THE DEPTHS OF THE SURFACE

THE DEPTHS OF THE SURFACE
DOWN A QUART

By: Norman Liebmann

There is bad news and good news. The bad news is Bill Clinton plans to
take a more active part in his wife's presidential campaign. The good
news is he doesn't look well.

If Barack Obama wins the White House, his Presidency will be called
the "They Call Me Mister Tibbs" Administration. The Obama political
ascendancy shows that the Democrats are ready for a different flavor
of socialism.

Hillary's tears have converted her political campaign to a soap opera.
I guess that's the change she promised.

By not allowing the Navy to fire on attacking Iranian speedboats,
George Bush gave America another Fallujah - this time at sea.

The Clinton campaign is once again getting input from James Carville
and Paul Begala proving that in Democrat politics there's always room
to go backwards.

Hillary says she can't understand "why all these men are obsessed with
me" - this from someone who can hardly wait to see what she's going to
do next.

The Arkancurse: Part 3: The folks in Iowa voted for Mike Huckabee
because Willie Nelson wasn't running. If elected President, Mike
Huckabee will turn the White House into a general store - with yokels
spitting on a potbelly stove so they can watch their saliva sizzle. If
we end up with another President from Hope, Arkansas, we should send a
decontamination team there to confiscate everybody's DNA.

[Note: The worst thing that can be said about Mike Huckabee is that he
has been Governor of Arkansas for eight years, and Arkansas is still
Arkansas. Pastor Huckabee's ongoing text will be from the chapter on
Arkansas and Gomorrah. Incidentally, the media scraped the bottom of
the "catchy" barrel when they came up with the word "Huckaboom".]

Al Gore is in line for another high honor for his latest invention for
measuring global warming. It's called the Hoax-o-meter. He's also
working on a carbon footprint device that measures how much soot
accumulates between a coal miner's toes. By continually adding to this
list of "feel good" awards liberals pass around, they may have found a
substitute for masturbation.

Many American tourists are being turned away from the Taj Mahal
because of our currency devaluation. In reprisal American technology
companies may fire all the monkeys in India currently doing their
telephone computer support. (And incidentally, who knew the Taj Mahal
had a turnstile?)

One thing the television debates make clear: the Democrats have the
charisma and the Republicans have the grownups. The problem with the
television debates is one of too much everybody.

Ralph Nader has thrown his support to John Edwards. Presumably the
press ran out of space in the Undecided Column.

A Hillary win would mean America will endure four more years of
political gangrene.

The Clintons may find out that in the Southern primaries if you live
by the black vote, you can also die by the black vote. It took the
Obama candidacy for Bill Clinton to finally feel vindicated for
attacking Sistah Soljah.

The rumor is that Harvard will establish a John Kerry Chair at the
Kennedy School of Flip Flop.

Bill Clinton believes there's nothing worse than losing an election
except losing an erection. (At his age Bubba claims he does not lose
erections, he merely misplaces them.)

It seems logical when John McCain was moldering in the Hanoi Hilton,
he was thinking of ways to make sure Mexicans would get free medical
care in American hospitals, Caucasians would be kept from having their
taxes lowered, and figuring out a way to buddy up to Teddy Kennedy.
(Five years of water boarding in Guantanamo hasn't warped any Islamo-
terrorist's mind that much.)

I don't believe Hillary's tears. She's Captain Queeg in a pants suit.
Still, as President, she can always take advantage of the fact that
she's a woman - even if she's not a lady.

The Democrats believe the Second Amendment gives people the right to
keep and bear hair-trigger opinions.

Political speeches prove that repetition is the sincerest form of
repetition.

Fred Thompson got discouraged when he realized no one can get elected
President if he has a sense of humor.

Hillary's new health care plan will enable everyone to run next door
and borrow a cup of stem cells.

What will Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton's next strategy be when they
realize they can't play "the race card" against Barack Obama?

Someone should tell the Moslems if there was any truth that when they
go to Heaven they can make love to 72 virgins, how come Hoagy
Carmichael never wrote a song about it? If he did it would top
Stardust.

If the Democrats continue to control Congress, you can bet pay toilets
will be replaced by over-pay toilets.

Homosexuals describe the declaration of their sexuality as "coming
out". I guess that's why those guys act like debutantes. The most
obnoxious thing about homosexuals is their pretension to being an
"elite".

The Writers Guild of America has allowed the late night talk shows to
nibble away at its strike and may soon allow television to resume as
our prime source of who-gives-a-*** entertainment.

Ersatz Jew President Ehud Olmert giving away pieces of his country
should be forced to turn in his circumcision and give the mohel his
money back. (Incidentally, has anyone considered opening a night club
in Tel Aviv called The Koshercabana? Jackie Mason would be a big hit
there by ripping Olmert.)

Naomi Campbell's trip to Venezuela may be research for doing the
female lead in the upcoming Hollywood extravaganza: Hugo Chavez: The
Musical.





Healthcare(7)

Teaching(5)

Criminal Justice(3)

Education(2)


Forensics(5)

Nursing(3)



Governor Bill Richardson, election drop out, is an embarrassment to
New Mexico where Native Americans sit on the sidewalk selling bangles
made of semi precious stones while Richardson tries to think up semi-
precious ideas. There's a rumor Richardson may have cerebral surgery -
as soon as his doctors can locate "a drain boner".

In the interest of racial diversity, the inner cities will soon
include brown traffic lights. Red will mean Stop, Green will mean Go,
and Brown will mean Tawana Brawley is Back in Town.

To cash in on the fan worship of sports heroes, someone should open a
chain of fast food restaurants called McSteroids.

Why don't the Democrats realize that The Founding Fathers were
actually disgruntled taxpayers?

Every minority has been made contemptible by virtue of their easy
seduction by Bill Clinton. It is clear now the blacks know they've had
their pride stolen by the Clintons and now they want a champion to
steal it back.

The candidates cross America during the campaign - and double cross it
after the election.

The folks in New Hampshire voted to see if a roll of the dice with
Hillary would include another roll in the hay with Bill. It is an
enigma that Hillary is anxious to sit behind the same desk that Monica
Lewinsky kneeled under. When it comes to Hillary's pride we're talking
negative digits.

Mayor Mike Bloomfield, self-appointed Nanny of The Big Apple Day Care
Center, wants to be President. He's the ideal candidate if you don't
mind someone telling you to put out your cigarette, pumping you about
your medical history, insisting that the kindergartens distribute
condoms to your kids, passing the plate for political campaigns in
your house of worship, and performing same-sex marriages on your front
lawn, roll out that souvenir Abrams tank and head for Gracie Mansion.

John McCain has moved on from elderly to olderly. Now he and Walter
Cronkite can have "walker" races.

Irrespective of who is elected President, expect the next White House
dog to be a Mexican Chihuahua named "Amnesty".

The answer to the Open Borders invasion is declaring Open Season on
the invaders. It's reported the first baby of 2008 born in the U.S.
was illegal, illegitimate, and delivered in the back seat of a 1957
Chevy.

And this ...

Oh, Mrs. Clinton, Dr. Van Helsing will see you now.



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