Re: Suggest newsgroup name change
- From: "Tom S." <t.m.s.work@xxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 18 Jan 2008 12:49:53 -0700
"Tim J." <NOkpos3wtSPAM@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:g_GdnSxHosenNQ3anZ2dnUVZ_j2dnZ2d@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well done, Will, and you answered *just enough* of the probe into your
personal life. Although the usual answer here is, "No. I have no money for
cigars. My dog just died. My wife left me. Children hate me. Send help."
Yes, ASC is similar to a country/western song. ;-)
No...more "Blues", to wit:
"How to Sing The Blues"
==============================================
Anyone can be a BLUUZMAN with this handy starter kit... add one gravely
voice and
a couple shots of Jack Daniels straight up...and follow these simple
instructions.
OPENING LINE-
-------------------
Good: "Got me a woman..."
Better: "Woke up this mornin'..."
Bad: "Sunshine...on my shoulder..."
GEOGRAPHIC LOCATION-
---------------------
Good: Chicago
Better: St. Louis or Kansas City
Bad: Martha's Vineyard
BUILDING-
----------
Good: Cheap hotel
Better: Shotgun shack
Bad: Symphony Hall
MISFORTUNE-
-----------
Good: "...down n' out"
Better: "...old lady done me wrong"
Bad: "...HMO don't cover hair plugs"
WOMAN'S NAME-
-------------
Good: Sadie
Better: Bessie
Bad: Sierra
CAR-
--------------
Good: Chevy
Better: Cadillac
Bad: Daihatsu
OTHER TRANSPORTATION-
---------------------
Good: Greyhound bus
Better: southbound train
Bad: Vanpool
ACTIVITY-
----------------------
Good: "Jus' walkin'"
Better: "Fixin' to Die"
Bad: "Readin' the Wall Street Journal"
FOOD-
------
Good: Biscuits n' gravy
Better: Ribs
Bad: PowerBar
DRINK-
-------
Good: Sloe gin
Better: Straight whiskey
Bad: Frappucino
CRIME YOU'RE GUILTY OF-
------------------------
Good: Fightin' in the strrets again
Better: Shooting a man in Memphis
Bad: Greenpeace demonstration gone wrong
KIND OF BLUES YOU GOT:
--------------------------
Good: Woman-done-leff-agin
Better: two-ain't-too-many-women-for-me
Bad: Levis 501
FINANCIAL STATUS:
-----------------
Good: Broke
Better: Flat Broke
Bad: DINK (Double Income, No Kids)
Where you spent your last five dollars:
---------------------------------------
Good: Two packs of cigarettes, and a cup of joe
Better: On a two-dollar woman
Bad: Amortized 401k
What kind of woman you got:
---------------------------
Good: long-legged
Better: cold-hearted
Bad: hairy-chested
Kind of man I am:
---------------------------
Good: Hard-headed
Better: hard-drinkin'
Bad: Vaguely effemminate
How she done me wrong:
----------------------------
Good: left me 'lone
Better: took the money and run
Bad: quit weight watchers
What I might as well do:
----------------------------
Good: roll over and die
Better: keep playing these blues 'till I die
Bad: try to resuscitate that man in Memphis, 'fore he dies
CAUSE OF DEATH-
-----------------------------
Good: Stabbed in the back by jealous lover
Better: Electric chair after shooting a man in Memphis
Bad: Silicon breast implant rupture
.
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