Re: Update on my Aunt

I would not want my loved ones there, to see me like that. I would want
everything possible done to alleviate my pain. And I would want to be
allowed to GO!

To those who feel the need to do something: I would say please help
those in mourning and the hospice workers actually caring for me
physically in those last days. I would say please do not come to see
me. I'd want pictures around me, placed where I could see them simply
by opening my eyes, of my family and friends and of me with them in
earlier days.

Also, noise-cancelling ear phones on my head some of the time so I
could hear gentle music, the meditation type used in yoga classes, etc.

My aunt passed at 95 after a battle of many years. When I last saw her,
it agitated her when we walked in the room. She appeared to be
screaming, silently. I started thinking about this very topic then.

OldGoat wrote:
Dear Sue,

I did not know about your Aunt and you have all my sympathy. It is
unfortunate that most times death means giving up so much more than just
life. Much of it is so very confusing and we sometimes lose sight of where
the pain is the worst, and for who, the patient or the loved ones waiting
and having to be lucid to the end.
It hurts because we know it can be so much more dignified and humane. We
feel like bad people because we don't want to be there. We feel
uncomfortable for them and it hurts us, because we remember someone much
different than who is in the bed with all the tubes and fluids and smells.
It hurts because it feels selfish. It's a trip we all take, down that hall
to the room, a trip we all hate and dread. We don't want to miss a second
and each one is unbearable, each one we are powerless.
I don't know your Aunt, but I'd bet she'd probably be the first one to tell
you it's ok not only to feel like not being there, but to not be there
period, to do something enjoyable and if you feel obligated to think of her,
go look at photo albums, pull out the videos or the 8mm's and projector.
Remember her there, not with all the tubes and machines.
Hang in there, Sue. We all know it's bull*** to say it'll get better, but
you will get used to it. And it's not selfish to take care of yourself, it's
essential. If I can do anything you know where I'm at.

Be well and take care--og

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