Re: Long Sentence Help
- From: HVS <usenet@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:11:37 +0100
On 10 Apr 2007, Mark Brader wrote
Todd Burns:
2. "These factors, coupled with the failure to recognize that
the age of a theory and the number of authorities supporting
it cannot make it true, allowed the geocentric theory of the
solar system to survive for centuries, in some circles even
after experiments conclusively showed otherwise. This to a
large extent because the notion of a heliocentric solar system
severely threatened a world view that many people had been
psychologically, emotionally, professionally and religiously
vested in for ages.
Donna Richoux:
"This *** to a large extent" needs a verb, like "persisted,"
"occurred," or "happened."
Or just "was". "This was, to a large extent, ...", or with no
commas, "To a large extent this was". Of course there are many
other ways to break up the original unwieldy sentence as well.
It would probably read better as three or four short sentences.
The construct of "a world view that many people had been...vested
in" strikes me as strange.
I'd have said that people can have, say, professional interests
vested in a world view, but that one doesn't say that people are
"professionally vested in" a world view.
--
Cheers, Harvey
Canadian and British English, indiscriminately mixed
.
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