Re: Need help with wording

jerry_friedman@xxxxxxxxx filted:

On Nov 29, 7:20 pm, jesbuddy07 <jesbudd...@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
this sentence sounds so weird, but i can't correct it. Could anyone
please tell me what's wrong? i'm making a flash wedding invitation for
my wedding. this sentence is seperated into parts and animated. a part
will show up and they will disappear right before other parts show.
the sentence read:

some poeple
come and go
in your life
however
someone will stay
forever.

could anyone PLEASE help me?

any help is greatly appreciated

It's spelled "people", and I think "one" would be better than
"someone". As a less important point, I suggest "but" instead of
"however".

Better still, lose the "however" slide altogether and put a dash or ellipsis at
the end of the one preceding it...ordinarily I'd recommend a semicolon here but
not when the words are going dancing....r


--
"He come in the night when one sleep on a bed.
With a hand he have the basket and foods."
- David Sedaris explains the Easter rabbit
.