Re: SO Reactions

On Wed, 07 Sep 2005 14:33:56 GMT, NO@xxxxxxxxxxxxx (m.L) wrote:

>"redneck_kiwi" <kf4pfw@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>
>>HELP! I am getting scared she is going to leave me and I dont want that
>>to happen.....is this "normal" for newbies to the chronic pain arena?
>
>I think it may be common. Try not to act (or feel) desperate about it, but be
>honest with her about your feelings, that's all you can do.
>
>I've been married 3 1/2 years, and my arthritis kicked in about a year ago.
>I had other pain problems (IBS) before that and my husband has been very
>tolerant. Now for the last year i've been unable to work and although he
>makes a decent living, i know he would prefer i be contributing. I do what i
>can. He doesn't complain, but *i* get this feeling from time to time of
>frustration and i start worrying that he will resent me. He's shown no signs
>of it, but i still worry about it.
>
>I make a conscious effort to be as normal as i possibly can, and try to keep
>any outbursts of crying away from him, although he knows about it anyway.
>As a natural male reaction (sorry to generalize, but it's true in our case) he
>seems frustrated to be unable to "fix it" for me, where i don't expect him to,
>just love me. I don't want our relationship to be controlled by my pain, and
>i'm working hard not to let that happen.
>
While it may be a generalization or even a stereotype, males very
often do see themselves as Mr. Fix-it. Extreme frustration including
anger can arise from them being unable to fix/repair something. In
our relationships it is one of the ways that we show our love.
Therefore in a way when he is trying to "fix" things he is in fact
showing his love for you. Men do not like feeling impotent in
situations like these. Might be a DNA programmed thing or something.
--
Zombywoof

Si vis Pacem, Para bellum
.

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