Re: Losing my mind


<tralyn88@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:61bc329d-1b95-4edb-94a5-80b0f29bd186@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi everyone.

First, I need to thank everyone on this group for being the wonderful
and supportive people that you are. Next, I need to apologize for the
ranting and whining I am about to embark upon, but I need to vent. No
need to respond because there's nothing you can probably say to make
me feel better anyway. I just need to get this out. Please don't think
I'm a total nutcase all the time, although I have been acting like one
these last 24 hours or so.

I'm feeling very, very fragile. I thought I was handling things pretty
well, coming to terms with the Big D diagnosis during the same week I
wrecked my car in a deer accident on the highway. Double whammy.

I've been coping, learning to accept T2 and reading everything I can
find online. I'm eating well, exercising every day, etc. Physically, I
actually feel pretty darn good. I'm sleeping better and I'm more
energetic when I wake up.

Mentally, is another story. I thought everything was going good and
then something stupid totally sent me into an emotional tailspin
yeterday and I have not been able to set my brain right since. Really,
it was stupid. As I was leaving work yesterday, an @ss who parks next
to me (assigned parking) b*tched that I didn't know how to park. (I
did park crooked -- in a freakin boat of a Ford Exporer, the only car
the rental company had available while my car is in the shop for
bodywork after the deer crash.) Anyway, I totally lost it -- not in
front of him, fortunately. I started bawling about it as if it matters
what this jerk thinks of my parking skills.

Anyway, I pulled myself together and went to the grocery store to buy
some ingredients for some great low-carb recipes I found on dlife.com.
(Try the aloha chicken. Yum.) In the grocery store, I lost it again
walking past all the things I can't eat anymore. People must've
thought I was nuts pushing that grocery cart around with tears welling
up in my eyes.

So ... I went home and called a friend of mine who I thought would
understand. She listened to me for about 60 seconds and then proceeded
to describe in great detail a chocolate-rum-crepe dessert she had on
vacation in Mexico last week. It was horrible.

So ... I called my best friend who responded that diabetes isn't so
bad. She knows someone who has diabetes and drinks these delicious low-
carb banana milkshakes every day. Seriously, THAT was what she had to
say. I wanted to scream. A banana milkshake is not going to resolve my
concerns about going blind, dying young, having to freakin exercise
every day which I hate to do. (Yes, I realize that my concerns are
somewhat exaggerated and I am thinking of worst-case scenarios, but
the point is that she didn't get it at all.)

Anyway, while I was talking to her I was making two different low-carb
recipes. I'm not good at doing two things at once and in the middle of
this my neighbor showed up to visit, so I actually had three things
going on at once. I ended up screwing up both recipes. I put mayonaise
in the strawberry-creamcheese-coolwhip dessert mixture by accident
when it was supposed to go in the other recipe. Seriously. I am losing
it. I feel like I could start crying again right now and I'm not even
sure why.

On another note ... I did notice one unpleasant physical effect
yesterday. ... I was in a meeting yesterday and it had been about four
hours since I had eaten and I started feeling very dizzy and cloudy.
Classic low-blood sugar reaction, I'm assuming. The thing is that I
haven't really felt this way before (except a few times after very
vigorous exercise). Why should I feel this way now that I am eating
better and controlling carbs, etc? I didn't feel this way when I was
eating any darn thing I wanted, so why now? Or maybe it's
psychological? (As you see, I'm not quite psychologically stable at
the moment, so it could be that.)

So ... I'm really struggling now.

Thanks for reading this.

When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know what to eat. Yes, I was given a
long list of safe foods, but it was a very bad photocopy that was two pages
long. It was so blurry and smeary that I couldn't make out most of it. I
could make out the word "cabbage:" so I picked up a head of that. And also
some diet soda. I remember walking through the grocery store with those two
items and tears in my eyes. I saw the words "evil" and "poison" stamped on
all the other foods.

Things got worse after the visit to the dietician. Yes, she explained the
various foods better, but she also said I had to be on an eating schedule
and could not deviate my meals by as much as 5 minutes. I was not good at
fixing some of these complicated (and mostly yucky) recipes I got from
diabetic cookbooks and my meals were never on time. So I just didn't eat.
I thought if I missed my meal time, I couldn't eat. Went for two hungry
weeks thinking that!

When I was first put on meds, I had a LOT of hypos. I sat in the recliner,
passing out, seemingly at random. My daughter was a baby and my parents had
to come to take care of her because I couldn't. I was sick for about two
weeks. Didn't leave the house at all. That was a horrible time.

Expect your eyesight to get blurry off and on too. That will happen as your
BG stabilizes.

It does get better with time. But it might take a long time. It was
several years before I would go to movies or other social events where there
was food. I just couldn't handle being around people who were eating what I
could not.


.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Losing my mind
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  • Re: Just one more. This wont count.
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