At my wit's end

I've never been a quitter. I have been thru some extraordinary things
and have always fought thru. Now I am backed into a corner and have no
idea how anything is going to work. (I apologize in advance for this
rant, please close the window and move along if it is too much)

I am a spring chicken like 43 yr old male. As I've documented on here
before, I have a wife and 5 kids, 3 at home. I have degenerative disc
disease, 3 herniated thoracic discs, an egg sized neurofibroma tumor
at L2, I have epilepsy, Restless Legs Syndrome, High Blood Pressure,
severe Depresion with Psychotic Episodes, and am now being tested for
heart disease. I have applied for Social Security and am now in the
"waiting up to 2 years for a hearing" phase. My wonderful wife works
for walley-world, and brings home the huge sum of $11,000 annually. I
am so very grateful for her and her efforts. She carries insurance on
all of us, but, they have denied 90% or more of my claims calling them
pre-existing condition, which my doctor has written, and faxed them to
say that is untrue. I can't see many of the specialists I need to see
because they demand up front payment. At this point I should mention
that I no longer live in Minnesota, which had a great SRS office. We
lost our home in MN and now live in a $2,000 mobile home on my parents
land in Kansas, where $11,000 annually does not qualify us for Med
cards, and only 247 a month in food. In MN we received 600 in food,
and all were covered medically, and she made a garnd more a year
there! Wla-Mart has another tricky little insurance loophole They
are actually self-insured and use Blue Cross only as
administrators...which in shorthand means, I cant sick my state
insurance commisoner on them, only the feds have jursidiction via the
Dept. of Labor. My meds (with a prescription card total over 200 a
month. So you can imagine the remainder of our bills are a juggling
act at best. I haven't been able to pay my doctor anything, The tests
I've had at the hospital bill's are arriving, and I have no clue as to
how I'll pay those. I was seeing a sliding-scale Psychiatrist, but I
dont have even 10 bucks to slide them, so they are dropping me. (all
of this doesn't help my SSDI claim at all, since I can't see the docs
I need to for my health, and documentation of the lack of it) In a
nutshell I cannot afford even the worst care available. My doc
switched me from 80mg Oxycontin 2x day to Methadone 20mg 3x day due to
cost...with my script card the Endo generic OxyC it was 87.50 of
pocket montly.....the Methadone....without script card (they wont pay
for it) is 28 bucks....but it doesn't work near as well as the
oxy....anyway, I digress.
We have at least a week a month that my wife is very iffy on having
gasoline to get to work....we have a week a month that food is very
sketchy, and living rural as we do....food pantries are nice, but that
gasoline problem comes into play with getting to them. My parents
needless to say, are tapped from the help they have been able to give
us...and Im very grateful to them for all they have done. Its to the
point now where I dont know how were going to make it any further....I
need much more medical care...but cant get it....my kids need things,
clothes, shoes, or even the luxuries of being able to play a sport
heaven forbid. There are no luxuries in our lives, only a priority
list of needs, and what can we get by without, so we can get meds/food/
yadda yadda.
At Christmas this year we had a true blessing. I have a friend who
plays professional sports (no name dropping) and he and his family not
only provided Christmas for my kids, they gave us a 200 dollar gift
certificate to our grocery store,and a 100 dollar certificate to pizza
hut...so we could have an occasional treat. I owe him more than I
could ever express....and I wouldnt even think to ask for his help
now, though he probably would give it. So anyway, every now and then
a ray of light breaks thru like that, and I am praying for another
break in the clouds now.....not for me, but for the family that has to
bear this journey with me....no I didnt ask to be sick, but they sure
dont deserve a dad that cant play with them, get the things they need,
let alone the things they want...they get made fun of for their
clothes, and for the free school meals, and it breaks my heart to know
it is all because of me....and I keep coming back to the realization
that if I were to die somehow, Social Security would at least pay them
then, and perhaps they could live a life less hand-to mouth.

lots for me to think about.....thank you to anyone who indulges me to
read this

.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: At my wits end
    ... doctor waiting for you, ugh, I'm tired now so I'll let someone else take it ... I haven't been able to pay my doctor anything, ... gasoline problem comes into play with getting to them. ... There are no luxuries in our lives, ...
    (alt.support.chronic-pain)
  • Re: At my wits end
    ... SSDI, they're usually free to consult and limited to 10% if they get you ... dont have even 10 bucks to slide them, ... gasoline problem comes into play with getting to them. ... There are no luxuries in our lives, ...
    (alt.support.chronic-pain)
  • Re: Smash EDO protest in Brighton.
    ... comments' does there Doug? ... Dont like capitalism, then why not move to a 3rd world country then and see how you survive without banks, supermarkets, clothes shops, leisure facilities....then again, many of these yobs probably dont pay into the system with taxes ... these people make me sick, they are all living on another planet, most of them are on the dole money, and have not got a clue about working a 9-5 job, and pay the bills and mortgages, just so they know, the majority of the country think you are a waste of space, and you are not doing for us, but for your own weird wacked out mind, just go and live on a commune and let us get on with our lives, you are all so boring, and covering your faces, is a joke, because you are not brave enough to show who your really are. ...
    (uk.legal)
  • Re: Localized Hosting of WoW
    ... I have discovered there are tons of servers ... Either because they dont want to pay to play, ... its no fun if you dont get the full features. ...
    (alt.games.warcraft)
  • Re: OT (maybe): Prop player question
    ... I believe that they still have prop players here in LA at some of the ... rooms during times that dont have much activity. ... pay $10 per hour for you to play 4/8 or something like that. ...
    (rec.gambling.poker)