Re: helping with editing course outline

On Aug 17, 4:29 pm, "Don Phillipson" <e...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
"esara" <esara...@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message

news:bacd29a4-2f8c-4317-b1bf-c1db9a3ee73a@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I would appreciate very much if you can review the following course
outlike and let me know is there are any part of the outline need to
be edited/rewrite.

Thanks a lot.
=========
During my 15+ years as computer help desk specialist, I have found
that there is a tremendous need for a computer course which is hands-
on and explains the basic computer skills that which are needed these
days to use the computer efficient and effectively as very powerful
tool to learn different things in life. I am proposing this course
with a great confident that it will be a success story. From my own
experience helping my people with various computer issues, basic
computer course which is a hands-on course at the same time is much
needed and appreciated.

1.  Review and correct the obvious pairs above, e.g.> be edited/rewrite..
use the computer efficient and effectively
needed and appreciated.

Do you see that cases A and B are different from case C?
The difference should prompt you to make the appropriate
corrections.

2.  Sentence #1 is too long.   Shorten it by removing
nonessential words and ideas.

3.  Sentences #1 (end) and #3 (middle) both lack essential
indefinite articles A.

You might do better to restate:  15 years experience on the
help desk convinces you most high-level computer problems
occur because users lack low-level skills -- which you now
propose a course ought to teach systematically.

--
Don Phillipson
Carlsbad Springs
(Ottawa, Canada)

Thanks Don for the help, I really appreciate it. I just re-write the
proposal again. Could you please tell me what do you think? Thanks a
lot.

====
15 years experience on the help desk convinces me most high-level
computer problems
occur because users lack low-level computer skills. I am proposing
this course which will help course participants to gain these
important basics skills which will help them to use the computer more
efficiently and effectively.

This course is a hands-on course which will help students to gain very
valuable
experience and knowledge about computer and build a confident to use
the computer on daily basisweather you are at work or home.
.

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