Re: I can't keep it in..anymore
- From: "Kathleen" <lovebirds1201@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 20 May 2008 21:48:13 -0500
We are all pulling for you AZ. When I get to where I am struggling with many things, my (AA) sponsor makes me write a gratitude list. I know that's probably not helpful to you but I thought I might throw it out there for someone else who might be reading. My feelings follow my thoughts and writing a gratitude list forces my feelings to feel better. Even if the only thing I can be grateful for is the end of the day, or for breath.
With hope and heart,
Kathleen
"AZ" <zikra.nospam@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:BQFYj.45735$7a.14848@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends, beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my chin. I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every morning when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from the dead, and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not anymore.
My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I had a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best friend crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes, till I run empty. What then?
GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me on anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just wanted to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some kind of salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry
--
AZ
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