Meow! Meow! Meow!

Hi to all you beautiful People!!!!

I have not posted in quite sometime, having moved back, just
months ago, to NY State from England, where I'd lived for nearly 4
years, importing 3 British men: my husband, Robin, my (now)
20-month-old-son, Leo, and our kitty, Giles Elton Taylor (aka
GilesyCat :o) I don't know who is still around, since I have
neglected this wonderful support group for so long...Life has been
extremely stressful, while simultaneously, completely Miraculous!!
Please forgive my lack of posts.

AS3!!!!! AS3 ROCKS!!!!!!! AS3, you were here for me in
those first lonely, horrid Days, then months, with your wisdom and
your wit and your *constant* support. I felt alone in a foreign
country when I first quit (well, I had Robin, but when he was at work,
I felt absolutely lost). I knew nobody and was never really able to
*settle* in the small town in England's West Midlands...

July 26, 2002, however, was a happy, Sunny Saturday. I was with
my beloved, and we were walking around Halesowen. I reached into my
purse to fish out a Marlboro ("cowboy cigarettes," my husband called
them), and I made a decision: no more cigarettes Today. Since I had
quit in the past, once or twice for a couple of days or a couple of
weeks, and another time, for several years, I told Robin I wanted not
to smoke any more cigarettes "for Today" only, not wanting to commit
to a quit! By then, I well understood that an addict, such as *I* am,
cannot look at Forever when faced with the *loss* of one of my
"crutches".....I gave the remaining 10 cigs in my pack to a man who
was sitting on a bench in Halesowen.....He was lovely and gracious,
and encouraged my quit.....but to this Day, I feel guilty; if I had it
to do again, I would have thrown the poison into the nearest garbage
pail!

Following that Day, in July 2002, I continued to live in a
foreign country, where I was desperately homesick and where I never
grew to feel comfortable. Over there, I gave birth to my beautiful
son, Leo, who was born with Down's Syndrome, but who is as strong and
healthy as I always knew he would be (he was born November 6, 2003).
His birth was the greatest Joy I have ever known, besides the Day I
married Robin, but anyone who has had a child with special needs will
understand that Leo's birth caused enormous stress, shock, and pain
for many people; my own family was still in NY, where my grandmother,
my role model and other favorite person in my Life, was about to
undergo a complete hysterectomy; when I spoke with them about my son's
birth, they, too, were in shock. I felt extremely alone in my Joy at
Leo's birth. I left the hospital 4 hours after Leo was born, as my
husband was not in a good way emotionally. (He soon felt better, and
became the World's Most Loving and Devoted Daddy.)


Fortunately, my grandmother's surgery was successful and she is
healthy and active, at 92. My own family eventually recovered from
their shock and became more supportive, but still were unable to go to
England. Robin's mother and I could not seem to get along. Loneliness
and exhaustion ensued! Lovely midwives and our wonderful GP visited
often in the 1st couple of weeks after Leo was released from the
hospital, after being pronounced very healthy, based on all kinds of
tests. But after those first weeks, Robin returned to work, the
health professionals had to move on to other people, and there I was,
in a house in a little British town, this smelly, funny, beautiful,
miraculous creature and me, 42 years old, utterly homesick, that
little baby and fumbling new-mommy, me!
Uuuuummmm.....how lovely a cigarette did seem sometimes....the
thought.....But not yet! A Day at a time, I still had not smoked.

I had traded in my earlier Life as a career-lady, to fumbling
attempts at "housewife/mother"; I lived "on the dole" with my little
family, when the company for whom my husband worked moved location and
refused to compensate their top engineers for the extra travel,
causing them to "take redundancy," I did my best to help my husband
prepare (emotionally, technically, and physically) to sell his house
in Britain; made arrangements for us all to move across the Atlantic
to NY State; made that move with a little baby.......THEN......We
lived in my parents' house, in one tiny room, for a Wintery NY month,
while we frantically searched for a dwelling. We moved into a
beautiful, 200-year-old, renovated carriage house in New Paltz, NY,
which seemed ideal, but turned out to be a building site, where
carpentry, plumbing, practically everything one could think of had
been left either incomplete or had been shoddily done, causing a
complete lack of privacy, as repairs were attempted.....For example,
we lived here for 3 or 4 Days with a gas leak and faulty electrical
wires, unbeknownst to us, until the smell began and we called someone.
That situation was soon remedied, but many others, less
Life-threatening, but still annoying, ensued.

During this time, we have been working on my husband's immigration
process (he has just received notification that his work permit has
been approved and is on its way!); this process has been long and
stressful, while my husband's homesickness has been setting in; we
have been waiting to begin further evaluations and early intervention
services for Leo, who, fortunately, will probably need only
physiotherapy and speech therapy, as he is, as I always thought he
would be, extremely bright and sociable; we now live with a toddler,
who tests us daily with his antics and talents, as any *normal* child
would, but with the impending *services* which will soon come
(probably once or twice a week) to cause further change in our lives.
We are also searching for a new place to live, another temporary one,
until we are on our feet and can put down a deposit on a home of our
own.....Meanwhile, I still feel culture shock at being in my own
country....it goes and comes, depending on the situation. I feel so
tired, emotionally and physically, never having had proper rest since
carrying Leo. My mother's health is not good, to what extent, I'm
unsure at the moment, but it's extremely stressful. My two best
friends: while I was in England, one became completely lost and has
spent time in jail and hospitals due to emotional illness, which she
tries to self-medicate, and my other friend's daughter committed
suicide, causing changes in my friend which I feel unable to
support....

I have so many Miracles in my Life, incredible, beautiful
blessings which I don't feel I deserve! I look over at my sweet,
noisy son, who's getting ready for his afternoon romp around the
house; then my eyes touch my sweet and wonderful husband, across the
room at his computer, and I feel so proud of him, as he just applied
for his first US job! It is air-conditioned in here, and I think how
fortunate I am, as so many people are suffering in the dangerous
Heat.....

I still dress myself in Patchouli and strange clothes, I still
meow alot (we all do in this house :o) and......I am still SNOBER!!!

I no longer have an online meter, but suffice it to say, although
I have craved a cigarette perhaps every other Day, at least,
throughout these months of Rich Stormy Loving Stressful Life, Today
marks 3 years since I have had a cigarette!! My son throws me a kiss
from his playpen, I send him one back and another to my husband, and I
know why I have decided not to smoke Today.....(I think I will indulge
in some disgustingly delicious ice cream, though :o)

I send love to all of you, and especially to you angels who put
up with my crazy posts early on.....I love you all and pray you and
your families are all well. I do miss you! I'm sorry I don't get on
here.....Life feels so insane! But I always remember you.

Tom, in Maine, my quit-bud, I hope you post Today, as well! I hope
your Life is wonderful.

Too many people to name right now, but you know who you are, I love
you and I'm so grateful to you for your support. We really can do
this thing. For me, it had to be cold turkey, and it will probably
continue to be One Day at a Time. Do whatever works for you! But it
can be done! Who knows...maybe I will smoke tomorrow, but I'm not
planning to TODAY!!!

I apologize for the ramble!

I send you many meows and big love!

Meow Meow Meow!!!!!!!

xxxxxCheryl Faith



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Relevant Pages

  • Re: Meow! Meow! Meow!
    ... > purse to fish out a Marlboro ("cowboy cigarettes," my husband called ... > my role model and other favorite person in my Life, ... I left the hospital 4 hours after Leo was born, ... > prepare to sell his house ...
    (alt.support.stop-smoking)
  • Re: Meow! Meow! Meow!
    ... thank you dropping in and sharing your life with us. ... > purse to fish out a Marlboro ("cowboy cigarettes," my husband called ... I left the hospital 4 hours after Leo was born, ... > prepare to sell his house ...
    (alt.support.stop-smoking)
  • Re: Meow! Meow! Meow!
    ... Oh my Goodness, ))))) Meow! ... | 20-month-old-son, Leo, and our kitty, Giles Elton Taylor (aka ... | purse to fish out a Marlboro ("cowboy cigarettes," my husband called ... | prepare to sell his house ...
    (alt.support.stop-smoking)
  • Re: Meow! Meow! Meow!
    ... It's been too long.....Your son is ... > purse to fish out a Marlboro ("cowboy cigarettes," my husband called ... > my role model and other favorite person in my Life, ... > prepare to sell his house ...
    (alt.support.stop-smoking)
  • Re: How to fix your husband
    ... loafing miserably around the house all day, ... How many women are proud to be crap wives, ... treat their husband like a doormant? ... All this comes down to is a load of self-satisfied demanding entitlement ...
    (soc.men)