Dvorak Writes Stupidest Computer Article Of All Time

Hey Mac Advocates!

I have been taking a break from this madhouse for a while. Not much has
changed. Looks like we have a new troll-tard on the loose named Homey@
or Homey! or whatever. You know you're going to get an objective,
intelligent, fair and balanced opinion from someone who titles there
posts 'Why Macs Suck!' and 'Mac's Blow' (which should read 'Macs Blow'
for those who prefer grammatically correct English).

Keep up the good work Homey! The more you open your mouth the more you
demonstrate the kind of people who prefer Windows PCs and the more you
help Mac advocacy!

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OK, here is why I'm posting: On February 15th computer columnist John C.
Dvorak wrote what I consider to be the official, the ultimate, the
definitive, stupidest computer article of all time. This is not only a
record low for computer commentary, but a record low for computer
publishing as a whole. Shame on PC Magazine for publishing this piece of
excrement! Shame on them paying Dvorak to write it!! I would really like
to rant about just what I think of Dvorak for foisting this idiotic
dreck on the public, but who needs a defamation lawsuit? Suffice it to
say my opinion of him is as low as my opinion of his writing. And yes
folks, if you enjoy my jolly, crafty, sharp-witted, sarcastic and
amusing form of ranting, you will get to read some after the article.

Here is where you can find Dvorak's dimwitted perpetration:
<http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1895,1925239,00.asp>
But please don't feed Dvorak's ego or PC Magazine's unworthy coffers by
visiting the site! Get your laughs by reading the excerpts below:

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Will Apple Adopt Windows?
02.15.06
This would be the most phenomenal turnabout in the history of desktop
computing.
There's just one fly in the ointment.

By John C. Dvorak


The idea that Apple would ditch its own OS for Microsoft Windows came to
me from Yakov Epstein, a professor of psychology at Rutgers University,
who wrote to me convinced that the process had already begun. I was
amused, but after mulling over various coincidences, I'm convinced he
may be right. This would be the most phenomenal turnabout in the history
of desktop computing.

Epstein made four observations. The first was that the Apple Switch ad
campaign was over, and nobody switched. The second was that the iPod
lost its FireWire connector because the PC world was the new target
audience. Also, although the iPod was designed to get people to move to
the Mac, this didn't happen. And, of course, that Apple had switched to
the Intel microprocessor.

Though these points aren't a slam-dunk for Epstein's thesis, other
observations support it. The theory explains several odd occurrences,
including Apple's freak-out and lawsuits over Macintosh gossip sites
that ran stories about a musicians' breakout box that has yet to be
shipped. Like, who cares?

But if Apple's saber-rattling was done to scare the community into
backing off so it wouldn't discover the Windows stratagem, then the
incident makes more sense. As does Bill Gates's onscreen appearance
during Apple's turnaround when Jobs was taking a pot of money from
Microsoft. The Windows stratagem may have been a done deal by then. This
may also explain the odd comment at the Macworld Expo by a Microsoft
spokesperson that Microsoft Office will continue to be developed for the
Mac for "five years." What happens after that?

This switch to Windows may have originally been planned for this year
and may partly explain why Adobe and other high-end apps were not ported
to the Apple x86 platform when it was announced in January. At Macworld,
most observers said that these new Macs could indeed run Windows now.

Bigger companies than Apple have dropped their proprietary OSs in favor
of Windows?think IBM and OS/2. IBM also jumped on the Linux bandwagon
over its own AIX version of Unix. Business eventually trumps
sentimentality in any large company.

Another issue for Apple is that the Intel platform is wide open, unlike
the closed proprietary system Apple once had full control over. With a
proprietary architecture, Apple could tweak the OS for a controlled
environment without worrying about the demands of a multitude of
hardware add-ons and software subsystems. Windows, as crappy as many
believe it to be, actually thrives in this mishmash architecture.
Products, old and new, have drivers for
Windows above all else. By maintaining its own OS, Apple would have to
suffer endless complaints about peripherals that don't work.

As someone who believed that the Apple OS x86 could gravitate toward the
PC rather than Windows toward the Mac, I have to be realistic. It boils
down to the add-ons. Linux on the desktop never caught on because too
many devices don't run on that OS. It takes only one favorite gizmo or
program to stop a user from changing. Chat rooms are filled with the
likes of "How do I get my DVD burner to run on Linux?" This would get
old fast at Apple.

Apple has always said it was a hardware company, not a software company.
Now with the cash cow iPod line, it can afford to drop expensive OS
development and just make jazzy, high-margin Windows computers to
finally get beyond that five-percent market share and compete directly
with Dell, HP, and the stodgy Chinese makers.

To preserve the Mac's slick cachet, there is no reason an executive
software layer couldn't be fitted onto Windows to keep the Mac look and
feel. Various tweaks could even improve the OS itself. From the Mac to
the iPod, it's the GUI that makes Apple software distinctive. Apple
popularized the modern GUI. Why not specialize in it and leave the grunt
work to Microsoft? It would help the bottom line and put Apple on the
fast track to real growth.

The only fly in the ointment will be the strategic difficulty of
breaking the news to the fanatical users. Most were not initially
pleased by the switch to Intel's architecture, and this will make them
crazy.

Luckily, Apple has a master showman, Steve Jobs.

<<Blah Blah Blah>>

----------

Derek Sez:

Here is where I get to do my blethering routine. Hopefully it will help
point out the stupidest points of this travesty of an article. Enjoy!

1) None of the points made by Yakov Epstein make sense. Clearly this
leads one to wonder just how discerning Dvorak is of the ignorant
ravings he receives from fans. And yes, I am here to prove that Yakov
Epstein is ignorant about Apple:

A) "the Apple Switch ad campaign was over, and nobody switched."
Well, DUH! The 'Switch' campaign was created by the worst of all
possible Marketing Morons. They put Heidi the pot head valley girl in
front of the famous Apple white screen for lord's sake! Bullet-in-foot.
Oops Apple! Your aim is as good as *** Cheney's!

B) "the iPod lost its FireWire connector because the PC world was the
new target audience." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
i) Apple made USB standard on Macintosh over a year before it
became standard on Windows PC boxes!!!! OVER A YEAR!!! So stuff that
moronic assertion Dvorak.
ii) Apple published for every dummy to read that FireWire was only
dropped because the dramatically slimmer size of the latest iPods could
only fit one port type. Thanks to Apple proving that USB should become a
standard on ALL computers it has become the most common port interface.
And it happens to be a fact that the hardware for USB is smaller in
profile than FireWire. So of course Apple would choose USB! Duh Dvorak!
Duh!

C) "the iPod was designed to get people to move to the Mac, this
didn't happen"
i) The first assertion here is pure invention. You might even
consider it an outright lie! NEVER has Apple even mentioned there was
any intended, let alone coincidental, relationship between sales of
iPods and sales of the Macintosh.
ii) Nonetheless a relationship between iPod sales and Mac sales
HAS resulted! The press has noticed and dubbed it 'The Halo Effect'. The
result has been a near doubling (did I say DOUBLING?! Yes I did!) of
Macintosh market share. So BITE ME DVORAK!

D) "And, of course, that Apple had switched to the Intel
microprocessor." And this is related to Apple dumping Mac OS X for
Windows HOW? This inference is 100% vacuous nonsense. There is no cause
and effect here. Only an idiot would connect going Intel with going
Windows. Linus Torvalds went Intel! Funny how he never went Windows. He
went Linux.

2) The rest of the article is a tragic look into the mind of a man
desperate to write an article about nothing-at-all and manipulate his
readers into eating it, swallowing it, digesting it, and believing it.
Well sorry Dvorak. I read your perpetrated trash and vomited. How dare
you insult the intelligence of the computer community!!!

Let's list a few of the tragic aspects of Mr. Dvorak's unprecedented
stupid article:

A) Dvorak asserts that Apple's protection of proprietary information
means Apple are going to switch to Windows. Hmm. Maybe the fact that
Microsoft keep getting themselves into trouble with the European Union
for not releasing their APIs to developers means they are going to
switch to Mac OS X!

B) Dvorak asserts that a collection of mysterious events, going back
to Gates showing his face on a screen at MacWorld several years ago
means Apple are going to switch to Windows. Funny, I thought they were
signs of the apocalypse!

Let me digress a second and point out that Bill Gates had a very red
face that day, hidden behind layers of makeup. His company had just been
caught red-handed stealing QuickTime code from one of Apple's hired
developers. Rather than have their ass sued off, Bill Gates sat down
face to face with Steve Jobs and had dictated to him by Jobs exactly
what was going to happen: (1) In compensation for stealing the QuickTime
code, Microsoft were going to lend (L E N D) Apple some money which was
to be paid back in the form of stock that would mature a couple years
later. Jobs let Gates off dirt easy if you ask me. (2) Microsoft would
not only continue to develop Office for Mac, they would improve it to
the point that Office for Mac would have its own division within MS,
allowing Office to take advantage of specific Apple technology, making
it in many ways superior to the version for Windows. (3) Apple and
Microsoft would share API code with one another allowing Office to work
better with Macintosh, and allowing Apple's QuickTime, and eventually
iTunes, to work well with Windows. --An awful lot of nonsense and lies
have been told about this now famous meeting and its outcome. Certainly,
I can't pretend to present anything here but hearsay, but I can say that
I did my homework, stated facts and made intelligent inferences. That
level of thought is apparently way over the head of Dvorak.

C) Dvorak asserts that Adobe (and Quark) not making immediate
Universal Binary versions of their apps right this very moment means
Apple are going to switch to Windows. OMG is this moronic. Dopey Dvorak
can't even remember what happened the last time Apple changed its code
base! The Mac moved to Mac OS X. Adobe did not for over a full year.
Quark did not for TWO years!!!

D) Dvorak asserts that Apple has and will have endless complaints
about peripherals that don't work in Mac OS X. No! I dumped Windows
boxes in 1992 and NOT ONCE have I ever complained about not being able
to run all the peripherals I could ever want on my many Macs. I don't
know anyone else who has either! I have been a member of MacFixIt for
years! Do I see people complaining about peripherals not running on
Macs? No! I am afraid not Mr. Dvorak! From what orifice do you pull this
stuff? Example: Ever heard of Gimp-Print Mr. Dvorak? Look it up! Be sure
you have your Depends on when you do! It is going to be a wet experience.

E) His outrageousness then asserts that since (D) above must be true,
Apple are going to switch to Windows, well known to be THE HOME OF PLUG
AND PRAY HELL. Yeah right. Sure, I'll buy your bridge Mr. Dvorak... NOT.

F) Dvorak asserts that because Apple make massive moolah from the
iPod they are going to switch to Windows. Better lay off the aluminum
Mr. Dvorak. You brain seems to be rotting.

G) Dvorak asserts that because Apple could plaster the appearance of
Mac OS X on top of the horror that is the base code of Windows, Apple
are going to switch to Windows. Isn't there some Aesop fable about this?
Maybe I am thinking about the wolf in sheep's clothing. But in this case
it would be a flatulent wart hog in Prada designer clothing. Sure, that
makes sense. That could happen.

H) I really love this last one, the oh-so-typical Dvorak knife in the
ribs of the many millions (!) who say they actually like their
Macintosh. Let me quote:

The only fly in the ointment will be the strategic difficulty of breaking the
news to the fanatical users. Most were not initially pleased by the switch to
Intel's architecture, and this will make them crazy.

No actually. This article makes them laugh at you Mr. Dvorak. You have
made a clown our yourself. All of us will remember this article as the
one that ruined your reputation forever. Laugh at the clown children.
Once upon a time people took him seriously. They learned better.


As I posted in the forum at the PC Magazine site:

For the truly faint of heart: Remember this: You can be forever
Microsoft-Free as long as there are superior alternatives. Right now the
best alternative is Mac OS X. If it is ever put into the grave the
second best superior alternative will take over, that being Linux. And
if someone kills that there will ALWAYS be some flavor of Unix around
for the cognoscente to use that will unquestionably be better than that
holey, unholy mess called Windows.


:-Derek

--
Fortune Magazine, 11-29-05: What's your computer setup today?
Frederick Brooks: I happily use a Macintosh. It's not been equalled for ease
of use, and I want my computer to be a tool, not a challenge.
<http://www.fortune.com/fortune/print/0,15935,1135298,00.html>
[Frederick Brooks is the author of 'The Mythical Man Month'. He spearheaded
the movement to modernize computer software engineering in 1975]
.