Re: IT Happened Again!!! HELP
- From: "CN" <ChattyCatty@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 31 Mar 2009 07:51:40 -0500
"ensoul" <ensoul98@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
there is NO solotion
I don't know what to say, Ensoul, I'm hoping someone else here can help you
through this like they helped me. I've been where you are a few times (I
think most of us here have been) and, honestly, the only thing that kept me
hanging on were vestiges of my Catholic upbringing (there's nothing like the
thought of burning in hell for eternity to keep you from wanting to get
there immediately). In the meantime...
The following is a section from a piece I wrote for an organization I'm a
member of - years ago, but it's still appropriate. It was written to
address a different problem - women who were being abused - but it still
addresses the main issue you're struggling with.
Even if you are in what you think is a hopeless situation - even if you see
no way out of the deep, dark depression that overwhelms you - even though
nobody is there to lend you a hand or a spare dime - THINGS WILL GET BETTER!
"This, too, shall pass." Nothing lasts forever, though some things seem to.
Do you have absolutely no money to pay bills? Let them cut off the phone,
let them take back the TV - man survived long before we had those things,
they are not essential to survival. Is your husband abusing you? GET OUT
NOW! There are places to go, and even if there weren't, being a street
person is better than being a punching bag. Are you being evicted from your
home? Find a cheaper place to live immediately - there is low-cost housing
out there, and roaches and rats won't eat more of your food than you do. Man
survived living in caves with saber-toothed tigers roaming the land - you
can face a rodent or two. Do you have no money for food? I can tell you from
experience that the body can survive on almost nothing. And that is the main
point - YOU CAN SURVIVE IT. Eventually things will get better. And if you
work hard at it they can get much better. You just have to grit your teeth
and stop thinking in near-future terms only. If you take the easy way out,
if you give up all hope and kill yourself, then there is no chance for
things to get better. As long as you're alive there is some hope that your
life will improve. And take it from someone who was in the deepest pits of
hell - it does get better. I would never have believed, back then, what
wonderful things I would have missed (a grandbaby's smile!) had I been
successful in killing myself.
If you still think that not even a miracle could improve your lot, then I'd
like you to think about this before you pick up that bottle of pills. What
will you be leaving behind? Statistics show that many families of a suicide
soon have another member do the same. The surviving family members are
angry, not sympathetic, towards the suicide. And with the suicide no longer
around, that anger gets directed inwards and becomes depression. A single
suicide in a family can start a chain reaction. Children of suicides bear a
burden of guilt like no other. Think about how lousy a person you would feel
like if even your own mother had to kill herself to get away from you! Think
about how low a child must feel to realize that the one person who is
supposed to be their most trusted, loving support, does not love them enough
to stick around and take care of them. And outside of the havoc you'll wreak
on your own family, what will others think about you? Will they feel sorry
for all the slights they made you while you were alive? Will they feel pity
at all the torment you suffered that only death could ease? Will they say,
"Oh if only I could have done something to help - been nicer to her.."? NO,
THEY WILL NOT. They will tsk-tsk and remark about how unstable you always
were. They will sneer in contempt at the cowardice of taking the easy way
out. They will brag about how, unlike you, they've always been able to cope
with their troubles. They will tell crude jokes about death and suicide to
ease the vague fear they feel about it. BUT THEY WILL FORGET YOU EVER
EXISTED IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS TIME!
Do you still feel like swallowing those pills or picking up that razorblade?
Well, think about just one more thing. I think that there was a reason for
my "miraculous" recovery. I know there was still work for me to do rearing
my children and making them independent and secure in their lives, but there
is still something more than even that. I need to pass on what it took so
long and so hard for me to learn. It's simply this: nobody can do anything
TO you. They may be directing words or actions AT you, but they can't really
touch the "you" inside. You are free to react in any way you choose. You can
(and probably do, from habit) choose to feel depressed, sad, victimized,
hurt, betrayed, ignored, or whatever else it is you are feeling when someone
says or does something mean to you. But understand: YOU ARE DOING THIS TO
YOURSELF! Only you have the power over what you are feeling at any given
time. No one else can "impose" a feeling on you from the outside. For
example, say someone says to you, "You are a lazy, worthless bitch". You
think that they are making you feel bad or angry by saying this. But they
aren't - they can't possibly control what you feel, only you can do that.
They can only try to make you feel bad. You could just as well choose to be
amused by what is said, laughing, and thinking to yourself, 'What a stupid
person he is to have such a WRONG opinion of me.' I know that it is very
hard to take control of your emotions and DECIDE what you're going to feel.
All our lives we are taught that people have power over our emotions - but
that's wrong! Don't say, "He made me mad." The truth is that you decided to
react with anger to what he said or did. Remember that control is power. If
you just keep trying, if you keep using positive "self talk", it will become
a habit, and you will be able to react in any way you choose in any given
situation. This self-possession commands a great deal of respect from
others. Once you learn how to control your emotions, the change in your life
will be amazing. Because, then, YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY - NO MATTER WHAT
LIFE THROWS AT YOU! This isn't just a platitude; it's a hard won lesson in
reality. I always sum it up as, "When bad things happen in life, you can
either laugh about it, or you can cry about it. Neither reaction will change
what has happened, but it is so much more fun to laugh than it is to cry -
and your nose won't get red!" And remember that LAUGHTER IS POWER. Laughter
can banish fear, laughter can conquer bullies, and laughter can give you the
strength to face things you never thought you could face.
There are a few small things you can do for immediate help when you are
feeling overwhelmed with depression, helplessness, and fear. First of all DO
something. Rearrange the furniture, clean out a closet, and if you don't
like housework, just pack up the kids and take a walk. This accomplishes two
things. First of all, the physical exertion will help wash out of your
bloodstream the hormones and chemicals that are associated with depression.
Secondly, just the act of doing something, anything, helps get rid of that
feeling of helplessness. You are taking charge of something, no matter how
small, and this leads to confidence that you can take charge of the larger
things. Then, find a friend to talk to. Even if there is nothing they can do
to help you out of your situation, it will at least keep you in contact with
a "saner" perspective on things (providing you pick a sane friend, that is
;> ). Next, find the courage to take your problems to a professional. Look
in the phonebook for agencies that can help you find what you need in the
way of physical, psychological, financial, or legal assistance. I would have
given anything, 30 years ago, to have had the resources available to me that
are available to women today!
Please, take a moment to think about the things I've written - before you
make any "final" decisions about your life. If I have helped you to get
through a crisis, then please repay the favor by passing on this lesson to
others who need to learn it. Remember, too, the old saying, "The man with no
shoes felt pity for himself until he met the man with no feet". The best
therapy of all is to trivialize your troubles by helping those with even
I know this is geared towards women battered by their husbands, but
depression is depression no matter the cause. You could as well personalize
your pain and substitute that as the antagonist. You *DO* have people who
care about you who would be hurt if you *chose* to leave them.
Please keep in touch here - we can all relate to what you're going through,
better even than your doctors.
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