Re: Rant
- From: Sue <sebrady@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 29 Feb 2008 07:14:18 -0800
On Fri, 29 Feb 2008 08:42:59 -0600, "Kathleen"
<lovebirds1201@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
lol August
I was just really irritated with someone I thought was being manipulative...
I got over it quickly.
This morning I have no agenda to follow, no schedule of where I have to be
and when, I am just listening to the birds singing, airing out the house,
washing my sheets, fluffing the featherbed, and in general nourishing my
spirit.
And I have to go to work. :o(
Sue - glad to have a job, but......
.
With hope and heart,
Kathleen
"~August" <august164@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:fq8vhu$ij2$1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kathleen,
I have read your post twice and cant make hide nor hare out of it! LOL
So let me just say that I hope whatever the issue is/was works itself out
and a big cyber hug to you... with hope and heart :-)
~August
"Kathleen" <lovebirds1201@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:62morrF248tu9U1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am so pissed. And in reading this over, after writing it out, the
thought strikes me that this is all terribly unimportant stuff, and
bordering on ridiculous.
I started posting to this group of women, a public message board but not
quite so public as this one, where all my messages can't be traced.
Because I am going through a lot of changes, and this court thingie where
I am going to need to say something at a sentencing hearing, only God
knows what because I have no idea what to say, and you know when
something is "off" in your life everything is a big deal. Everything is
a big deal to me and seems like high drama. Like, just for a strange
example of how *drama* things have been, the other day the dogs were
barking and I was home alone and got scared that this person (referring
to the court thing) could be out there. So I pull the shotgun off the
gun rack and check it out, knowing darn well I might or might not be able
to shoot it if I need to, put it back, remind self that whatsitsname aint
that crazy, take my shower, giggle about the whole incident and that
night DH gives me a much needed "how to know if it's safe and how to make
it safe" lesson. So, that's just an example, a few weird things have
happened but mostly just life and I'm not comfortable with change.
Afterthought: if any of you are skulking about outside my house, it's
not a good idea right now
So, as you all know, I have this habit of just being real, of just
putting myself out there, because I'm not good at faking and pretending.
So I've tried not to share my whole life history with these people but
still I feel a real connection with several. And I notice this one keeps
making snipey comments because all the people aren't responding to her
every post. Strange, but I'm trying to respond and be loving and kind.
Trying to reach out, trying to belong, be one of. You know, with hope
and heart. So the other day she comes in and posts "goodbye and do well.
see you all in next life."
I know someone (Jef probably) remembers when that happened here. I
remember it well. And it just makes my stomach turn to know that someone
is going to come in and be that manipulative. But all the same, I'm
trying to be loving and kind. So I post that I hope this person is OK,
blah blah, and the lovingkindness stuff some more, which I really try to
aim for, but I also ask them to check back in and I dare to make the
comment that it sounded ominiously like a suicide note. Said person
doesn't write for several days.
Tonight they check in and write "(comment about someone being "one of
the good ones" and then "When the time is right, I will privately email
my friends here to explain. I can't believe my post was taken out of
context but I know who my friends here are. To those who barely know me,
don't worry about it. This board has really changed. " So I, knowing I
am a drama queen these days, apologize for taking the post out of
context. I'm irritated, obviously I have some buttons sticking out
because they are being pushed, but I am not too big to apologize.
And I don't need this person to acknowlege or accept my apology. My
apology is about me doing what is right, and in this case I thought I may
have been a bit rash in my assessment. After that gun incident I am
probably over analyzing. (By the way, they are my husband's guns, the
kids have been taught gun safety much more than I so I totally respect
the fact that there are a lot of people out there who are against guns
but I'm not going to divorce my husband over it, I have learned to live
and let live, yada yada yada)
One of the ladies on the board is having an emergency. So while everyone
has posted good thoughts, the discussion goes on. It is a group of
people who have a similiar challenge, in this case spending/shopping.
Kind of like here. So this person comes back in and writes "well glad
talking about buying things helps with those thoughts with (person with
emergency situation). Peace"
And I'm steaming. I could write a much better rant had I not given up
cussing. Honestly, I remember when I quit smoking and I cussed so badly
that I offended myself on a regular basis. lol And slowly that edge has
fallen away. But, omg, I think I could write a really good rant out of
this. But I don't want to come in and apologize afterwards. Because
cussing doesn't make me feel good about myself anymore. It's not funny.
I don't mind you all doing it, it is just not "authentic to my spirit" if
that makes sense.
So I'm going to practice tonight, something I have learned in my quit.
Sometimes it's a good thing to just keep my mouth shut. Sometimes it's
very valuable to just ignore. I've learned in my quit that sometimes
it's really important (to my gut!) to speak up, but this is not one of
those times. I'm not going to teach this person anything. They aren't
going to "get it" and I have lost my ability to be loving or kind to this
person. I don't need to make a grand statement to garner attention. I
can just whine here about it, get it out of my system, and move onward.
So that is my plan. I will let you all know how it goes.
Thanks for reading, listening, holding my hand, caring! Everything! For
those of you who pray, maybe you can say a prayer for me. Our date is
March 7th, and I've missed 30 minutes of the Finale of my favorite show
ever (Project Runway) in order to type out my little life melodrama for
you all.
With hope and heart,
Kathleen
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