Re: Mar 11 2008
- From: kestrel <joyhton@xxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 24 Aug 2010 05:23:47 -0700 (PDT)
On Aug 24, 6:58 am, Judy <cuckoohallj...@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
I just read the DOF list, and I'm still here :)
March 11 2008. Looks quite a long way away now.
On March 11 2008 I was still in my old (marital) house. Hadn't yet
decided to sell it. That took over a year, 2 buyers nearly bought it,
3rd one actually did. Lost the first house I wanted to buy, got the
second one. Moved to new area, new everything strange and unfamiliar
after 21 years in the same place. Had to shed a *lot* of possessions
to downsize, and process a **lot** of associated memories.
On March 11 2008, my mother was alive. She hadn't been diagnosed with
dementia, had to go into residential care for a year following time in
a psychiatric unit. I (the only offspring) hadn't had to take over
all her financial affairs, clear and sell her home (which was bought
when I was 9) pretty much single handed bar the help of a couple of
angelic neighbours. Nor had I had to take over most of the life
decisions of a fiercely independent mother, watch her through her last
week following a heart attack and stroke, arrange her funeral & do the
rest of the desperately sad necessaries.
So. On March 11 2008, I had my last cigarette, put on the first of 12
week's worth of patches used exactly as prescribed by the NHS and the
rest is history :) Had I known then what was ahead - would I have
quit then ? Probably not. I'd have said oh no, it's all too stressful.
Best wait until I've finished moving and recovered from all the trauma
associated with my mother's circumstances.
But mercifully, I didn't know, so I just went ahead and did the quit
anyway. One of the very few instances when I'd have said it was
beneficial not to have foresight, really :) I'm lonely for my mother,
but not for cigarettes. I miss certain things as life's moving on,
but cigarettes aren't amongst them. Not one aspect of all the trauma,
fear, misery, acute physical and emotional stress and sheer grief
would have been even remotely alleviated by smoking.
Just thought I'd mention this ;)
Judy
Judy, yours is a story both heartbreaking and inspirational. I have
never had to deal with the death of either parent. My mother died
when I was seven years old and my father refused to let me mourn for
her. I won't go into the details of that here, but that time is still
so fresh in my mind that I am still, many years later, mourning for
her. In retrospect, his actions then cause a huge rift between us
that never healed. I did not learn of his death until long after he
was gone.
My two sons, though, have been dealing with the death of their
father. He and I had been long divorced and I seldom saw him after
that. But I did not discourage my boys from keeping in touch with
him. He left his affairs in a horrible mess, which they are still
trying to straighten out three years later. The final piece will be
the sale of his house in the Catskills, but this is not a very good
time for real estate movement.
But just to bring this a little closer to mission of this group, I
started smoking very young. My father always smoked in my childhood
memory of him. His favorite Christmas present from his children was
always a carton of Camels (which then cost $1.00). I started smoking
while still in high school and continued for many years, through all
kinds of aborted quits.
It wasn't until I stumbled into AS3 that I was able to quit and stay
quit. My sons have never smoked even though I did throughout their
childhood and after. Their father smoked mostly cigars and pipes. I
am so proud of them for their accomplishments as well as for their not
smoking.
Thank you for posting your story. I hope that time will help you heal
from your loss.
Joyce
12 years+
.
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