OT: Thanks
- From: "Herb" <hjrab@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sat, 17 Dec 2005 10:57:34 -0600
As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of
> you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the
> past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and
> wealthy.
>
> Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
> envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
> seal an envelope.
>
> Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
> remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
> pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
> water buffalo on a hot day.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
> perfume sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx
> since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
> number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
> Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
> mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
> free replacement pair from Nike to run the Disney Marathon.
>
> I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
> have their recipe.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
> angels looking out for me.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
> forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> minutes.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
> about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)
>
> I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive
> the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
> their special email program.
>
> Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
> return the favor!
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
> 7minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on
> your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
> because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
> ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician ! LOL Have a
> great day!
>
.
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