Re: Another story

Thanks Rich!
With hope and heart,
Kathleen
--
You never know how much you really believe anything
until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life or death to you.
~ C.S.Lewis


"Rich G." <simplerich@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:N8flg.73820$P2.70736@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Not snipping a word, great story, great to see a four year quitter...
and there's no way I can say "The stress made me do it..." after you
were so tough. Good one on you!

--
Rich G. @ 34°57'N 89°48'W
http://www.simplerich.com/blog

Kathleen wrote:
My story begins at the turn of the century.

On 1/1/1, I made one of those dreaded New Years Resolutions. I really
don't
know what possessed me. After about 4 hours I was AMAZED that I hadn't
fought with myself the entire time. Someone from another newsgroup
pointed
me to AS3 and got busy here. 5 weeks later I caved. It started with a
couple smokes... and started a year long period of slipping and
sliding. I
remember telling someone here that it was only a couple cigarettes and
that
I KNEW WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT I WOULD NEVER SMOKE AGAIN.

Well, I don't say that anymore. During what I call the "slipping and
sliding" phase, I gained about 20 pounds. I was never happy about that,
but
I used to be too super-thin and unhealthy looking and felt fat back
then...
so I didn't stress about it.

On 6/10/02 I tried to quit again. I made it 6 days, caved and smoked,
reset
my meter and went to bed on 6/16/02. I used the 21mg patch for 8 weeks,
took Zyban (one a day) for about 3-4 months (hard to remember now) and
came
here. I cussed a *lot*, which is totally against my nature. I cried a
*lot*, everywhere I went. I ate a lot, and put on another 40 pounds. A
lot
of bad things happened. I totalled my car - on my birthday - at just
over a
month smober - on the way to our vacation at the coast spot (we were 10
min
away from arriving). I didn't even think about smoking until it was all
over, and then it was a "I don't even want to smoke" thought.

I went through some intense custody situations, including having people
scream at me on an almost weekly basis. Being served with court papers
a
couple times. Dealing with people who seemed to hate me because of my
very
existance. People who occasionally followed me in the car, after the
'kid
exchange', to harrass me. People who punished my precious child for
having
me as a Mom. I thought about smoking to "show them", said it out loud
to
myself and laughed every time.

I slipped in my other program that year - in '02, and when I didn't need
some prescribed pain pills anymore, I took them anyway until they were
gone.
I gave up 3 years of clean time when I did that... and again, someone
from
AS3 helped me by 'telling me like it is'. That person has his name
etched
forever on my heart.

Part of my story - one I talk about very little - is that I did cave one
night and smoked 2 cigarettes. I will leave out the circumstances, and
just
say that there was a straw that broke me and I did. It was at 18mo
smobriety. I wanted to die that night and I just didn't care anymore.
I
went into chat and found my faithful friends who comforted me as best
they
could and advised me - and I went on. I did not reset my meter. I kept
the
gum and a couple patches close by and resumed my quit.

If you read all this so far you made it to the good part. The sweet
freedom
from quitting! How can I describe? I have learned that I am not who I
thought I was. I have watched myself grow, feel, speak the truth
(hopefully
in love), learn about WHO I AM. And LOVE who I am. The "real me" has
emerged, and I am so grateful.

Everything about my life is better. I *rarely* think about smoking. My
husband smokes and it is a good reminder that I don't want to go back
there.
My car, my hair, my clothes smell so good. I love to go shopping with
my
Mom because I don't have to run out of the mall to take a smoke break,
or
'squeeze one in' between the store and the car. I go to the amusement
parks
and don't have to worry about accidentally burning any little kids in
the
crowd of people... because I'm not smoking. In fact, I can spend the
day at
the waterpark and don't have to search the gift stores for matches or a
lighter!

My post would be nothing if I didn't mention my God. My God has truly
carried me through. I have heard His voice in many places, and seen Him
through every one of y'all as you have loved me, and given me pieces of
your
heart. I believe my God delights in miracles, and my life has been one
after another. AS3 is a place where hope lives - no matter what kind of
God
you believe in (or none).

Thanks AS3!
To the people out there that are still smoking - you are missed.
To the people who have passed on - you are loved and missed.
To the people here in their early quits -(like GX says) Battle On!

With hope and heart,
Kathleen

(drum roll)
It has been four years, 8 hours, 2 minutes and 13 seconds since I
smoked, by
the Grace of God, and much to my total astonishment and dismay! I have
mentally mutilated 29226 stinky, wicked nasty, health destroying, joy
stealing, death expediators; saving $5,114.67 to be spent frivilously on
coolio things for my new guitar, CD's and gas for my teenager so she can
tool around town. Life saved to be spent dancing and singing at the top
of
my lungs: 14 weeks, 3 days, 11 hours, 30 minutes.8 hours, 2 m



--
You never know how much you really believe anything
until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life or death to you.
~ C.S.Lewis


.

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