Women in Islam XI (REPOST)
- From: "jamiil" <jalqadir@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sun, 25 Mar 2007 01:50:50 +0000
[ Message was illegally cancelled by 218.26.80.234 via news.cn99.com on Sun, 25 Mar 2007 01:07:12 +0000 (UTC) --> see headers ]
The three religions have remarkable differences in their attitudes
towards divorce. Christianity abhors divorce altogether. The New
Testament unequivocally advocates the indisolubility of marriage. It
is attributed to Jesus to have said, "But I tell you that anyone who
divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to
become adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits
adultery" (Matthew 5:32). This uncompromising ideal is, without a
doubt, unrealistic. It assumes a state of moral perfection that human
societies have never achieved. When a couple realizes that their
married life is beyond repair, a ban on divorce will not do them any
good. Forcing ill-mated couples to remain together against their wills
is neither effective nor reasonable. No wonder the whole Christian
world has been obliged to sanction divorce.
Judaism, on the other hand, allows divorce even without any cause. The
Old Testament gives the husband the right to divorce his wife even if
he just dislikes her:
"If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he
finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of
divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after
she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her
second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce,
gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her
first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again
after she has been defiled" (Deut. 24:1-4).
The above verses have caused some considerable debate among Jewish
scholars because of their disagreement over the interpretation of the
words "displeasing", "indecency", and "dislikes" mentioned in the
verses. The Talmud records their different opinions:
"The school of Shammai held that a man should not divorce his wife
unless he has found her guilty of some sexual misconduct, while the
school of Hillel say he may divorce her even if she has merely spoiled
a dish for him. Rabbi Akiba says he may divorce her even if he simply
finds another woman more beautiful than she" (Gittin 90a-b).
The New Testament follows the Shammaites opinion while Jewish law has
followed the opinion of the Hillelites and R. Akiba. Since the
Hillelites view prevailed, it became the unbroken tradition of Jewish
law to give the husband freedom to divorce his wife without any cause
at all. The Old Testament not only gives the husband the right to
divorce his "displeasing" wife, it considers divorcing a "bad wife" an
obligation:
"A bad wife brings humiliation, downcast looks, and a wounded heart.
Slack of hand and weak of knee is the man whose wife fails to make him
happy. Woman is the origin of sin, and it is through her that we all
die. Do not leave a leaky cistern to drip or allow a bad wife to say
what she likes. If she does not accept your control, divorce her and
send her away" (Ecclesiasticus 25:25).
The Talmud has recorded several specific actions by wives which
obliged their husbands to divorce them: "If she ate in the street, if
she drank greedily in the street, if she suckled in the street, in
every case Rabbi Meir says that she must leave her husband" (Git.
89a). The Talmud has also made it mandatory to divorce a barren wife
(who bore no children in a period of ten years): "Our Rabbis taught:
If a man took a wife and lived with her for ten years and she bore no
child, he shall divorce her" (Yeb. 64a).
Wives, on the other hand, cannot initiate divorce under Jewish law. A
Jewish wife, however, could claim the right to a divorce before a
Jewish court provided that a strong reason exists. Very few grounds
are provided for the wife to make a claim for a divorce. These grounds
include: A husband with physical defects or skin disease, a husband
not fulfilling his conjugal responsibilities, etc. The Court might
support the wife's claim to a divorce but it cannot dissolve the
marriage. Only the husband can dissolve the marriage by giving his
wife a bill of divorce. The Court could scourge, fine, imprison, and
excommunicate him to force him to deliver the necessary bill of
divorce to his wife. However, if the husband is stubborn enough, he
can refuse to grant his wife a divorce and keep her tied to him
indefinitely. Worse still, he can desert her without granting her a
divorce and leave her unmarried and undivorced. He can marry another
woman or even live with any single woman out of wedlock and have
children from her (these children are considered legitimate under
Jewish law). The deserted wife, on the other hand, cannot marry any
other man since she is still legally married and she cannot live with
any other man because she will be considered an adulteress and her
children from this union will be illegitimate for ten generations. A
woman in such a position is called an agunah (chained woman). In the
United States today there are approximately 1000 to 1500 Jewish women
who are agunot (plural for agunah), while in Israel their number might
be as high as 16000. Husbands may extort thousands of dollars from
their trapped wives in exchange for a Jewish divorce.
Islam occupies the middle ground between Christianity and Judaism with
respect to divorce. Marriage in Islam is a sanctified bond that should
not be broken except for compelling reasons. Couples are instructed to
pursue all possible remedies whenever their marriages are in danger.
Divorce is not to be resorted to except when there is no other way
out. In a nutshell, Islam recognizes divorce, yet it discourages it by
all means. Let us focus on the recognition side first. Islam does
recognize the right of both partners to end their matrimonial
relationship. Islam gives the husband the right for Talaq (divorce).
Moreover, Islam, unlike Judaism, grants the wife the right to dissolve
the marriage through what is known as Khula'. If the husband
dissolves the marriage by divorcing his wife, he cannot retrieve any
of the marriage gifts he has given her. The Quran explicitly prohibits
the divorcing husbands from taking back their marriage gifts no matter
how expensive or valuable these gifts might be:
"But if you decide to take one wife in place of another, even if you
had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, take not the least
bit of it back; Would you take it by slander and a manifest
wrong?" (4:20).
In the case of the wife choosing to end the marriage, she may return
the marriage gifts to her husband. Returning the marriage gifts in
this case is a fair compensation for the husband who is keen to keep
his wife while she chooses to leave him. The Quran has instructed
Muslim men not to take back any of the gifts they have given to their
wives except in the case of the wife choosing to dissolve the
marriage:
"It is not lawful for you (Men) to take back any of your gifts except
when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits
ordained by Allah. There is no blame on either of them if she give
something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah so
do not transgress them" (2:229).
Also, a woman came to the Prophet Muhammad seeking the dissolution of
her marriage, she told the Prophet that she did not have any
complaints against her husband's character or manners. Her only
problem was that she honestly did not like him to the extent of not
being able to live with him any longer. The Prophet asked her: "Would
you give him his garden (the marriage gift he had given her) back?"
she said: "Yes". The Prophet then instructed the man to take back his
garden and accept the dissolution of the marriage (Bukhari).
In some cases, A Muslim wife might be willing to keep her marriage but
find herself obliged to claim for a divorce because of some compelling
reasons such as: Cruelty of the husband, desertion without a reason, a
husband not fulfilling his conjugal responsibilities, etc. In these
cases the Muslim court dissolves the marriage.
In short, Islam has offered the Muslim woman some unequalled rights:
she can end the marriage through Khula' and she can sue for a divorce.
A Muslim wife can never become chained by a recalcitrant husband. It
was these rights that enticed Jewish women who lived in the early
Islamic societies of the seventh century C.E. to seek to obtain bills
of divorce from their Jewish husbands in Muslim courts. The Rabbis
declared these bills null and void. In order to end this practice, the
Rabbis gave new rights and privileges to Jewish women in an attempt to
weaken the appeal of the Muslim courts. Jewish women living in
Christian countries were not offered any similar privileges since the
Roman law of divorce practiced there was no more attractive than the
Jewish law.
Let us now focus our attention on how Islam discourages divorce. The
Prophet of Islam told the believers that:
"among all the permitted acts, divorce is the most hateful to
God" (Abu Dawood).
A Muslim man should not divorce his wife just because he dislikes her.
The Quran instructs Muslim men to be kind to their wives even in cases
of lukewarm emotions or feelings of dislike:
"Live with them (your wives) on a footing of kindness and equity. If
you dislike them it may be that you dislike something in which Allah
has placed a great deal of good" (4:19).
Prophet Muhammad gave a similar instruction:
" A believing man must not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one
of her traits he will be pleased with another" (Muslim).
The Prophet has also emphasized that the best Muslims are those who
are best to their wives:
"The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the
best character and the best of you are those who are best to their
wives" (Tirmidthi).
However, Islam is a practical religion and it does recognize that
there are circumstances in which a marriage becomes on the verge of
collapsing. In such cases, a mere advice of kindness or self restraint
is no viable solution. So, what to do in order to save a marriage in
these cases? The Quran offers some practical advice for the spouse
(husband or wife) whose partner (wife or husband) is the wrongdoer.
For the husband whose wife's ill-conduct is threatening the marriage,
the Quran gives four types of advice as detailed in the following
verses:
"As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct,
(1) Admonish them, (2) refuse to share their beds, (3) beat them; but
if they return to obedience seek not against them means of annoyance:
For Allah is Most High, Great. (4) If you fear a break between them,
appoint two arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers; If
they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation" (4:34-35).
The first three are to be tried first. If they fail, then the help of
the families concerned should be sought. It has to be noted, in the
light of the above verses, that beating the rebellious wife is a
temporary measure that is resorted to as third in line in cases of
extreme necessity in hopes that it might remedy the wrongdoing of the
wife. If it does, the husband is not allowed by any means to continue
any annoyance to the wife as explicitly mentioned in the verse. If it
does not, the husband is still not allowed to use this measure any
longer and the final avenue of the family-assisted reconciliation has
to be explored.
Prophet Muhammad has instructed Muslim husbands that they should not
have recourse to these measures except in extreme cases such as open
lewdness committed by the wife. Even in these cases the punishment
should be slight and if the wife desists, the husband is not permitted
to irritate her:
"In case they are guilty of open lewdness you may leave them alone in
their beds and inflict slight punishment. If they are obedient to you,
do not seek against them any means of annoyance" (Tirmidthi)
Furthermore, the Prophet of Islam has condemned any unjustifiable
beating. Some Muslim wives complained to him that their husbands had
beaten them. Hearing that, the Prophet categorically stated that:
"Those who do so (beat their wives) are not the best among you" (Abu
Dawood).
It has to be remembered at this point that the Prophet has also said:
"The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best
among you to my family" (Tirmidthi).
The Prophet advised one Muslim woman, whose name was Fatimah bint
Qais, not to marry a man because the man was known for beating women:
"I went to the Prophet and said: Abul Jahm and Mu'awiah have proposed
to marry me. The Prophet (by way of advice) said: As to Mu'awiah he is
very poor and Abul Jahm is accustomed to beating women" (Muslim).
It has to be noted that the Talmud sanctions wife beating as
chastisement for the purpose of discipline. 39 The husband is not
restricted to the extreme cases such as those of open lewdness. He is
allowed to beat his wife even if she just refuses to do her house
work. Moreover, he is not limited only to the use of light punishment.
He is permitted to break his wife's stubbornness by the lash or by
starving her.
For the wife whose husband's ill-conduct is the cause for the
marriage's near collapse, the Quran offers the following advice:
"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is
no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between
themselves; and such settlement is best" (4:128).
In this case, the wife is advised to seek reconciliation with her
husband (with or without family assistance). It is notable that the
Quran is not advising the wife to resort to the two measures of
abstention from sex and beating. The reason for this disparity might
be to protect the wife from a violent physical reaction by her already
misbehaving husband. Such a violent physical reaction will do both the
wife and the marriage more harm than good. Some Muslim scholars have
suggested that the court can apply these measures against the husband
on the wife's behalf. That is, the court first admonishes the
rebellious husband, then forbids him his wife's bed, and finally
executes a symbolic beating.
To sum up, Islam offers Muslim married couples much viable advice to
save their marriages in cases of trouble and tension. If one of the
partners is jeopardizing the matrimonial relationship, the other
partner is advised by the Quran to do whatever possible and effective
in order to save this sacred bond. If all the measures fail, Islam
allows the partners to separate peacefully and amicably.
.
- References:
- Women in Islam XI
- From: jamiil
- Women in Islam XI
- Prev by Date: Re: Words of Wisdom
- Next by Date: Women in Islam X (REPOST)
- Previous by thread: Women in Islam XI
- Next by thread: Women in Islam XI (REPOST)
- Index(es):
Relevant Pages
|
Loading
