Re: What is worse paxil or Tobacco?

Steve,

First of all, these are just the thoughts that immediately come to mind. I've not dealt with what you are dealing with - standard disclaimer. I don't know it all, how to fix anyone, etc etc.

Was there not another antidepressant you could have taken?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I was full of rage for a while and used the 12 steps over and over on my issues... and that seemed to work. I depend quite a bit on my spiritual life and don't know how "normal" people get on without one... to me, getting to know/seeking my Creator is as necessary as breathing.

One other suggestion I have is to find what fills you with joy. For me that took a while, a lot of journaling, and a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

By now, my kids can tell you what fills me with joy. Roller coasters. Good smelling candles (like Yankee candles but I have a local company in Texas that I love). Music. Guitar. Bose speakers. A fluffly luxurious bathroom rug to walk across. a good set of sheets. dangly earrings. boots. I could go on and on.

Your kid is still pretty small, right? How about some movies, some cuddle time? That got me through some really rough times. How about movies and cuddle time with Sarah?

I will keep you and the family in my prayers.
With hope and heart,
Kathleen


"Steve And Sarah" <sandskrieger@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:iPqdnU5Sf4YH90nVnZ2dnUVZ_umdnZ2d@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am such a miserable son of a bitch lately. I was prescribed Paxil after my emotional breakdown and up until then I was doing pretty damn good. I loved my life, my house, my family, everything was good. Now post breakdown 5 months later I feel out of control most of the time. I quit taking the Paxil when I was done being a weak little boy (Breakdown recovery) I didn't like being on the pill so to speak. Now it's later I got a good job with Ford but I am so full of rage all the time I don't like me. Sarah has been pretty good but I almost succeeded in driving her away. I am out of control and spiraling down into the abyss.

If someone were to look back when I was trying to quit I said that I don't think I like the person I am becoming now that I am a non-smoker. Well it's been almost two years and I don't know who I am anymore. I was riding pretty high for the first year and a half now not so high at all. I know who I used to be.... a fun, funny, loving, fair dad to my son now I am only that way when I put on an act .....it's like a play. When the curtain falls I see red most of the time.

So I titled the post Paxil or smokes right......well I am here in the stop smoking forum and I belong here. I am still trying to quit all the effects of smoking and I feel like I am failing. I have not been centered enough to have a good heart to heart with my wife. I used to be able to tell her anything and I did tell her everything. Now I don't have to speak she can see it in my face.... my eyes tell her that I love her but the rest of me feels like she deserves better. I am crying as I write this because thinking it makes me feel like a terrible person. Sorry....I am trying.

Well Paxil or tobacco? I start Paxil tomorrow as soon as I fill the prescription. My only fear is that after I take Paxil what if I am still the same person...... what next?

This is the place I belong and typing these words makes me feel like maybe I will find the strength here. I love alot of people here and I felt loved as well when I was here. Maybe it's worth noting that when I had my spirit broken I also neglected coming to AS3. I made it through one of the most difficult battles in my life here. Now I am here as often as I can be. I only hope that I can find myself here and that I find myself worth the effort in saving.

Used to be Steve
(now I am a stranger)

No response necessary I only needed to get it out I am not even reading it again before I press send.


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