CIA Chief Admits To Torture After Six-Hour Beating, Electrocution

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43704

CIA Chief Admits To Torture After Six-Hour Beating, Electrocution
December 21, 2005 | Issue 41.51

LANGLEY, VA-An internal CIA investigation into the possible use of
illegal and inhumane interrogation techniques produced a confession
from CIA director Porter Goss Monday, with the aid of waterboarding,
food and light deprivation, and the application of wire hangers hooked
to a car battery to the testicles. "I did it. We did it. We all did it. The
president knew. The president did it. Please, God, please stop," said
a voice identified as Goss' on recordings produced by CIA auditors.
"Stop, please stop. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. The president won't
do it again. Please let me die." Critics of the methods used to obtain
the information continue to claim that torture is an ineffective means
of obtaining intelligence, pointing out that Goss did not sound sorry.
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