Why Does Apple Hate Me?

If your idea of fun is jerking off to the lastest wonderful Apple
gizmos then don't bother reading any further. I know I shouldn't
burden other people with my troubles but I am just so amazed at how
arrogant and unthinking Apple is in its design philosophy and, being
unable to use my brand spanking new Macbook Pro (Ha! Surely there must
be a law against blatant misuse of words like that!) I thought I would
have a rant in your general direction using my trusty, slightly rusty
but user friendly-ish Toshiba.

Ever since I used one of the early Big Macs at work in the mid-80s I've
liked Apples but never actually bought one. Well, I bought a mini-iPod
a couple of years ago but not a computer. Till today.

Alarm bells started ringing when I was investigating the various
options available. During the week I live (make that "survive") in an
apartment hotel (another misuse of language, it's a room with a kettle)
and the accent is on cheap. Which is fine by me but cheap means no
phone. And no phone connection point. So, in order to access the
internet, at first I used the nearby HotSpot but at ? 8 an hour it's
hard to justify idle browsing. So a couple of months ago I took out a
contract for a GPRS card. For two years, so I'm kind of tied in.

Apparently, nobody at Apple has ever considered the idea that you might
want to access the internet outside of a city, worse, away from
civilization - for example, sitting in a field or, oh, I dunno, how
about in a hotel where the connection cost is as much as the room. No
PCMCIA slot. Apple has always presented itself as a religion and I
guess they're thinking that if you switch from Windows you should
divest yourself of all those nasty wordly things like PCMCIA cards that
allow your laptop to be a useful tool rather than a fashion accessory.


You know, there's more to successful design than coming up with cutesy
stuff like magnetic power cords (OK I like it, I like it) and nice
logos (what's with those stickers in the box how gauche is that?).

As well as considering those trendies who became your main source of
income once the geeks left, you should consider those of us who don't
reside in a world where wireless is on every corner and who actually
want to be free of stuff like that. I don't have a bluetooth phone,
well I do but as is the way with phones now it's bigger than I want
because it's full of - to me - useless functionality. So, I'm not
about to carry it around just to access the internet as I'm quite happy
with my old fashioned slim-line phone that fits nicely in my shirt
pocket. I gave up using a mobile phone modem years ago fer chrissakes
- hallo Apple! Wake up! It's an unwieldy and clunky (literally)
solution when simpler ones are available. Providing you don't have an
Apple laptop of course.

Apple, presumably, thinks that because PCMCIA cards are soo-oo
yesterday. Wtf an I supposed to do with this, what is it, Express Card
thing? Nobody makes any cards for it, nor - as far as I can tell - do
they intend for accessing the net.

OK, enough already, I thought I had come to terms with that problem but
it rankles every time I find fascist companies who dictate in that way
and is one part of the double whammy Apple has handed me. Make that,
*sold* me. So, I admit that I knew that my new Apple would restrict
me but I was prepared to use my old laptop until I move into an
apartment in a month or two and can access the web by more conventional
means. Not sure what I'll do with the card but I suppose I'll carry my
old laptop around and use the Apple at home which is what I bought it
for anyway - graphics, video, publishing the stuff you used to
associate with Apple.

The thing that has really got my goat and - were it not for the fact
that I have to pay off the ? 3000 plus over the next 15 months on a
lease would have sent the damn thing through the window - is that
Apple's software designers have just the same unthinking arrogant
attitude to their customers as the hardware guys. Having worked in
software and system development for twenty years I'm well used to
meeting people out of touch with reality and their customers but these
guys take the biscuit. They are so waaaayyy out their with the fairies
they probably have rings of stars circling their heads. Watching said
stars being, presumably, what occupies them rather more than giving
real consideration to their design decisions. "More magic mushrooms?
Hey, I know, let's do away with the PCMCIA slot...". "Yeah, great,
whatever... these mushrooms are really nice... hey, look at those
pretty stars..."

OK, here we go. Deep breath, try not to explode... Guess what these
stupid people have told their stupid f*cking machine to do? To stop me
from doing anything until I'm a good boy and connect the f*cking thing
up to the f*cking internet and register it. [Pause for a quick scream]
AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! I mean, is there a law now that says you
can't use a computer without being connected to the internet fer
chrissakes?! What are these people thinking of? Oh yeah, the stars,
sorry...

Jeez, I may be getting old but thank God even when I'm riddled with
Parkinson's and mistaking the toilet bowl for my supper I'll never be
as out of touch as these eejits.

So, anyway, I tried every combination of keys possible to kill this
annoying intro (that looks like some kid threw it together as and end
of term project incidentally) and get into the command line and maybe
circumvent it. But without success as they've sewn it up tight. Even
so, I would dearly like to use it. Any ideas? Or should I leave it in
the cupboard for 15 months and put it down to experience? ;-) Yeah I
know, but I was already in slob mode so wasn't about to get dressed up
to go down to put money in the machine to get time on-line. Which is
what you have to do - get an itty bitty bit of paper with a PIN on it.
Apple probably designed that one. Damn it! I won't connect to the
internet till I'm ready - there's a principal at stake here and I'm fed
up with machines telling me what to do.

Cheers

UD

P.S. I promised a colleague earlier today that I would avoid
installing XP and persevere but I brought the system disks with me so
if that damn thing doesn't start co-operating soon it will wake up one
day and find it's just another ordinary old laptop. ***, I expect the
Thought Police already covered that one, right?

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