Re: new job and serious moral dilemma. (a bit of a vent)
- From: "Adelle" <adNOstavis@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sat, 19 May 2007 21:32:37 -0400
Dear Lyn,
Congrats on your new job and the good things happening in your life. And as
for the bad - sending strength.
I'm going to suggest something for your own protection and survival. It is a
selfish thing and if its not the way you want to go, that's just fine. It's
a way to protect your health, physical and mental. Its what we used to tell
families when I volunteered with an agency which provided legal and mental
health services to indigent population in Cambridge, MA.
OK - I'm putting on my atty hat - Here goes. This is going to sound really
cold, especially given everything Melinda's family is going through. But her
evil SIL's tactic would work here.
It may be time to "be cruel to be kind." Call his shrink (name should be on
the RX bottle), or the nearest hospital and tell them about the 'frightening
content' of his note on the envelope; that you think he isn't taking his
meds correctly because he is sleeping and acting erratically and is also
drinking; that you feel in danger because he can't remember writing these
notes and he may act and not be able to control his action or remember
anything about it. It is all true. You won't be making anything up. You'll
be taking an extreme tactic. But you need to put a priority on your health
and safety.
They may advise calling the police. Do it. How he reacts will determine
whether they arrest and get him committed involuntarily for an evaluation.
It won't endear yourself to your sister at all. It may exacerbate your
nephew's symptoms initially. But getting him in-patient may be just what he
needs to get his meds balanced. Right now, he is overstressed by trying to
live a 'normal' life and the need to find housing. If he is inpatient, he
will not have that stress (at least for a few days) and the hospital social
worker can help in that dept. He may also become a priority for handicapped
subsidized housing.
He is not managing his medical/psychiatric condition and it is affecting
*your* health and safety.
And if the ER just releases him, do not let him back in. Get him a cheap
motel room for the night and tell your sister he is her child and her
responsibility. You are done being taken advantage of. You now know the
reason no one else in the family will allow him to live in their homes.
It may be sad that he will wind up 'homeless.' The safety net just isn't
there when it should be. But by being homeless, he is a higher priority for
services. Living with you, he's not in an emergency situation so goes to the
bottom of the list. So forcing him out is another cruel to be kind thing.
Live and learn. Get him out and change your locks.
Sending love, Adelle
"Lyn@xxxxxxx" <filethirteen@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:375t431ips6lh38eqji3vvl42au9cm3iag@xxxxxxxxxx
Hi all. Well, I held out to the last minute and finally got a job
that will forever change my resume. As of May 14 I am a supervisor
with a taxi company here in Calgary. I now have over 600 people under
my direct supervision. Quite a change from only having to manage a
handfuls. I've made a much larger salary, but I did get a company
vehicle and fuel card which is worth it's weight in gold. Full
benefits after 3 months etc. etc.
My dilemma is this. How much is enough. I'm a very soft hearted
(lately I'm thinking soft headed as well), compassionate person and
really want to do all I can when someone needs help. For the last 7
weeks I've allowed my nephew (whom I hardly know...any one that knows
me here, knows that I found my birth family a few years ago), to live
here in my tiny basement apartment. I'm the type of person who really
needs a certain amount of space. He is schizophrenic and has a few
oddities in his behaviors. I freely confess that despite researching
the condition, I STILL don't understand him and I can't relate to him
in any meaningful way.
This has been driving me absolutely nuts and it's only getting worse.
He and his mother (my sister) were supposed to have found a place to
live by the end of last month. That didn't happen. Then it was going
to be the fifteenth of this month. Security deposit was paid and the
place was supposed to be theirs. The fifteenth comes and goes and
he's still freakin' here. Last night my neighbor upstairs calls me
and wants to show me some weird things she found by the back door.
He's been writing stuff on envelopes that I had laying on the
desk...apparently he couldn't see the note pad laying fairly close by,
but whatever...maybe he like writing on envelopes. None of what was
written made any sense to me, but the line that was the problem was
"don't hurt her". Naturally this freaked her out just a bit seeing as
she's a single mom. I was just relieved she called me and not the
police. I confronted him with the envelopes and he denied any
knowledge of them. I'm not stupid, but decided that the course of
prudence lay in letting the matter drop after suggesting very very
pointedly that while I think writing your feelings out on paper can be
very therapeutic, it's best to keep them private rather than laying
around the door step for anyone to see. I then phoned my sister, yet
again and asked her if it was possible for him to do something and
have no memory of it later. She said yes it is, and commented that
the stress must be causing him some problems. I agreed that this
situation is definitely stressful and he's not the only one having
problems with it.
I then told her very directly to get him the hell out of here.
Tonight I told him that I simply couldn't take this anymore and that
he was to find a room that he could move into immediately. Now he's
all worried that he's going to be out on the street. I assured him
that I wasn't going to do that, but that the end of the month is
precisely 12 days too many. He's got it in his mind that you can only
move into a place on the first or the fifteenth of the month and I
tried to explain to him that although it might be the nineteenth, he
could still pay half a months rent and move in. I haven't had a good
night's sleep in over 7 weeks...mostly because I only have one
bathroom and it's an en suite. I defy anyone to sleep well when
someone goes trooping through your bedroom at 4:00 a.m. to pee. Turns
on the light...doesn't fully close the bathroom door..etc.etc. I feel
like I'm losing my mind and my poor cat is definitely showing signs of
neurosis.
This is interfering with my sleep, my peace of mind, my social life
(can't invite anyone over when someone is sleeping on the living room
floor...even though there IS a second bedroom...with a bed). He
sleeps more than my cat. The longest stretch occurred after
he went and got beer and sat watching tv and drinking till six in the
morning. He didn't wake up more than to use the washroom (really bad
aim), for 37 hours. Think maybe alcohol and whatever medication he is
on for his schizophrenia might have a bit of an interaction??
I felt I was doing the right thing by agreeing to let him stay here
for a month while they found a place of their own...but when is
enough, enough. In all honesty I'm beginning to feel very used and
abused, and I don't know what to do. I DO know what I'll never do
again....
Before anyone asks...no, there is no one else in the family that will
allow him into their home. They've all been there and done that
already. His mother is staying with her other son, but my nephew
isn't allowed in their house. I feel very sorry for him, his
condition isn't his fault, or choice, but I'm afraid that after
this...he can add my name to the list of people NOT to ask. Does that
make me a terrible person?
Thanks for letting me vent.
-- Lyn (filethirteen@xxxxxxx)
remember..."ASA" in subject line
http://members.shaw.ca/Lynuplate/
.
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- new job and serious moral dilemma. (a bit of a vent)
- From: Lyn@xxxxxxx
- new job and serious moral dilemma. (a bit of a vent)
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