Re: OT: Thanks
- From: Lou@xxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 18 Dec 2005 12:17:34 GMT
Herb wrote:
> As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of
> > you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the
> > past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and
> > wealthy.
> >
> > Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
> > envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
> > seal an envelope.
> >
> > Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
> >
> > Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
> > remove toilet stains.
> >
> > I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
> > products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
> >
> > I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
> >
> > I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
> > pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
> >
> > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
> > water buffalo on a hot day.
> >
> > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
> > perfume sample and rob me.
> >
> > I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx
> > since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
> >
> > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
> > number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
> > Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
> >
> > I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
> > mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
> >
> > I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
> > free replacement pair from Nike to run the Disney Marathon.
> >
> > I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
> > have their recipe.
> >
> > I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
> > angels looking out for me.
> >
> > Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
> > forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> > minutes.
> >
> > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
> > about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)
> >
> > I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive
> > the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
> > their special email program.
> >
> > Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
> > return the favor!
> >
> > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
> > 7minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on
> > your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
> > because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
> > ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician ! LOL Have a
> > great day!
> >
Good way to start my day. Thanks.
Lou
.
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- From: Herb
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