Re: Ouch! I did it again.

On Jan 27, 8:19 am, Joan Carter <spamf...@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
I would suggest you might want to keep some of what you said from
Deb, about being stuck in a corner and dusted off or in a home.
She might just like having you around, same as I like having Jim
around.

Alex, +1 to what Joan said.

Not long after my diagnostic switcheroo from RR to SPMS, I was --
well, a little crazy, to be honest. There were some bad times there,
with constant nerve burn, waking Dennis up with the exorcist-style
spasms, not having much money to contribute to the family pot, being
able to do less aorund the house -- just feeling pretty useless, as
well as in pain, and not being able to see what good could possibly
come from my coontinued presence in the lives of my loved ones.

I truly felt as if they'd be "better off" without me in thepicture.
Eventually, I realized that my own doom and gloom cloud (remember that
kid from "Peanuts" with the rain cloud following him around
everywhere? I was That Kid!) was causing more problems than my
physical disabilities.

I'll tell you the truth, I *still* don't totally "get" what benefit
Dennis derives from my continued presence in his life -- he's a catch,
and life would go on, right? Except he doesn't share my feelings about
what's best for *him*. Even though I don't totally understand it, I
had to come to *accept* that he was being truthful when he said he
wanted me in his life, that instead of messing it up, I was enriching
it. Don't get it, but believe it. And give thanks for the truth of it.
And occasionally still feel lik I'm "holding him back" or being "more
hassle than I'm worth," but those feelings fade in the face of love
and commitment that I did nothing to earn, and don't really deserve.
Like I said, it's a *gift*.

That's me, however, not you. You, you deserve it. You're a great guy,
and remind me of Dennis in lots of ways. It's not hard at all for me
to believe that *you* contribute to your family in ways large and
small, and that not only your family, but the world itself, would be a
poorer place without you in it. It's probaly easier to see in others,
the things you can't really grok about your own badself.

M.S. really *is* an ADVENTURE! Sometimes the "adventure ride" is fun;
other times not. Just hang on for the next go-round, I bet there's
plenty of wild fun still in store for all of us. And I do believe
that's a *good* thing! ;->

Feel better!
RD
.

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