Re: OTP - Update from Adelle (very long)

On Jul 29, 12:56 pm, DKGBee...@xxxxxxxxx (Donna G.) wrote:
{{{{{{{{{{{{ Adelle & family }}}}}}}}}}}}

Adelle, I don't have any magic words of wisdom, wish I did. Wish I
could make this all so much easier on all of you.

I will share with you this, I just recently had a friend who went
through a very very similar situation as you are journying through. My
friends father, like your mother, first agreed to going to a hospice
residence and then changed mind and was determined to go to a nursing
facility to get stronger and to get "better" as he would put it. A
great deal of fear and denial going on there, but the family gave in to
his wishes of letting him go to the nursing facility. It ended up being
so much more difficult on all of them, but especially on my friends
father, as nursing facilities are just not set up to provide the comfort
and pain control that hospice can offer. Denail can be a wonderful
thing for many things, and I suspect that your mom is going through a
bit of denial and that is why she has changed her mind about going to a
hospice facility. That coupled with fear. As we all know, those
emotions can be quite powferful emotions.

I would still go with the hospice facility. They will be able to be so
much more helpful, keep your mom so much more comfortable, and your mom
can still get visits, be comfortable, have sitters come in if your
sister can't be there at times or if your sister just plain needs an
hour or two break at times, etc.

I think the others are right, lean hard on your husband right now, and
let your sister have that break. That break will go by awfully fast
and she deserves to have that time fully to herself to rejuvenate and
prepare for the yet difficult times ahead. I know that puts a bit extra
added stress on you, but it will not go on for ever.

As for you, do you have extra pred or whatever to get you through all of
this stress? Hate to think of you flaring up because of all the stress
taking its toll. Somehow you have to be able to take care of yourself
as well through this situation.

It truly does hurt to watch you have to go through all of this and for
us not to be able to help in some tangible way.

Know though, that tons and tons of prayers and soothing wishes will be
lifted for all of you!!!

May you, your mom, your sister, and your families all find a sense of
calm, peaceful serenity in the midst of all of this!!!

Blessings,

Donna

Thanks for all the good thoughts. I'm actually a little more at peace
at the moment for a few reasons:

1 - had a talk with my Mom about what she really wanted. She has
decided for pain controll and no longer wants to get treatment if she
gets sick. With that I know we are not railroading her into this
decision. She was alert and clear that she sees no point in treating
and getting 'better' over and over just waiting for the pain to be
over.

2 - I liked both hospices I saw today. One is brand new. Clean,
bright, with pleasant staff. All private rooms The other was older,
crowded (all shared rooms), shabby, no central A/C with the warmest
staff - every single person I heard speaking to residents and family
were cheery, positive and even effusive. You could really tell how
attached everyone was to the residents. And Cheryl actually has had
experience here. A friend of hers lived here until he passed. She
agrees, the staff is great. She said the staff was magnificant when
helping her friend.

The new one doesn't have any openings right now (mom is 5th on the
list). But they are only waiting for equipment, and then can open 4
more rooms, putting mom at the top of the list.

3 - Cheryl called. She's not quite ready for the road to end. But she
did pass on the info that mom's insurance will only pay for rehab, not
residential care. What I didn't know was that mom has a retirement
account. Enough for almost one year at a decent care facility (only
about six months at the nursing home we like). And while moving her
twice is not a great idea, theoretically We could even bring her home
with 16 or 24 hour a day private duty care and home hospice until a
hospice room opened up. Transport would have to carry her upstairs to
her bedroom and she'd stay there until she was leaving the house for
good. Or, we try to rent equipment quickly and put her in the Living
Room. Then she could direct the packing of what she'd take with her.

Mom surprised me today. She's more alert, is moving in bed a bit more.
And the nurse said she was a little steadier standing up to use the
commode. She's also eating better. Today, four months looks more
likely. Yesterday it was a week. I know she's going to have good days
and bad days from now on. I wasn't quite prepared for just how
different the days could be.

Oh Gwen - loving deceptions wouldn't work in this case. All my mom
wants is a phone call. And she knows my sister is at a conference in
Tampa (and taking three days vacation once the conference is over).
When Cheryl called, I did let her know mom was missing her 'primary
caretaker,' so she said she'd call tonight.

I just stopped home to drop off books that mom finished and to get new
ones. Thank you, everyone, for your good thoughts and kind words. They
really helped me feel less alone. It's a hard thing to do in a city
where you don't know anyone. But today is going better than I thought
it would. Guess that's one of my blessings for the day. The other is
theat thankfully (shhhhh don't jinx it) I'm not flaring. I feel better
than I do at home. It's been humid and rainy here in Denver, so it's
not the lack of humidity or stable air pressure. Wonder if it's the
altitude. My sister says her knee becomes almost unbearable when she's
back near sea level.

Love you all! Adelle


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