Marriage In Islam
- From: "Islam is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" <ana_faris_bila_jawad@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 17 Sep 2007 18:51:51 -0700
Marriage In Islam
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and
He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are
signs for those who reflect" (Quran 30:21).
"O Humans revere your Guardian Lord, Who created you from a single
person created of like nature its mate, and from this scattered (like
seeds) countless men and women. Reverence Allah through Whom you claim
your
mutual rights" (Quran 4:1).
The above verses of the Quran lay out the framework as to what are the
basis, the objectives and the goal of marriage in Islam. In the
ultimate Wisdom of Allah we are first told that both partners man and
woman are
created from the same source. That this should be paid attention to as
it is one of His signs.
The fact that we come from the same soul signifies our equality as
humans, when the essence of our creation is the same, the argument of
who is better or greater is redundant. To stress on this fact and then
to talk
about marriage in the same verse is of great significance for those of
us who are in the field of marriage counseling.
The shift in this attitude of equality of genders as human beings
cause a imbalance in marital relationship that leads to dysfunctional
marriage. When ever one party considers themselves superior or above
the
law there is a shift in the balance of power that may lead to misuse
or abuse of power as the less valuable partner is seen as an easy
prey. Many marital difficulties are based on or caused by control and
rule stratagem.
By stressing on the equality of all humans men or women and making it
the basis of marriage, Allah in His infinite wisdom has laid the
ground rules for
establishing peace, as well as the assigning of different roles to
husband and wife as functional strategy rather than a question of
competence as
humans.
Prophet Mohammad (peace and blessings be upon him) has stated that:
"men and women are twin halves of each other" (Bukhari). This Hadith
also brings home the fact that men and women are created from single
source. Furthermore, by using the analogy of twin half the Prophet has
underlined the reciprocal nature and the interdependent nature of men
and women's relationship.
The objective and the goal of marriage in Islam according to the above
Quranic verse is to enable us to dwell in peace and tranquility. It is
important for us to reflect on these words and their significance in
the Islamic frame of reference.
In order to have peace certain condition must be met.
These prerequisites to peace are Justice, Fairness, Equity, Equality,
and fulfillment of mutual rights.
Therefore any injustice whether it is oppression, or persecution,
cannot be tolerated if there is to be peace in Muslim homes.
In the domestic realm oppression is manifested when the process of
Shura (consultation) is compromised, neglected or ignored. When one
partner (in most cases the husband) makes unilateral decisions and
applies
dictatorial style of leadership, peace is compromised. Persecution is
present when there is any form of domestic abuse being perpetrated.
Tranquility on the other hand is a state of being which is achieved
when peace has been established.
Tranquility is compromised when there is tension, stress and anger. It
is a mistake to take tranquility to mean perpetual state of bliss.
Since being Muslims does not make us immune to tragedies and
catastrophes.
In fact Allah tells us in the Quran that we will betried (2:155,57).
What a state of tranquility does is to empower us to handle life's
difficult moments with our spouses as obedient servants of Allah.
Allah in His infinite Mercy also provides us with the tools by which
we can achieve this state of peace and tranquility.
The second principle besides Shura on which the Islamic family life is
based is Mercy (Rehma), and in this verse Allah is telling us that He
has placed
mercy between spouses. We are therefore inclined by our very nature to
have mercy for our spouses. Mercy is manifested through compassion,
forgiveness, caring and humility.
It is obvious that these are all ingredients that make for a
successful partnership. Marriage in Islam is above all a partnership
based on equality of partners and specification of roles. Lack of
mercy in a marriage or a family renders it in Islamic terms
dysfunctional.
Allah further states that He has also placed in addition to mercy,
love between spouses. It should however be noted that Islamic concept
of love is different from the more commonly understood romantic love
so valued in the Western cultures.
The basic difference is that love between man and woman in the Islamic
context can only be realized and expressed in a legal marriage. In
order to develop a healthy avenue for the expression of love between
man and woman and to provide security so that such a loving
relationship can flourish, it is necessary to give it the protection
of Shariah (Islamic law).
Marital love in Islam inculcates the following:
Faith: The love Muslim spouses have for each other is for the sake of
Allah that is to gain His pleasure. It is from Allah that we claim our
mutual rights (Quran 4:1) and it is to Allah that we are accountable
for our behavior as husbands and wives.
It sustains: Love is not to consume but to sustain. Allah expresses
His love for us by providing sustenance. To love in Islam is to
sustain our loved
one physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually, to the
best of our ability (to sustain materially is the husbands duty,
however if the wife
wishes she can also contribute)
Accepts: To love someone is to accept them for who they are. It is
selfishness to try and mould someone as we wish them to be. True love
does not attempt to crush individuality or control personal
differences,
but is magnanimous and secure to accommodate differences.
Challenges: Love challenges us to be all we can, it encourages us to
tap into our talents and takes pride in our achievements. To enable
our loved one to realize their potential is the most rewarding
experience.
Merciful: Mercy compels us to love and love compels us to have mercy.
In the Islamic context the two are synonymous. The attribute Allah
chose to be the supreme for Himself is that He is the most Merciful.
This attribute of Rehman (the Merciful) is mentioned 170 times in the
Quran, bringing home the significance for believers to be merciful.
Mercy in practical application means to have and show compassion and
to
be charitable.
Forgiving: Love is never too proud to seek forgiveness or too stingy
to forgive. It is willing to let go of hurt and letdowns. Forgiveness
allows us the opportunity to improve and correct our selves.
Respect: To love is to respect and value the person their
contributions and their opinions. Respect does not allow us to take
for granted our loved ones or to ignore their input. How we interact
with our spouses reflects whether we respect them or not.
Confidentiality: Trust is the most essential ingredient of love. When
trust is betrayed and confidentiality compromised, love loses its
soul.
Caring: Love fosters a deep fondness that dictates caring and sharing
in all that we do. The needs of our loved ones take precedence over
our own.
Kindness: The Seerah (biography) of our beloved Prophet is rich with
examples of acts of kindness, he showed towards his family and
particularly his wives. Even when his patience was tried, he was never
unkind in word or deed. To love is to be kind.
Grows: Marital love is not static it grows and flourishes with each
day of marital life. It requires work and commitment, and is nourished
through faith when we are thankful and appreciative of Allah
blessings.
Enhances: Love enhances our image and beautifies our world. It
provides emotional security and physical well being.
Selflessness: Love gives unconditionally and protects dutifully.
Truthful: Love is honesty without cruelty and loyalty without
compromise.
Author : Shahina Siddiqui
Source : Soundvision
http://tinyurl.com/3cg22r
.
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