Suggested new preamble to the Constitution

SUGGESTED NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION:

'We the sensible people of the United States, in an
attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance
of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote
positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free
liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time
to ordain and establish some common sense
guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden,
delusional. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a
whole lot of people are confused by the Bill
of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of
NON-Rights.'

ARTICLE I:

You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or
any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can
legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.


ARTICLE II:


You do not have the right to never be offended. This
country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for
everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the
channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is
full of dummies, and probably
always will be.


ARTICLE III:


You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you
stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful;
do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your
relatives independently wealthy.


ARTICLE IV:

You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and
will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing
weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another generation of
professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V:

You do not have the right to free health care. That
would be nice, but from the looks of public housing,
we're just not interested in public health care.


ARTICLE VI:


You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone,
don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you get
the blue juice
ARTICLE VII:

You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If
you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of
other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get
together and lock you away in a place where you still
won't have the right to a big screen
color TV or a life of leisure.


ARTICLE VIII:


You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you
to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times,
but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of
education and vocational training laid before you to make
yourself useful.


ARTICLE IX:

You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by
the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over
abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were
confused by the Bill
of Rights.

ARTICLE X:

This is an English speaking country. We don't care
where you came from, English is our language. Learn
it!



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