualities within yself.

I think you're mixing up different issues. 4 y-o kids are wonderful.
They can express themselves. They have interesting thoughts. They have
their pride. They also have small bladders.

What do you do when your 4 y-o suddenly yells out, Dad I need to go!
and you're hours from the bus station, and running late? Do you park
the bus at the nearest gas station, shout, "Excuse me, folks!" and grab
your kid and take him to the toilet? Leaving the bus unattended?

>
> Even today I
> feel as though I was put back in diapers b/c my parents thought I was
> intellectually deficient. I fail to see why else a parent would put a
> diaper on a boy until 5 years of age. (He started putting me back in
> them at 4, but it continued until I began school)

Intellectual ability and bladder control aren't usually correlated,
except in certain medical conditions.

>
> I have to admit though, seeing that you perhaps thought my Dad's
> decision may have been justified caused me to feel a sense of relief.
> I have no idea why. I know what that experience did to me, but it made
> me feel like maybe my Dad didn't do something that HE KNEW was bound to
> hurt me. I've only spoken to my dad twice since I confronted him b/c I
> felt as though he didn't care about this. But, I still love my Dad in
> my own way even though I try not to.

Why on earth would you "try not to" love your dad if he loved and loves
you? If he wasn't abusive? Are you going to go through life holding a
grudge about diapers when you were 4-5 years old?

Something doesn't ring true here. Either there was something else going
on, or this story is out here for purposes of discussion.

Rupa

.



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