Re: He's BAAAAACK!

"Steve Harder-Kucera" <steve@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:8p9jr1d9el0r78l0hif8bk9dnb8vobv98s@xxxxxxxxxx

> First of all, why does it take you two or more posts to respond? Was
> "go *** yourself Steve" not the rapier comeback you had desired.

a simple "go *** yourself" can be so droll --- don't you think? Now a well
thought out "go *** yourself", sans the cuss words, is so much sweeter to
read. Why it seems like just yesterday I read what was likely the best ever
usnet body slam ever.

See if this rings a bell wid anyone here ----



Newsgroups: alt.vacation.las-vegas
From: Steve Harder-Kucera <s...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> - Find
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Date: Fri, 05 Nov 2004 23:10:51 GMT
Local: Fri, Nov 5 2004 3:10 pm
Subject: Re: Ellis Island - VERY bad experience!!
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On Fri, 5 Nov 2004 11:52:43 -0800, "Big Mikey" <mikem4...@xxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:



>Steve, Steve, Steve.

>You are a wonderful banjo player and musician. But you stink (with all due
>respect) as a person who understands how to and maintain a business..



Mike, Mike, Mike,

I have yet to discover what you are wonderful at, but you are an
absolute jackass when it comes to human relations. And I say that with
all due respect, which is zero.


I built my business from scratch, literally zero working capital, and
in a few short years I have a developed a substantial and extremely
loyal customer base. That deals with the initial part of your post
which is, as usual, bull***.


But since the cat is out of the bag and you've chosen to attack my
business acumen perhaps this is a good time for me to retaliate and
say what has been on my, and many others', minds.


How many times have you posted here that "those who have met me will
say (fill in the accolades here)". Have you ever noticed that, with
the exception of Don Strevel, nobody who has met you has ever chimed
in to defend you. Perhaps you haven't noticed, but I have. The reason
for that is simple; we had chosen not to participate in a dogpile that
was not going in your favor. Notice the "had", as in past tense. We
have obviously decided to change our positions and it seems I may be
the last holdout from the elite group of people who have "met you".


That having been said, here goes.


I have met some boring, boorish and obnoxious people in my time. I'm
not prepared to crown you as the "most" in the above categories but
you have such consistently high marks in all of them that you have
definitely cracked in to the top 5. Try as I might I cannot recall the
other 4, but I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.


Let me recount for the reading public my own personal experience and
opinion of you. We met for the first time at an Andrew event and you
spent most of the conversation talking about yourself. Not unusual
since a review of your posts all contain multiple references to me, I
and myself. Strange habits for someone who claims to not care what the
rest of us think of you.


(Sidebar: Citing the fact that you have relatives in the armed forces
as an example of why you are a badass was freaking laughable. My dad
was a drill sgt in the Marines, that doesn't make me a badass.
Unrelated to my current rant but a classic example of the enormity of
your jackassitude).


Where was I. Oh yes, despite the fact that we held a fairly
protracted, yet entirely un-scintillating, conversation at the first
event, when I walked up to you and extended my hand at the next event
a few months later you didn't recognize me and even asked if we had
ever met before. In and of itself a non-issue. Taken as a whole with
the rest of your boorish behavior, quite telling indeed.


You met my wife at this years soiree. Not realizing that holding a cup
of water under your armpit may have some level of unexpected (or
perhaps obvious to the rest of us) consequences you shook her hand.
She is short, 4' 10", you are not. You leaned over to shake her hand,
gravity did its thing and you poured water on her leg and dress shoes.
We're polite, we didn't say anything. Still wouldn't have said
anything until I read the post I'm responding to now.


Goddamn you are a jackass. Re-read the way you started your response
to me and see if you can convince me otherwise.


(Sidebar: Since we are on the subject of my wife, it's considered
inappropriate to comment about Filipinas and make reference to their
sexual attitudes as you did in an earlier post a few days ago. If you
knew anything about the people of the Phils you would know that they
are in fact very religious, very conservative, very modest and very
old-school by American standards.)


But I digress. Shall I continue. Thank you, I will.


The next bit of wife-related boorishness reads as follows:


The Soiree is a non-AVLV event that is attended by some of the
regulars here. We have an unspoken rule to minimize if not eliminate
all discussion of the goings on here at AVLV. Even the mysterious
Chuck personae has not in the past pierced that veil, that implied
contract among friends.


That contract went out the window this time and it was all about you
baby. I believe it was at that event that I first uttered the infamous
words to one Mr. Andrew from Alabama "Never having met Chuck, I would
rather spend an hour of conversation with him over drinks than another
5 minutes with Mike".


To be fair to the group we were not discussing your behavior in the
context of what goes on here, but rather in the context of your
behavior at the event. Any discussion of your behavior here was purely
ancillary embellishment.


Clue number 1. Andy and I are pretty good friends. It's okay, within
reason, for me to rib him about his profession and place of residence.
It's okay for him to rib me about my profession and avocations.
However, I have enough people skills to know that it is not okay to
go up to his wife after just meeting her and slamming her husband, his
profession and his place of residence. You lack those basic skills and
committed yet another major social gaffe. That was the source I
believe of the Mikey related conversations that followed.


I promised more wife-related boorishness and so you shall have it dear
readers:


Again, the Soiree is not an AVLV event. My wife, in an attempt to make
polite small talk with you, asked where you live. (I think the rest of
you guys can see where this is going). That is a perfectly appropriate
and innocent question to ask at an event that is attended mostly by
out-of-towners. Upon asking those sacred words "Where do you live" my
wife quickly looked at me with eyes that said "Why is this guy
freaking out?". Your reaction to the question was as predictable as
it was hysterical. You threw your head back in frustration and the
tone of your voice raised (slightly) as you started pronouncing "I
keep telling you people, I live at the Lakes. In Las Vegas Nevada.
mutter..mutter...muttter".


I forgot the rest as I had to quickly start 'splaining to my wife why
you were having such an intense reaction to a simple question. I then
had to 'splain to you that not everyone at this event is going to be
up to speed on your little online soap opera, you fucking moron.


(Clarification: I didn't say fucking moron at the time. Please read
the above sentence as <past tense> I then had to 'splain to you that
not everyone at this event is going to be up to speed on your little
online soap opera,</past tense> <present tense> you fucking moron.
</present tense>


Apropos of nothing but humorous nonetheless, I recall Andrew and I
mutually 'splaining to you that your little problems here at AVLV were
problems of your own making and that it was in fact your actions that
had caused things to escalate to the point that they had. You used as
your primary excuse the "fact" that gpinlv had emailed you and
"threatened your kids". You said it with such emphasis and sincerity
that I had no choice but to respond "I didn't even know you had kids".


To your credit you immediately admitted that you don't have kids.
Which allows me to segue quite nicely into:


Clue 2: You can't threaten someone who doesn't exist.


Let me give you an example; Andrew, I'm going to kill your uncle.


That's not a threat. I don't even know if Andrew has an uncle. If he
does, I don't know who he is or where he lives. I don't have the means
to locate, travel to or kill his uncle.


If Andrew decides to take the sentence above as a legitimate threat
than he is as loony as you are. He's not. I've met Andrew. I like
Andrew. I've met you. I've tolerated you with ambivalence until now.
The humongous jackassery of your opening salvo has pushed me squarely
into the "I dislike you" camp.


In fact, upon further reflection you have moved quite decidedly in to
the top 3 most obnoxious, boorish, and boring people I have ever met.
For the life of me, I still can't remember the other 2.


Clue 3: This one is a visual and may require some thinking.


You showed up at the Pickadillos show a few weeks ago. I sat at your
table and we made some small talk. When you tried to swing the
conversation over to AVLV (specifically the Pond Scum incident) I gave
you <clue starts here> immediate visual cues that I was not interested
in the conversation.</clue ends here>. When you again tried to steer
the conversation to AVLV I gave you <clue starts here> immediate
visual cues that I was not interested in the conversation.</clue ends
here>.


The third time (in maybe four minutes) when you again tried to steer
the conversation to AVLV I <REALLY BIG ASS FUCKING CLUE THAT EVEN A
JACKASS OF THE HIGHEST ORDER SUCH AS YOURELF, WRITTEN IN CHUCKESQUE
ALL CAPS FOR EMPHASIS STARTS HERE> told you that I have to "go mingle"
and left your presence</REALLY BIG ASS FUCKING CLUE THAT EVEN A
JACKASS OF THE HIGHEST ORDER SUCH AS YOURELF, WRITTEN IN CHUCKESQUE
ALL CAPS FOR EMPHASIS ENDS HERE>.


Allow me to translate:


Original phrase: "I have to go mingle"


In Popeye Speak: "I've hads all I can stands and I can't stands no
more".


In Spanish: Que es la chingadera problema con este jackassisimo?"


In American Sign Language: " "


In the language of someone with the slightest modicum of people
skills: "Ok. I've tried to be polite but you've given me two choices.
I can be rude and correctly identify you as a clueless jackass of
gargantuan proportions, or I can politely excuse myself and remove
myself from your offensive presence. I'll choose the latter".


Again I am compelled to remind you to read your opening statement to
me and attempt to comprehend how much of an *** you really have to
be to write such a thing. You have just moved into the position of one
of the two most obnoxious, boring and boorish people I have ever had
the distinct displeasure to have met. I still cannot for the life of
me recall who the other guy is, but I sure feel sorry for him.


While I take a few minutes to adjust the tote board I would like to
post for you, unedited, the classic reaming that one Mr Al Pacino gave
to Kevin Spacey as Ricky Roma in the fantastic film Glengarry Glen
Ross. Please adjust the following verbiage as necessary and apply to
yourself:


You stupid fucking ***. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you shithead.
You just cost me six thousand dollars. That's right. Six thousand
dollars and one Cadillac. What are you going to do about it? What are
you going to do about it, ***? You're fucking ***! Where did you
learn your trade you stupid fucking ***, you idiot?! Whoever told you
that you could work with men?! Oh, I'm gonna have your job. I'm going
downtown, I'm talk to Mitch and Murray, I am going to Limkin! I don't
care who you know, whose nephew you are or who's *** you're suckin
on, you're going out! I swear to you, you're going out! Anyone in this
office lives on his wits. What you are hired for is to help us. Does
that seem clear to you? To help us, not to *** us up. To help men who
are going out there to try to earn a living, you fairy, you company
man. I'll tell you something else. I hope you ripped the joint off, I
could tell our friend here a little something might help him to catch
you. You wanna learn the first rule you'd know if you ever spent a day
in your life? You never open your mouth till you know what the shot
is. You fucking child.


I'm back.


Let's shift our focus now to AVLV and why we all (with the exception
of Mr Strevel) think you are more than worthy of a swift and thorough
Jackassasination. You are completely full of ***. Not only are you a
liar, but you're a bad one at that. As Mr Roma said, don't open your
mouth till you know what the shot is.


You stated quite plainly that "residency takes a year in the state of
Nevada". That is in fact the only piece of the voluminous amount of
bull*** that I have ever challenged you on. I offered you the
opportunity to prove for the first time that you have the slightest
clue what you are talking about. I asked you what I have to do to
"file my residency" in the state of Nevada. You sidestepped
publically by saying "I thought we talked about that at the Soiree"
and privately emailed me to see if I wanted to have breakfast with
you.


So once again you have an opportunity to save some face and post here,
for the record, what does one have to do to "file for residency" in
Nevada. You claimed that it takes a year and that you were going to
do it a few weeks ago. It should be a simple and straightforward
question that you can answer, unless of course you are just a full of
*** jackass of near monolithic proportions.


Damn. I forgot another Mike story that emphasizes his ever widening
range of boorishness. Here goes. 'splanation to follow:


In an attempt to somehow swing the conversation away from Mike and all
things Mike, I made an attempt to tell him of one of my long term
plans. That plan is to develop a piece of land in a very remote
location and spend a good deal of my life living at the edge of the
wilderness, hunting, fishing and playing music at sunset.


"Big Mikey" immediately tried to shoot down the idea and blustered
profusely about all the buddies he's had who've tried to live in the
country and came crawling back to the city in less than a year.


<Clue starts here>


I spent my entire young life living in the country. I spent 9 years
living in a logging town with a population of 52 people. I used to
play music and perform magic and dream someday of coming to Las Vegas
and performing here. I do that now. That dream came true without me
even realizing it was happening.


In my thirties I lived in a beautiful log cabin by the Russian River.
My business travels would sometimes put me in New York City one
weekend, back to the cabin in the woods during the week, followed up
by backpacking in the Trinity Alps the following weekend. I just
happen to have the ability to function well in different environments.


As Mr Roma said, don't open your mouth till you know what the shot is.
You didn't know what the shot was Mike and you opened your mouth.
Eventually returning to the wilderness is not a new experience for me,
it's a homecoming.


But far be it for you to shut your fucking mouth during a conversation
and actually hear what someone else is saying.


</clue ends here>


Again, read your opening remarks to me and convince the world that
those are not the words of an enormous jackass.


I have to go adjust the tote board once again. I'll be right back. In
the meantime I give you a memorable quote from Planes, Trains, and
Automobiles. I believe there is some information you will find useful:


You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You
choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're
a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing
ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some
amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your
brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance
seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on
with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd
say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You
know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower
curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy
doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that
I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and
snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you
know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea -
have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!


I'm back.....


Congratulations Mikey. You're now #1


Oh, and don't fucking email me. Keep it out here in public where you
started it.


Mutant Bluegrass That Rocks!
http://www.thepickadillos.com



God, now that was some good ***.

--tr





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