"Katzenkrankheiten" (englisch)

Hallo!

Im von mir abonnierten Newsletter "Petwarmers" wurden heute ein paar
"Katzenkrankheiten" vorgestellt, und ich wollte die Informationen
lieber gleich weiterleiten, damit im Fall eines Falles die korrekte
Behandlung eingeleitet werden kann. Ich hoffe, man nimmt mir nicht zu
übel, dass ich etwas Englischsprachiges hier reinstelle.

Gruß,
Franziska

IRRITABLE LAP SYNDROME

Symptoms: The cat appears unable to settle comfortably on laps,
instead treading, kneading, rearranging itself, fidgeting,
vocalizing, getting up and turning around, falling off lap and
getting back on again, attacking magazines, needlework, computer
keyboard, telephone etc.

Treatment: Immediate treatment is essential. Drop whatever you
are doing (literally if need be) and give 100% attention to the
sufferer otherwise symptoms may escalate and become quite distressing
to the lap-owner. Only prolonged attention will cure an attack of
Irritable Lap Syndrome. Like Collapsible Legs this syndrome is
incurable, although attacks may be effectively treated as and when
they occur.
_____________________

LAP FUNGUS DISORDER

Symptoms: Having taken over a human lap, the cat proceeds to
spread in all planes. This may be accompanied by secondary symptoms
such as high volume purring, dribbling, kneading and snoring. The
condition is highly contagious and several fungoid cats may infest a
lap simultaneously.

Treatment: Topical treatment with proprietary anti-fungals is
ineffective. Prompt treatment (as per Irritable Lap Syndrome) is
required to alleviate the worst symptoms although in a number of
cats, such treatment actually exasperates the condition. This
disorder manifests itself periodically through the affected cat's
life and there is no long-term cure.
_____________________

SMURGLING

Symptoms: Varied: sucking at clothing, owners earlobes/
nose/fingers/skin, drooling, glazed expression. Often accompanied by
kneading and high volume purring.

Treatment: Ultimately incurable. It is possible to remove
smurglable items from around the cat. The ailment may be transmitted
to humans in the form of large laundry bills, misshapen clothing and
chapped skin.
_____________________

GREEBLINGZ

Symptoms: Random dashes through to helter-skelter running
through house in pursuit of unseen prey. Greeblingz are believed to
be non-visible entities and some authorities have linked them to UFO
sightings or feel that they may be diminutive other-dimensional
beings. Cats suffering from greeblingz typically have wild-eyed
expressions. There is a minor danger of greeblingz attaching
themselves to humans; if a cat tackles such greeblingz, injury to
humans may result. A very few cats are naturally immune.

Treatment: None known. Anti-epileptics are ineffective as the
condition appears unrelated to other forms of seizure. Avoid getting
in the way of a cat engaged in greebling hunting. Attacks usually
subside spontaneously, perhaps as greeblingz return to their own
dimension. These irritating creatures are not visible to human eyes,
but no doubt the superior sight and hearing of cats enables them to
see them.

.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Bladder dysfunction in M.S. -- LONG!
    ... types of bladder/urinary symptoms. ... Bladder Dysfunction Associated With Multiple Sclerosis ... The treatment options for this disorder are largely medical ... catheter was a looming prospect. ...
    (alt.support.mult-sclerosis)
  • Lyme treatment at center of debate
    ... "The debate about the existence of chronic Lyme — ... Lyme disease, the tick-borne illness, is difficult to diagnose. ... It's the treatment that lies at the center of the ... Symptoms may subside after treatment, ...
    (sci.med.diseases.lyme)
  • Re: SONOFABITCH!
    ... treatment I've heard of for symptomatic rabies is induced coma.....what ... after being bit with no symptoms vs. immediately or the next day. ... to get the rabies vaccine just in case". ... animals it might be a more widespread problem though........ ...
    (rec.sport.football.college)
  • Re: SONOFABITCH!
    ... treatment I've heard of for symptomatic rabies is induced coma.....what ... after being bit with no symptoms vs. immediately or the next day. ... to get the rabies vaccine just in case". ... Ditto for farm animals. ...
    (rec.sport.football.college)
  • Re: NBC........Sopranos last night (SPOILERS)
    ... an inner being that tells him what he does is wrong. ... It's the reason behind the symptoms. ... Back to the very beginning and the panic attacks, Tony has lived and been ... lap of a man who does such terrible things appalled her. ...
    (rec.music.artists.springsteen)