OT: The recent politically correct Christmas


'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck,

How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves,"

It seems "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions up at the North Pole,

Were said by the Union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished with much propriety,

Released to the wilds by the Humane Society,

And the EEOC had just made it quite clear,

That Santa had better not use JUST reindeer,

So Dancer and Donner and Comet and Cupid

Were replaced with four pigs, and you know that looked stupid.

The runners had both been removed from his sleigh,

The ruts were too dangerous, intoned EPA.

And people had started to call for the cops

When they heard prancing noises on their own rooftops.

Even smoke from his pipe had the people quite frightened

And his fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows

Rudolph sued the old man for the use of his nose.

He had gone on TV and in front of the nation

He had cried out to Oprah for due compensation.

So half of the reindeer were gone and his wife,

Who suddenly said she was sick of this life,

Joined a self-helping group and then left in a whiz

Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts he had nary a notion,

That making a choice could cause such a commotion.

Nothing of leather and nothing of fur

Which meant nothing for him and nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute

Nothing to aim at and nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise,

Nothing for JUST girls or JUST for the boys,

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.

Nothing too warlike or too non-pacific.

No candy or sweets, they are bad for the tooth.

Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, too, while they're not yet forbidden

Were like Barbie and Ken...they were better off hidden.

No baseball no football, someone could get hurt.

Besides, playing sports exposed kids to the dirt.

Dolls were too sexist and should be passé,

Nintendo 'twas found, rots your brain cells away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed.

He just couldn't figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, he tried to be gay,

But you've got to be careful with that word, they say.

His sack was quite empty, laying limp on the ground;

No suitable gift for this year could be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might

Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy with no indecision,

Each group of all people in every religion;

Every ethnicity, each color and hue,

Everyone, everywhere, yes, even you.

So he spoke his one gift with a price beyond worth....

"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on this earth."

>>To Your Good Health,
>
.

Relevant Pages

  • Concert poem
    ... That Santa had better not use just reindeer. ... Rudolf was suing for unauthorized use of his nose, ... Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. ...
    (uk.people.silversurfers)
  • another night before christmas
    ... 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... ... That Santa had better not use just reindeer. ... Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. ... merry christmas everybody...and to all a happy and a healthy new year. ...
    (rec.music.artists.springsteen)
  • Re: A (slightly late) Poem for Xmas
    ... That Santa had better not use just reindeer. ... Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite ... Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. ... Points for effort-and a Merry WTF we're calling it this season.. ...
    (soc.culture.scottish)
  • Pollitically Correct Chrismas
    ... Pollitically Correct Chrismas ... That Santa had better not use just reindeer. ... Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. ... Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. ...
    (alt.smokers.cigars)
  • Re: Pollitically Correct Chrismas
    ... That Santa had better not use just reindeer. ... Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. ... Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, ... Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. ...
    (alt.smokers.cigars)