Re: THEY WIN!! I GIVE UP!!

Bravo Juba for being above past issues and trying to help, that shows just
how far this group has come the past year or so, I know I'm no one to talk
but I just had to add my 2cent for your effort :) thanks man, good job...

And all I can add is what I tell everyone, out there somewhere there's a
doctor who is waiting to give you what you need to cover your pain condition
issues but you'll have to close the distance since he does not know you
exist, you'll have to find him and that takes looking, at times a lot of
looking but he's or she's (in my case) out there, you need to look for
them...Joe

"Juba" <juba@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:uulgi.m4k.19.1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Andrea <lilkeno07@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message:
1179915011.928960.278280@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,

On April 9th my pain doctor tells me he is leaving town and that I
have to find a new doctor..

I find one who happens to be a very caring doctor. I saw him on April
26th.. He says, You are a good canidate for a Morphine Pump but he
don't put them in anymore because he is just to busy with other
surgeries.. So he sends me to this idiot I saw today.. But before I
left, he says, Andrea, I want to you add ONE DOSE of each pill per day
till you see the new doctor.. That ment I was to take 10mgs of
Oxycodone 3 times a day and 30mgs of Morphine 3 times a day.. He asked
me if I needed a prescription and I said no because I had extra's due
to early refills and I would see him in a few weeks..

Rememeber these words...

He said Andrea, you are at your MAX and this is why I want you to see
a doctor about a Morphine Pump.. I said ok..

Well that helped me to where I could do a little more with the kids..

May 3rd I go in for injections knowing that they wouldn't help me but
I did care.. I was at the point to one minute of no pain was better
than nothing.

Anyways, my pain doctors office called and said I had one more appt
with them to get my last refill which was on May 7th before he moved
out of town..

I go in and the first thing he asked me is if I found a new doctor and
if I had any more injections.. I said yes and yes again.. It was then
I told him the injections worked for about 30 minutes and he said
GOOD.. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.. GOOD?? Then he asked me
the name of the new doctor? I tell him.. Then I tell him that the new
doctor added another dose of the medication for me a take.. In stead
of what he had me taking which was one of each twice a day, the new
doctor had me take it 3 times a day..

Well he starts screaming at me and told me, you can not be on that
high of narcotics.. Can you see, you are at your LIMIT?? He says no, I
want you back on the dose I put you on..

I slammed my hand on the bed and I started yelling right back and
said, CAN'T YOU SEE I AM IN PAIN?? I CAN'T EVEN WALK STRAIGHT
ANYMORE.. I said, what the hell is wrong with this picture??

By this time I had snapped.. I was tried of being his little puppet
and me left in pain..

I said I know ppl on more and stronger medication than this crap you
got me on and you have me suffering like a wounded dog that needs to
be taken out and SHOT!!! And yet you want me to have a Morphine Pump
put in?? COME ON!!!

I said, YOU REMEMBER IN AUGUST 2005 JUST 3 DAYS BEFORE MY HUSBAND
DIED, I CAME TO YOU FOR HELP.

I said back then I was on 40mgs of Methadone every 6 hours around the
clock and 2 Lortab 10's every 4 hours and Soma every 8 hours.. I said
I came here to see you for help because ONE, all that medication had
stopped working. My pain level was high as it is now and back then you
said, I want you to have a MORPHINE PUMP!!!

He stood there with his mouth open.. I said LOOK AT IT.. READ IT..
COME ON!! Look AT WHAT YOU WROTE IN MY FILES AND READ WHAT I SAID TO
YOU ABOUT THE MORPHINE PUMP!!

By this time I had already had a copy of my records...lol I knew what
the hell I was talking about..

His records states..

It has been recommended that she have an inplantable pain pump, but
she did not feel she was ready and does not want one at this time..

So it was then he lowered his voice and says well I will keep you on
the 30mgs of Morphine 3 times a day but I only want you to take one
Oxycondone twice a day and that is your max till you get that Morphine
pump in..

I swears he thinks he was doing me a freaking favor by keeping me on
30 mgs of of Morphine 3 times a day..

I know what they have me taking now it is NOTHING compare to what some
ppl here are on and I knew that!!

BUT YET MY HANDS WERE TIED AND HE AND OTHER DOCTORS KEPT TELLING ME I
AM AT MY LIMIT AND I NEED A MORPHINE PUMP..

Well this is BS.. What I need is my pain to be controlled and that's
it..

I feel like a freaking FOOL right now.. WHY?? Because I knew I am not
at my limit on pain medications and I let these jerks BS me into
limits when I know for a fact that there limits are low doses and in
the mean time, I am the one suffering..

ANYWAYS TODAY...

I go in to see this new doctor to talk about the Morphine Pump..

AS we both sat down he asked how he could help me.. I said well
doctor, I am on this and this and two doctors has said to me they want
me to have a Morphine Pump and that I am at my limit on pain meds.

He sat there and said no that I can not have a Morhoine Pump.. His
reason is that I am at my MAX of Morphine which is 30mgs 3 times a day
and he said since that is not controlling my pain then the pain pump
won't either..

He said, get used to living in this much pain Andrea for the rest of
your life.. He says you have a SCS and you are on Oxycodone 10mgs 2
times a day and Morphine 30mgs 3 times a day.. He said all that should
control your pain..

I said you know what? I am a mother to two children.. I can not
believe that you would let them remember me like this.. A mother who
is in bed all the time due to pain..

THANKS FOR NOTHING!!!! AND I WALKED OUT..

I am so mad and upset I have not stop crying since I left his
office..


I was so mad that I got on the phone and called his doctor and left a
message for him to call me back..

He called me back with in 5 minutes and says, Andrea how can I help
you?

I said yes you can but first let me tell you something..

I SAID, THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING MY CHILDREN WATCH THE ONLY MOTHER THAT
CARES AND LOVES THEM SPEND ALL HER TIME IN THE BED BECAUSE OF HER
CHRONIC PAIN..

I SAID WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR DOES THAT TO A MOTHER WHO IS RAISING
CHILDREN? I SAID GOD FORBID I EVER GET CANCER. I SAID, YOU WOULD BE
THE LAST DOCTOR I WOULD WANT TO SEE AND I PROMISE YOU THAT. I SAID YOU
WOULD BE THE ONE TO LET ME LAY THERE ON MY DEATH BED AND DIE IN PAIN.

At this point I felt like I had nothing to lose and I just don't give
a rats ass anymore.

Anyways.

HE SAYS NOTHING.

Then I said, and since you are sending back to the CLINIC, I want to
know how do you EXPECT this incompetent doctor who doesn't write
everything down to control my pain and what do YOU expect her to start
giving me since YOU AND OTHER DOCTORS SAY I AM AT MY MAX ON PAIN
MEDICATION TO DO?

LISTEN TO THIS!!!!

HE SAYS.. WEll Andrea I want your doctor at the clinic to start giving
you 60mgs of Morphine twice a day (I'm on 30mgs 3 times a day now) and
Oxycodone 10mgs twice a day (which is what I take now) and Lyrica
50mgs 3 times a day..

The first thing I said, I have never taken Lyrica, will it comatose
me? I said will it MAKE me sleep during the day because I can not live
like that either since I DO HAVE CHILDREN.. HE SAYS, WELL I HOPE NOT.

Then I said, see I don't understand.

When I was in the office earlier, YOU SAID, I WAS AT MY MAX ON
MORPHINE AND NOW YOU ARE GIVING ME A HIGHER DOSE.. AND YET YOU WON'T
PUT IN A MORPHINE PUMP.

He then says, well Andrea putting in a Morphine pump has a lot of
complications.

I said remember I told you, I did research on the Internet because TWO
DOCTORS said I NEED A MORPHINE PUMP TO HELP ME CONTROL MY PAIN!!

I said NAME ME ONE THAT I DON'T ALREADY KNOW ABOUT AND IS WILLING TO
TAKE THAT CHANCE BECAUSE MY PAIN IS THAT BAD..

He says, well you can break it and die from an overdose for one.. I
said ok AND??

He says, you can get an infection from the needles from getting
refills every month.. I said AND?

Then I said, WHY THE HELL DO THEY GIVE PPL IN CHRONIC PAIN, PAIN PUMPS
WITH ALL THOSE COMPLICATIONS THAT YOU CLAIM ARE SO HIGH?

He says, the Morphine Pump don't always take ALL of the pain away
Andrea and most patients still have to take pain medications.

I said do I look stupid to you or something?? I said, I knew all the
risk before I came in to talk to YOU!!!.

I said, Like I told you earlier, I have friends that have Morphine
Pumps and they swear by them and how they got part of their lives
back. I said yes they are still on pain meds but that is because they
are still in pain. Is it to much to ask for you to help ME get MY LIFE
BACK so that I can give my children a better life??

You know what he said to me?

He said, then you go to your friends doctor because I won't do it.

It was then he said he had to go because HE had patients waiting on
him.

I said ok THANK YOU BYE!!

So now I have to go see this other IDIOT INCOMPETENT DOCTOR at the
clinic and hope she will write out the prescriptions for my pain
medications oh and hope she writes everything down.

Can you believe that this doctor is a Anesthesioligist Doctor?

WARNING!! WARNING!!

IF ANYONE HERE IN CHRONIC PAIN IS THINKING ABOUT MOVING TO RENO,
NEVADA.. DON'T. THE DOCTORS HERE ARE WORTHLESS.. I SWEAR.. LETS SEE.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 FREAKING DOCTORS AND ALL BUT MAYBE ONE IS USELESS.. I
WILL FIND OUT SOON IF #5 TURNS OUT TO BE USLESS TOO.

They win.. I give up.. I can't fight these jerks any longer.. I don't
have it in me to fight anymore..

I WILL NOT LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THIS AND IN THIS MUCH PAIN!! I WILL MOVE
FIRST..

Hugs, Andrea

Despite my personal feelings towards you because of what happened in the
past I will offer some advice, but I'm not going to sugar coat it for you.

When doctors say you are at YOUR limit, what they really mean is that you
are at THEIR limit. Some doctors will exceed their usual comfort level for
a patient that they like but there's a limit to that as well. When they
get like this there's no sense in arguing with them anymore and no amount
of drama is going to get to them. In fact, the drama has the opposite
effect--it convinces them that they are right to withhold additional
medication, because they've already decided that many of your problems are
in your head and you are showing them that they are right when you act
out.

So, don't ever let your anger and frustration do the talking. If it gets
to that point it's already too late and you should just move on. When you
act out, you are inviting them to write some notes in your file that will
make it even harder for you in the future.

The second point I want to address is that since pain is very subjective
it is not a good way to explain to a doctor why you need additional pain
relief. You should always focus on quality of life issues. "Without
adequate pain relief I can't get out of bed." or "I can't take care of my
kids." or "I can't cook or do any housework." etc.

I know you've said these things before, but if you are emotional when you
say them the doctor will discount what you are saying because he will be
focusing on your behavior.

I should think that in all of Reno there's got to be at least a couple of
compassioniate doctors, but if you really think you have exhausted all of
your options there then you should definitely move. I would suggest San
Francisco or Los Angeles as places where you are likely to have better
luck.

And finally, get a copy of your records before you change doctors again.
You might be very surprised at what you read in them. And if you have to
move it'll help you get some relief sooner if you hand the new doctor a
copy of your records on the first visit.

--
Juba
www.masterjuba.com



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