Re: Vegas Wolf-June 14
- From: "DocTCW" <doctcw@xxxxxxx>
- Date: 14 Jun 2006 08:19:57 -0700
That was no whale nor Oprah, but a very large alligator. I keep telling
you guys that alligators are rampant on the strip!
Tom
maxwolf wrote:
THE VEGAS WOLF-KNOWS THE CITY LIKE THE PALM OF HIS HAND
From the pages of the Sin City Senior Tattler
Big bust: Las Vegas Metro Police announced a major con artist bust this
morning. 37 scam artists representing themselves as priests begging
money from tourists were arrested today after they were lured into an
alley near the Imperial Palace by 10 male prostitutes posing as altar
boys
Monorail sold! Citing low ridership, poor quality, and ever-expanding
costs, the Las Vegas Monorail has been sold to Amtrak. Amtrak CEO
Walter Barret vows to make changes learned from his years at Amtrak.
Beginning in November, trains will run on the hour, give or take 4 or 5
hours, have piped in urine scented air, and feature stereotypical
employees shuffling around half asleep and generally pissing off the
riders with their bad attutudes
Loch Como? Tourists were frightened this past Saturday night after
reports were filed that a large, dark, whale-like object was spotted in
Bellagio's Lake Como. After receiving at least 20 police calls,
officers arrived at the lake and did in fact capture the creature using
a tranquilizer dart. Fears were calmed when hotel officials issued a
statement that guest Oprah Winfrey had participated in a little late
night skinny dipping and she was sleeping off the dart effects in her
room. They also stated that Ms Winfrey planned to proceed with her
planned day of hiking on Mt. Charlston Tues.
Mt. Charlston park rangers remain puzzled by the tremendous number of
Bigfoot sightings reported on Mt Charlston this past Tuesday. One call
reported a large, dark Bigfoot-like creature entering a camp and
ravishing the camper's fried chicken platter. More later as this
develops
Hooters plans another casino: Due to the overwhelming popularity of the
Hooters property, owners of the corporation plan an expansion similar
to Sam's Town. "Titty City" will be built adjacent to Slots-O-Fun
Aqueducts tapped as revenue source: Resourceful city council
individuals have come up with a surefire revenue generator. Researching
the history of homeless drownings in the city's aqueducts during
sudden downpours, council persons have appropriated funds to turn the
structures into a city-wide water slide. Councilman Arlo Fark
stated," Every so often a big rainstorm comes along and flushes some
of those street people from one end of town to the other. Needless to
say, folks really complain about having all those filthy, toothless
dudes floating by their homes and scarring the kids. So we came up with
a plan to flush the system and offer the ride to tourists in one
shot." The Bums-O-Fun Water Slide is expected to be up and running
by August 2007.
The Make A Wish Foundation is suing the Bellagio, Mirage and Paris
casinos. The suit claims these casinos "Are blatantly allowing
tourists to make wishes by the throwing of small change into their
pools." The foundation has presented research proving such wishes do
not come true and have released a portion of the failed wish data:
100% wish to become rich on their visit= 0% fulfillment
85% wish to get laid by a showgirl= 4% fulfillment
75% wish to have hangover go away= 12% fulfillment
67% wish to make wife dead= 4% fulfillment
87% wish to not let Fox Network air the episode in which wisher gets
blown by male prostitute= 1% fulfillment
OomPaPa, the dueling tuba lounge at the Venetian is closing July1st.
Entertainment director, Larry Wienman said, "The place just lacked
the 'fun factor' we had hoped for. Diners really objected to all
the flying saliva once the dueling began." The hotel is remodeling
the space to house "Café Cachexia" the first Vegas restaurant
targeting anorexics.
David Blaine to appear in Vegas; Master illusionist, David Blaine has
survived such daring stunts of being buried alive, caked in ice and
sealed in a water-filled bubble. Come August he will attempt his most
deadly feat ever. The magician will be on the serving line and
suspended in a 400-gallon vat of Circus Circus Buffet chili. Blaine
vows to remain there until diners deplete the pot.
Riding the popularity of Las Vegas' obsession with the Titanic
disaster, developers announced plans for the new resort/casino "La
Tragedia." The resort will feature Twin Towers (airport check-in not
available), the Tsunami Wave Pool, the Flamin' Hindenburg ride atop
the building, and restaurants Che Auschwitz, Dahmer's Steakhouse,
and Jimmy Jones Koolaidaritaville, Israeli public transportation buses
will be available to shuttle guests to other casinos with the exception
of the Aladdin.
The Italian/American Defamation League has won a judgment against the
Nevada Highway Department for its use of the term 'Spaghetti
Junction" describing a confluence of I-15 and I-95. Department
officials are working on changing this slur from "Spaghetti
Junction" to "Wop Way."
.
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