Re: Up-date on Me... Not a good day or month at all...

Dear Andrea,

I dont say this to be mean Andrea, but you are a fool. Plain and simple.
It's your life and you must either want surgery again or want the pain,
because you are afraid of a pill. It's folks like you that do the most
damage to people with chronic pain. The doctor offers you a drug which
could literally save your life and you are afraid of it because of a name.
That does nothing but play in to the hands of those who would ban this drug
and others like it as dangerous, while people suffer in agony, which you
find preferable to taking a pill that you would have no problem with if it
was named Frodo. Fool, fool, fool. And forget laying a dangers of
narcotics lecture on me, cause that's what you have been taking for at
least a month and I have had two dear friends, brothers, die from narcotic
issues, one 3 days dead, with a syringe still in his arm. That was abuse
and it's one hell of a long walk away from use as directed and prescribed.
You ask for help. It's dropped in your lap and it is refused out of hand
without even the commons sense to try it and see how much of your life can
be salvaged. I am sorry, but with that attitude the answer will always be
Oxycontin or methadone could have made you sick as a dog and not helped one
iota for the pain. One of them could have also been the miracle medication
that returns you to an acceptable quality of life. No excuses, just like no
answers. You will never know. You will never get better. Because you are
scared of a name. I hope you are less scared of scalpel or a wheelchair.
Stop wallowing in pain and self pity, you brought it on yourself.
I am sorry if I have hurt you emotionally, you know I am not normally this
rigid and cold, but whatever hurt I may have done to your feelings could be
nothing compared to what you have done to yourself physically. You'll never
know, because of a name.
Just sad. That's all that's left for someone with no interest in feeling
better. No pity.
Your doctor is trying his ass off. He's the one I feel sorry for, you can't
cure a patient that doesn't want to get well.

You can't support one, either--og

Andrea <nanaandrea@xxxxxxx> wrote in article
Well I made it to my appt today with my pain doctor.. He could see how
much worse I am in since the last time he saw me which was a month
ago.. The first thing he saw was the cane.. Yes the cane.. I can't
stand or walk for long periods of time now.. I am lucky if I am able to
walk for 2 minutes with out wanting to scream in pain..

The first thing that came OUT of my MOUTH was "The pain medications
were no longer working".. He was surprised his mouth dropped..

Anyways, when he saw the cane he wanted to see me walk.. So I did
that.. Then he had me bend forward and backwards.. He could see I was
in major pain..Then he checked both of my legs and feet.. He saw that I
was still not able to raise my two or push then against his hand.. Then
when he got to my feet I told him how from time to time I get this
feeling in my left foot like someone is sticking a needle in it and how
it sets me on fire..

After checking everything out he asked me about changing my pain meds
to Oxycotin.. I said no.. He says, Andrea it's the same as the
Morphine.. I said no thank you.. He asked me why.. I told him I was

Then the doctor throw a whammy at me.. He said well Andrea, I'm
thinking about sending you to a surgeon because I think you need
surgery again.. I started crying and said NO.. I refuse to have
anymore surgery because the doctor that did all these surgeries had
promised to take my pain away when all he did was make my pain worse..
So he got up to check on his list of meds to see what pain meds my
insurance would cover other than oxycotin.. He wanted to put me on a
pain patch.. I said nope, they make me sick.. Then he said how about
Methadone? I said nope not that either.. I then reminded him that the
reason why I started seeing him was because the Methadone was making me
sick.. It was then he remembered..

So as I sat there crying, I said doctor, when I was here last month you
said you were thinking about uping the does on the Kadian.. It was then
I told him I would try that and he agreed..

So now he has me taking 30mgs of Kadian twice a day which before he had
me on 20mgs twice a day.. He also HAD me on the Morphine 30mgs 4 times
a day but has now changed it to only taking 2 30mgs a day.. I knew he
would change the amount of the morphine I take since he wants me off
them completely anyways..

He also prescribed me Lidoderm patches..

Anyways, I leave to my pharmacy to get the patches and the meds.. Well
I turn them in and about 15 minutes later, the pharmacy man is calling
my name over the loud speaker.

I get there to the counter.. Andrea he said with a SAD face.. We don't
have the 30mg of Kadian.. OMG I was in shock but not surprised. I asked
him to call anyone near by to see if they had it.. The first call he
made to the other pharmacy had it which was great since it.. All I had
to do was drive two blocks.. So I go sit back down waiting on the other
prescriptions to be done.. All of a sudden I hear my name again over
the loud speaker.. Andrea please come to the pharmacy.. By this time I
was LIVID.. The pharmacy man looks at me and says, I am so sorry Andrea
but we have everything ready for you but we can't give the morphine.. I
said why? He handed me the perscription.. The STUPID doctor didn't SIGN
IT.. OMG I was mad as hell since I was in so much pain I wanted to

So I had to drive BACK to the stupid doctors office, wait till he was
done with this patient and then drive back to the pharmacy to get the
Morphine.. I was not happy at all..

Anyways, after I got the perscription signed I went back to the
pharmacy and picked up the Lidoderm and the Morphine.. Then I drove to
the other pharmacy to pick up the Kadian..

By this time I was in so much pain I was crying.. While I was at the
2nd pharmacy I needed to get something to drink so that I could take
one of each of the pain meds.. I was in to much pain.. I knew if I made
my way to the back of the store I was not gonna make it back.. The
clerk saw that I was in pain and offered to go get the drink I wanted..
I took her up on her offer and couldn't thank her enough...

As soon as I got in the car, I took both and drove straight home.. It's
been two hours now since I took the Kadian and the Morphine and my pain
is still past a 10 level wise.. I will give it a week and if it don't
work, my ass is back to the doctors office.. I can't take another month
in this much pain..

Oh yeah.. I forgot to mention that the doctor still wants me to have
that CT Mylagram done.. I agreed to have it done as long as another
doctor does it.. He agreed.. For some reason, they can't get the
records from Las Vegas from the last CT done in 2003.. They need that
to find a opening to put the needle in.. After 14 trys last month, he
knew not to let that other doctor touch me again..

The ONLY reason why I have agreed to have the CT Mylagram done is
because I WANT TO KNOW WHY I am in so much pain.. Living like this is
BS!!!! No one should have to like like this in so much pain..

Hugs, Andrea