Re: update--well, the news gets worse and better


"Diane" <dcham@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1128056798.828192.64210@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> oh, i'm so glad you're getting to use your hand surgeon. he sounds
> fabulous. the damage, tho, sounds simply overwhelming. and YOU sound as
> upbeat as you possibly can and positive. you're somethin' else.
>
> thoughts are with you,
>
> diane

you surmised astutely, thank you. it really is overwhelming, diane. i
don't think i was as upbeat at the first ortho's. as unfortunately, my
emotions got the best of me there. he was a very kind and gentle man for a
doctor, though there was an enormous amount of information he needed to
convey about exactly what he saw that resulted from my fall and what lies
ahead of me surgically to try to repair it all and all the inherent risks of
those procedures (which somehow i heard, but my mind vaporized. these are
not really dismissed or denied, but i don't want to be paralyzed by them,
into inaction.). no way could i mentally process it all, in that moment,
while also pushing back pain, so my overwhelm took the form of silent but
unwanted, by me, tears (i would have preferred to save my tears for a more
private moment).

i did absorb as much as i could, to process later. but i was also
embarrassed and apologetic for having made him feel uncomfortable, by my not
being able to stay in my head. but that unexpected emotional release,
there, helped me stay upbeat and where i needed to be at my hand surgeon's
office, where additional challenging news to process came to me.

i've been trying to process as much of the overwhelming information as i
absorbed yesterday, here. but i also need to process that i couldn't
process, if that makes any sense. the whole of it, i think i mean.

it is even difficult for me to process here, because my pain levels are even
breaking through the double dose of percocet/oxycodone. it was a blessing
that i could and did sleep 3 hours this nigth, about an hour after the pain
relief kicked in. took two more, an hour ago and have been doing my arm
dance since, while reading and writing here. typing with one hand is
helping me focus on something else beside/alongside this discomfort,.

truth is, as rose indicated, i did a major and horrendous job when i landed
on this hand. and not all of it is fixable, which, for me, is the stark
reality of this experience. but, like you, i'm glad i have my hand surgeon
along for this journey. he's a very interesting mixture of
grandfatherliness (kinda looks and sounds a bit like the actor richard
farnsworth), realist, almost poetic awareness about his work and his
patients (i think because he totally loves what he does and loves giving
people back as much of their hands as he can) and seeing aa well as being
interested in his whole patient.

i need to go rest now.

kate
>


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