Re: my dof post
- From: DebbieK <dkrug@xxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 16:41:21 -0400
Congratulations on your DOF. For what it is worth, I found quitting the nic gum FAR easier than quitting the smokes.
Debbie VOF
JJR wrote:
Greetings, and a ***huge*** thank you to this group. While my quit isn't quite as successful as I tend to trump (read below), and although I rarely visit here now, I give half of my quit's credit to this group - without the advice and support of the people here, I would definately not have made my quit last as long as it has. I was looking at the quitters list and, when I saw my name at the top of the DOF entries (JJR), I was surprised at the sense of pride and accomplishment I felt. It's a little overwhelming to be where I am right now and realize that it has been TWO YEARS since I had a puff. It really is something, and I am still amazed that I was able to do it..
I loved smoking more than anyone I have known, and did it for around 19 years. It made me happy when I was sad, and made me happier when I was happy. It was part of my identity. It was a break away from the world whenever I wanted. I liked the taste, the feel of the smoke as it entered my lungs, the smell - everything. Two years after, I can still recognize the smell of Marlboro lights on other smokers.
I knew that my love of smoking would catch up with me one day and probably kill me, but did not care enough to quit. I got married, and had three children - and still I didn't care enough to even give quitting it a try. Just thinking about quitting stressed me out enough to light one up. And my wife, a somewhat militant non-smoker, would always nag me which in a way reinforced my desire to smoke to retain my "identity". Somewhere along the way, the nagging got less and less, and she pretty much resigned herself to a lifetime of being married to a smoker.
I mean, I would have quit but I just didnt really want to - I *liked* it.
Then I heard the ad on the radio - come in, get a shot, and you will walk out a non-smoker. Holy cow! That sounded easy - they even guaranteed results. So I, halfheartedly wanting to quit but not wanting to work for it, signed up for the shot, went to the office, and got it.
I know that the shot has worked for other people (and I am glad for them), but for me, I was not prepared to handle quit. After a few days, I was back to smoking. This, too, was something I was not prepared for - I felt like such a loser wasting all of that money on the shot, and really got down on myself. What kind of bozo can't even make it a week without smoking after getting the "miracle" treatment that is supposed to make all of the cravings go away. I got pretty angry with myself and vowed to come up with a plan, which I will share (and is really nothing new):
1) I made a list of reasons why I should quit smoking. I found testimonials on the internet of people with COPD who have died, wishing they had not smoked. I gathered images of smoker lungs. I took a lot of tidbits from this forum. I made personal reasons - things like "I want to see my little girls graduate high school and college". I then put all of it into an 8-page (printed 2 double-sided pages so 4 pages would fit on one sheet of paper) document and carried it around with me. It was a "pack" of reasons not to smoke. I would love to share it with the group but it wouldnt make the transition from a word document to an internet post very cleanly.
2) Promise #1 : No matter what, I would not smoke. I could be depressed about that decision or be happy with it, but either way, I was not going to have another damned cigarrette.
3) Promise #2: If I began to think seriously about breaking promise #1, I would read read my list first [it took a while to read all 8 pages].
4) Promise #3: Chew the damn gum before lighting up a cigarrette.
Really - I had the quit in me. I think that you *know* whether you have it or not pretty soon. I didn't have my first quit in me. On the 2cd, something pretty major would have had to happen for me to go back to smoking. I was pretty POd at myself for failing the first time. I took all of the feelings of failure, of being such a loser for not being able to do quit, and channeled them into anger at myself that fed and sustained my quit smoking drive. I must say that I was a top-of-the-line jerk and ass when I quit. I was not going to start back, but my poor wife had to put up with my terrible attitude - which bordered on violence. After about 2 (or was it 3?) weeks of going cold-turkey, she eventually got afraid of me and packed herself and the kids in the car and left. She told me that she could not take it anymore and for me to go back to smoking. I went out and got the 2mg nicotine gum, chewed 3 of em at once, and vowed to only chew it when things got too hard.
2 years later, I am chewing a whole bunch of 4mg pieces each day - I do not keep track of it (I am not ready to stop b/c I do not want to put my wife through the hell that a nicotine-free me would put her through). I always have a piece. So - I stopped smoking (DOF!) but I am still very much a nicotine addict. In many ways, I have the same attitude about the gum as I used to have about smoking - I just don't care to quit. I have read nothing that indicates that the gum is a health risk, so it is even harder to get motivated. Yes, the gum is expensive - I probably spend around $200-$250/month on gum and it is a little difficult for me to afford (my wife is a stay-at-home mom so we don't have much left over after expenses, etc). But - we make do and are both very happy. If/when I decide to do it, I expect quitting the gum to be as hard as or harder than quitting smoking was.
So - is my quit a success? I believe so - I have not had a single puff from a cigarrette in over 2 years now, and rarely miss it. Notice that I said rarely - I do sometimes still have the cravings to smoke, sort of a nostalgia feeling that comes and goes. Or something will trigger "I used to smoke when I did this before, sure would be nice to have one now". But it's nothing like it was early on, and I still have my pack of reasons to remind me that the first puff is the easiest to resist.
Good luck to all of the other quitters here :)
There will undoubtedly be some who say that I have not earned my meter - and, indeed, I am not always sure about it either. But, here it is:
Two years, four days, 12 hours, 28 minutes and 26 seconds. 22035 cigarettes craved but not smoked, saving $2,974.80. Life saved: 10 weeks, 6 days, 12 hours, 15 minutes. I have already smoked around 138,700 cigarettes in my life, spent nearly a million minutes doing it, and have lost nearly another million from the end. Enough is enough.
Thanks!
-JJR
- References:
- my dof post
- From: JJR
- my dof post
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