Re: "one" or "that"

"jinhyun" <jinhyunshyam@xxxxxxxxx> wrote
On Apr 13, 7:07 pm, cybercypher <dontbot...@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Peter Moylan <p...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote
[...]
Is the use of long rambling sentences a feature of Chinese
writing?

Yes. It's also a consequence of not teaching children how to
write well in Chinese or English. And a product of poor focus
within the educational systems of Far East Asian countries, where
memorization that leads to high scores on regurgitests are what
matter more than the ability to reason and think critically.

--
Granted -- but the practice of overloading clauses and sentences
is often seen in academic prose written by anglophones as well.

Yes, that is too, too true. I think I mentioned that fact in the
thread "whether or not" started by windcolor when I said:

"The language used in the original paragraph is a hodgepodge of
Taiwanese-English jargon taken from all kinds of poorly written
articles. The words are usually used indiscrimanently (i.e., without
regard to meaning or contextual propriety)."

I should have made very clear that most of those poorly written model
articles have been written by native speakers of English out to
impress the world with their verbosity and obfuscatory skills. I am
certainly not trying to lay the blame on Chinese and Japanese native-
speakers only. They have to use the models that are offered in their
field.

My advice to all my author-clients is that just because native
anglophones and the British and American journals they publish in are
willing to use and print poor style is not a good excuse for actually
using it when there are better models to imitate.

It is easily the single most proliferous stylistic error in formal
writing.

Yes, and every time I delve into one of those pieces of academic
crap, I hear the country-western hit "It's Cryin' Time Again"
blubbering throughout my brain.

Perhaps, the fact that the range of registers available
in eastern languages tends to heavily favour formality is a reason
for their general preference for longer sentences.

While English does not have distinct forms for polite language of the
sort found in Japanese, for example, the general rule is that the
longer and more prolix the language, the more formal and polite it
is.

Also, the abundance of morphological tools in these languages
ensures that the same sentences come out somewhat more
compactly in the eastern language in question.
In Sanskrit, it is considered very stylish to pack as much
information into as terse a form as possible. Is it the
same in other far-eastern languages?

Not true in Japanese. In English, we call that dense writing. It's
hard to read, but necessary when there are length restrictions. It's
not easy to do well.

By the bye, here's how I'd rewrite the O.P's passage:
... However, don't bite so hard that it draws blood. The last tip
is to consider doing vocal warm-ups: some humming or singing
on the way to your presentation can help. A strong, healthy
voice enables you to present your ideas effectively.

That's much better. It's clear and easy to read. But Peter Duncanson
will probably object that it omits some relevant information,

"[, but it won't] guarantee your speaking success",

which can be tacked on at the end. I, however, think it's a given and
doesn't need to be stated: blame the workman, not the tools.

--
Franke: EFL teacher & medical editor
Native speaker of American English; posting from Taiwan.
"It has come to my attention that my opinions are not universally
shared." Scott Adams, The Dilbert Blog, 23 Jan 2007;
http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/
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