Ouch! I did it again.

No, the subject line is not my Brittany Spears imitation. I wouldn't be
able do a proper imitation of her, anyway. I wear underwear.

But, I digress, where was I?

Oh, yeah.

OUCH! DAMMIT!!

You would think that I would have learned my lesson, from the first
*two* times I managed to crash my power chair. But, nooooo. I guess
I'm a slow learner. :-(

Yesterday was Deb's "Big Five-Oh", and I thought, hey, I can pick up a
cake and some ice cream, thats not too much for me to manage with the chair.

So, I'm coming home from the grocery store, and there is a bag of
garbage, partially blocking the sidewalk. I figured, ok, there's still
just enough room for me to get around it, no problem.

As I get up next to it, I look over the side of my chair, to make sure
I'm clearing the bag.

Bad move. Very, very bad move.

Apparently, when I turned my head and leaned over the left side of the
chair, to look at the bag, I inadvertently/sub-consciously moved the
joystick to the right. The problem with that, was that the edge of the
sidewalk, and a corresponding six inch drop to the street, were on the
right.

I gained a rather interesting perspective, laying there, sideways, on
the street. Now, in my former life, although I wouldn't call myself a
mechanic, I have seen the underside a car or two. But, this is the
first time I've been able to see a similar view, *while they were moving*!

Odd as it may seem, the first thing that went through my mind, was
images of Gallagher [1], and exploding watermelons. Of course, it was
probably triggered by the fact that my head was only a few feet away
from the tires of the passing cars.

Fortunately, there still are quite a few good people left in the world.
I don't know how many people stopped to help, as I was a just wee bit
'dazed and confused', trying to figure out how I wound up in that
position, but there was a bunch of them.

They lifted the chair back onto the sidewalk, which was more than I
expected. I figured they would just upright the chair, and I would
drive up the street, to the corner, where there was a curb cut, and I
would get back onto the sidewalk from there.

After they got me situated, back in the chair, I realized that the fall
had broken the bottom hinge for the front support post of the right side
armrest, where the controller is located. Now, this presented a real
problem, as now the armrest, and the controller, were hanging down next
to the seat cushion, and at an odd angle. The mounting block for the
controller had twisted, around the bar that it attaches to.

Fortunately, as it was cold outside, I had put my heavy wool blanket
over my legs, before I left the house. I was able to pull some of it
out to the side, making a little pocket for the post to sit in, and
support the armrest, so I could manage to drive home. Whew!

After solving that problem, one woman even walked along with me and
carried the bags, just to make sure I got home ok. (On a little side
note, the cake was still in *perfect* shape. Somehow it must have
landed right side up when I fell.)

As I was thanking everyone for their help, one man said "Hey, there's no
need for thanks, its just the right thing to do." That comment showed
me that there *really* are some good people around, that society hasn't
gone completely to hell, despite my rantings otherwise.

Fortunately, as I was bundled up for the cold, I managed to escape
without any road rash this time. But, I'm aching, pretty much all over,
and my right elbow and forearm are sore. But, I think my fingernails
and my hair are ok. At least they don't hurt.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I should just give up. I'll just prop
myself up in a chair, in a corner, by a window, and leave me there, nice
and safe. I'll make a nice accessory piece, Deb can just dust me off
once in a while, kind of like an end table.

I'm so sick of this disease, and what its done to me. I really have
been trying to be careful with the chair, especially so, after the
previous incidents. I think I'm having problems processing everything I
need to, from the environment around me. I mean, it was *obvious* that
I needed to watch for the edge of the sidewalk, and I had been paying
attention to it, up to that point.

So what happened? How did I manage to let this happen? Yet again?
Normally, whenever I'm out and about in the chair, I *have* been very
cautious, keeping in mind my previous accidents. I just don't know if I
can trust myself alone, anymore. Thank <deity> that I don't cook
anymore, or I probably would have burned the house down by now.

I don't know, I just either want the old Alex back, or for it to be over
with. I'm just so freakin' sick and tired of being, well, sick and
tired. Maybe they should just stick me in the Veteran's Home. Then
I'll be nice and safe, from myself, and they won't have to deal with my
problems anymore.

Deb might actually get a full night's sleep again, for a change, without
being awoken, either by my spasms, or getting hit because I'm fighting
someone in a nightmare, or just me getting up in the middle of the night.

No more disappointments because I'm too tired to attend a particular
school function, basketball, or baseball game with Little Alex.

No more packing me into the van, and Deb having to deal with the
portable chair when we go somewhere.

Deb wouldn't have to take time off from work, to haul me off to yet
another doctor, or test, spinning our wheels, going through the motions,
pretending that we are doing something, for something that is never
going to get better, and in fact, is only going to get worse.

I mean, what's the point, besides enriching the health care system?

I don't know.

If you've managed to read this far, sorry for the rambling and ranting.
Maybe I'm just feeling down right now, because I'm still sore from the
accident, I don't know. Hopefully I'll feel better after I heal up.


Alex

[1] For the uninitiated, Gallagher is a comedian who, as part of his
act, smashes watermelons, cantelopes, and just about anything else he
can get his hands on, with a huge wooden mallet.
http://gallaghersmash.com/
.

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