Re: Aw, CRAP!

On Oct 10, 9:33 pm, "Cabbi" <ca...@xxxxxxx> wrote:
"OldGoat" <oldgoatm...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message

news:csfPi.15468$Cd7.8054@xxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Cabbi,

I usually tell this to friends who have run afoul of the legal system as
they await a court date, but I think it still applies here. Don't worry
about it until you know what you're facing for sure. I know it's easier
said than done, both from legal and medical entanglements of my own.
Don't give in to any medical/psychological terrorism until you're under
attack for sure. Deny it a chance to win from Jump street.
A good soul such as yourself deserves to be with us a long, long time.
Positive vibes are on their way from us all. Hang tough for us too.
And by all means keep us updated.
I got everything crossed for you for luck. I mean everything. So what if I
walk funny...

Hang in there, my friend--og

--
Be Sure to Check Out the PAYNE HERTZ blog, for people with chronic pain,
by people with chronic pain.
join in at:http://paynehertz.blogspot.com

"Cabbi" <ca...@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:13gqlbcj7v95v16@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Here we go again. I finally gave up and went to the doctor. I have
pneumonia. So I have some minor problems with getting all the four 300mg
Cleocin caps down every day for a week. I only miss a few, but the
diligent Dr. sends me for a CT scan. It comes back with a round, strange
shadow in my right (not symptomatic) lobe. Now I'm up for a bronchoscope
on Friday or so. Could be nothing, or cancer. ***! I didn't hesitate, I
normally would, but I've been so sick for so long that I can't imagine
ignoring this test.
I'll let you know what shows up when I know. Don't we all just hate this
part? Personally, I've been through it so long that I'm not too
concerned. Still........
All my love to each of you,
Cabbi

Dear OG,
you are too kind. I feel like a total fraud when I hear the kindnesses you
heap upon me, and so much less the deserving recipient of good will. But I
know we're our own worst judges of such things, so I won't interfere with
you good wishes. I welcome them, and I just happen to need them at this
particular point. Thank you and all others who have been so kind to me in
this NG and in our emails. It really shows how much human nature thrives
inspire of the negative influences it may suffer from without.
Love,
Cabbi

It has been a good while so most would not likely remember. Two years
ago in January, will be 3 years this coming Jan. I was commuting from
Minnesota to Kansas City weekly.....yes I know thats crazy, but the
pay warranted it, If there had been a decent air connection between
the 2 areas I would have just flown, but anyway, I was drivng ti KC on
Sunday, working 10 hr days thru Thursday, back to MN either Thursday
night or Friday. On the last trip I noticed a burning pain in my lower
left back, like a kidney I thought. I didnt worry about it, cuz it
went away when I quit driving so I figured it was a kink...I alread
had the 3 herniated thoracic disks, so I was used to upper back pain,
never had any lower back pain before, so I thought it was all the
driving making my muscles spasm in that area....2 days later im in
town and get rear ended...only about 25 mph at a stoplight, but then
my back was on FIRE, it was so bad that for the first time ever I
asked for the ambulance. They got me half ass comfortable at the
hospital, and did am MRI, and I could see on the techs face, something
wasnt right. I had a long time doctor here in KS, so they sent down
the images and read to him. He didnt waste time he said, yov've got a
tumor, this needs to come out right away, he also asked me if I wanted
to see a neurosurgeon he knew at KU Med center, I told him since I was
living in MN I would just go to Mayo Clinic...this was the first time
I was forbidden to drive....so I asked him straight up if I had
cancer, and he said he couldnt tell me for sure, but he said it
couldnt wait....he had been my doc since I was 13, he and the nurse
were teary eyed and I was scared to death. I told him I would fly to
Rochester, cuz I wanted to be with my wife and kids when I got the
news. After jumping thru the Mayo hoops...them telling me I didnt need
opiate pain relief, its only for end stage cancer patients, and I
yelled at him....I may be a fucking end stage cancer patient ***!
Next they wanted to put me in a pain program...biofeedback,
accupuncture and other uninsurable voodoo, for about 25 grand. I
demanded to see a Neurosurgeon, or I would file a complaint...and I
stayed on their complaint line for 2 weeks until those idiots got me
to the Neurosurgeon, and he wanted a biopsy of the
tumor....FINALLY...Now all I had working against me was
anticipation...and agony...Mayo refused any opiate meds, even though I
was alreadt taking them for my upper back, they were prescribed from
another MN doc, but she wouldnt prescribe once I switched to the
clinic, for obvious reasons..I understood she didnt want to look like
she was allowing doc shopping, and I told Mayo this...they didnt care,
I called my Kansas doc to ask what was best, I told him if nothing
else Id fly down for a script, and fly back for the test, he fed-ex'd
me the needed scripts...I thanked him and told him if that would get
him in trouble not to worry about me...I would rather fly down...and
he told me it wast a problem, but If I was staying in MN, Id need to
find a doc who could take care of it.....anyways...so finally, i get
relief.....2 days later the biopsy turned up a neurofibroma....totally
non-malignant, but can turn that way. Until it either becomes
malignant, or totally cripples my left leg, 3 top neurosurgeons
consider it to be inoperable, unless i sign an elective waiver, which
means i pay for it all . It is wrapped in a tamgle of nerves that most
likely would make my left leg useless, and of course nerve scarring
would later bring back the same or worse pain...what options.

Now Cabbi my friend, I dont write this to say, "see? some have it
worse" No, not at all, and I hope you know me well enough to know I
wouldnt. In my rambling way Im saying I know what the wait is like.
The gamut of fears, doubts, possibilities and wondering what my
family's future would be if it were cancer, and on and on. I waited
nearly a month, while wonderful Mayo docs harassed me for opiod
therapy as if I were a felon...they treated me like dirt when I was
scared to death I may be dying in anywhere from 6 months to a year. I
hope they can sleep at night. Ive since forgiven them, but I wonder
how they could let someone who made a last minute flight to get a
diagnosis of possible cancer flail in the wind, untreated for a month.
My heart and prayers are with you my friend, and I know right now,
from here to Friday seems like more than a month. Heck I even tried
going to the ER to force their hand....it was just another chnce for
them to call me a seeker, and sent me home to wait. Please try not to
dwell on that...as easy as it is to say...anything., or anyone you
love, and an activity to distract you will not only give you a bright
spot, it will also make that wait that much shorter. You know how to
email me if theres anything your're more comfortable discussing
privately, but you will be very high on my prayer and hope list..and
yet again God has shown me how I was foolish to have ever thought
about leaving this group...not that Im a guardian angel...far from it,
but to have walked away when people I care for are in crisis would
have been a grave mistake.

Im with you my friend, you know how to reach me.

Deus Vobisccum,
-dave

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