POLITICS & OTHER WASTE MANAGEMENT

POLITICS & OTHER WASTE MANAGEMENT
IT'S ALWAYS PICKUP DAY IN WASHINGTON

By: Norman Liebmann

Billion dollar bitch, Leona Helmsley, has gone through Life's checkout
counter. It's said "You can't take it with you" but I suspect she
found a way to send it on ahead. If there was ever a difference
between a Helmsley and a Hillary, it would require precision work in
order to detect it.

The Michael Vick episode indicates convincingly, you can take the boy
out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the boy.

A redeeming feature of FDR's having polio is he was one Democrat who
couldn't run from the police.

As long as George W. Bush is President, we can periodically count on a
major speech delivered by a minor intelligence. George Bush would be
wise not to bring up the subject of Viet Nam. In fact, he would be
even wiser not to bring up the subject of Iraq. (Cossacks will come
galloping up Pennsylvania Avenue before Bush notices the sinister
gleam in Vladimir Putin's eyes.)

Jane Fonda's radio show aimed at women ended almost before it
started. Fonda, Rosie O'Donnell and Gloria Steinman hoped to replace
talk radio with twat radio.

Conservatives need street fighters and groin kickers to win elections.
Republicans have neither. Nothing will cure the Republican Party of
its timidity but its dissolution.

There's a Monopoly Game especially for illegal aliens. It has a Get
Out of Mexico Free card.

If liberal judges continue releasing child molesters at their present
rapid rate, juvenile lynch mobs will be gathering on Sesame Street.

Research by a group of San Francisco historians has led them to
conclude that the signers of the Constitution were all gay, and
consequently should be referred to as The Founding Fruits.

It is a metaphysical question: which is more fun to watch - a mosque
burning up or a mosque burning down?

Didn't Rosie O'Donnell erase the fine line between obese and o-beast?
Rosie has developed a certain gaminess. When she enters a room the
walls sweat.

Here's today's racial Catch 22: They call you a bigot if you have
nothing good or nothing bad to say about black people.

I can remember a time when Americans thought Andy Hardy was considered
a sex maniac because when he saw a pretty girl he said "woo woo!"

It's amazing how many movie stars consider themselves omniscient,
considering that there never was a time in Hollywood when the Arts
were not on life support.

Here's more political correctness idiocy. Civil Rights leaders will
force interior decorators to stop Caucasians from calling the place
where they sleep "The Master Bedroom".

There is a crisis in the legal profession. Attorneys have begun to
notice a severe shortage of gray areas.

Now that Chinese food is turning out to be poisonous, the Commies are
telling us the only antidote for poisoned Chinese food is soy sauce.

Objectivity is the camouflage used by the mainstream media to hold
itself unaccountable.

As long as we are going to build a fence to keep out illegal aliens,
let's try to build it high enough to keep out their undocumented
flies.

In Robert Redford's film Three days of the Condor, he discovered there
was a CIA inside the CIA and both of them were the bad guys. He should
check to see if there is another Sundance inside of Sundance and
whether it has both talented pinkos and untalented pinkos.

Nobody, but absolutely nobody, primps like John Edwards. He will
probably drop out of the Presidential race after accidentally falling
down and breaking his hair.

Congress is having trouble thinking up laws that they can consider
themselves above.

Considering what a pompous dowager frump Dianne Feinstein is, Groucho
Marx would have had a field day with her.

Blurring racial lines: Bill Clinton is no longer the first black
President. He is now the first white Zulu. After becoming President
there would be nothing left for Hillary other than Divinity. (Then
America would really be in deep ***.)

When Paris Hilton flies on Virgin Airlines the food may be lousy but
the irony is delicious.

The Congressional Black Caucus has announced it will not be available
to go on safaris.

Won't it be fun to have the Arkansas Wishmaster back in the White
House? Putting anyone from Arkansas in the White House is like putting
garage doors on the Taj Mahal.

Compassion is the kind of feigned assistance the heartless render to
people beyond help.

The Democrats believe surrender should replace capitalism as our
national enterprise.

Alas! Tom Tancredo is too on-target to get elected President.

George Bush is determined to shove Mexico up America's ass. That's a
job for a proctologist - not a President.

Presumably, Elvira Arellano decided it is better to continually break
the law in America than to return to Mexico and make big money in
cantinas performing sexual acts with burros. Elvira Arellano looks
like she would be far down the list of Pancho Villa's favorite camp
followers. (Alien activists keep squawking about being deported.
Apparently there is no worse punishment for a Mexican than being sent
back to Mexico.)

It is unfortunate that tropical storm Dean lost some of its pzazz on
its way to the Yucatan peninsula. Mexico might have found it
instructive to have its country invaded by an undocumented hurricane.

Too many judges are lowering rapists bail when it is apparent they
would prefer to lower their pants.

The immigration system is broken and George Bush broke it. The Bush
Administration is broken and George Bush broke that too.

In a perfect world, telephone solicitation would be a hanging offense
and Bill Clinton would be delivering pizzas.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian should be loaned out to Palestinian suicide bombers
as a technical advisor.

With a few minor alphabetical adjustments, MSNBC's Keith Olberman
would be more appropriately named Keith Assholberman.

There has got to be something wrong with any religion where you pray
with your ass facing Heaven and your head facing Hell. Presumably it
is ideal if Allah decides to give the congregation a mass enema.

Heidi Fleiss endorsed Hillary Clinton. That's another felon whose vote
Hillary Clinton can count on.

Hollywood is a hot bed of black chauvinism. So is San Quentin.

Does Rosie O'Donnell fly at bulk rate?

A Catholic Bishop in Holland suggests we call our God "Allah" because
it will placate the Muslims. I suspect the real reason is the Bishop
has hemorrhoids which he feels might be cured by suddenly experiencing
a bolt of celestial lightning up his ass.

I don't know what Fred Thompson wants to be when he grows up but,
apparently, so far being President isn't high among his priorities.

If illegal aliens marched in protest in any other country, they
wouldn't have many survivors, much less protestors.

Don Imus notwithstanding, bigotry is "a black thing".

Ehud Olmert keeps giving away pieces of Israel to the Arabs. This jerk
has a strategy by which he believes Israelcan surrender its way to
victory. The Israeli people will remember their present leader as
Ehud, the Gaza Giver. It's about time Israel's leaders realized that
the best possible reason for denying the Arabs what they want is that
they want it.

Was that Madonna in Lane Bryant trying on an orthopedic leotard?

I will vote for the first candidate who tells Hugo Chavez to go ***
himself.

After Arnold Schwarzenegger got to Sacramento he decided Democrats
aren't all that bad. Perhaps after leaving Austria he decided the
Nazis weren't all that bad. Perhaps the Nazi Party and the Democrats
Party share common goals.

The doctors have finally come to an agreement. Lindsay Lohan does not
have a drinking problem. She has a stopping problem.

It is time to give Wal-Mart a seat on the United Nations Security
Council?

Hollywood gossip columnists are sneering about which Hollywood stars
are "openly heterosexual". They even name names.

Jenna Bush is engaged - like somebody cares.

Interesting protest sign seen at a rally outside the State Department
- "Help Stamp Out Protocol".

In show business originality is the ultimate sin and the ultimate
punishment.

The two most underemployed words used during any political interview
are "Yes" and "No".

Abe Lincoln hoped the nation's problems would be solved with his
courtship of the blacks - not reckoning it would go further down the
porcelain receptacle as a result of Bill Clinton's cynical pandering.

As if Hugo Chavez weren't already power-mad enough, Sean Penn
convinced the Venezuelan dictator that he could be the next Louis B.
Mayer.

Ichthyologists have concluded that listening to Richard Dreyfus
pontificate is what gets great white sharks so pissed off.

The operative question is whether the two parties will move further to
the left of each other before or after the election. The problem is
being considered by world class journalistic fence straddler and
political amphibian David Gergen.

Whoever came up with that description of television as "bubble gum for
the eyes" must have anticipated Katie Couric.

Reading socialist dialectics is the thinking man's narcotic.

Hollywood is America's Intellectual Dust Bowl.

Hillary knows, as she will convince us all in due course, that enough
is never enough.

Al and Tipper Gore are having a tough time deciding which shrouds to
wear to his End of the World party.

There is a homosexual marriage manual on the market - with
illustrations. Theoretically Part A can go into Part A. Of course it's
just a theory.

Allah created Islam in order to foul the world's air conditioners.

Bill Moyer has rendered sedition palatable to the public by labeling
it "Commentary".

Is America ready for an Affirmative Action President, or should we
skip that part and just go for a candidate that has been
lobotomized?"

George Will's recent columns seem increasingly academic and detached,
but who else is there?

Karl Rove left the Bush Administration in the final stages of
intelligence deficit.

The only one with the qualifications to replace Rove is The Shadow.

All Presidential offspring should be drowned at birth in order to
prevent dynasties.

Hillary Clinton can hardly wait to hear what she's going to say next
but it's bound to be something she'll regret.

****

The Atlanta Falcons will probably not end up firing Michael Vick. They
might just add dog- killing plays to their playbook. Either that or
they will make it a part of their halftime show. Vick has already
found support in the NBA from Knick Guard Stephon Marbury. (One does
not expect too much "smarts" from guys whose pituitary glands have run
amok, wear numbers on their underwear, and stuff inflated bladders
through embroidery hoops.)

If Vick gets off lightly, the Atlanta Falcons should be drummed out of
the National Football League, the NFL should be abolished, the City of
Atlanta should be burned to the ground, the State of Georgia should
becomes a member of OPEC - and bombed back into the Stone Age. People
who abuse animals abuse innocence, which is a hideous crime. Loss of
innocence is final and irreversible.

And this ...

Michael Vick is a convincing argument that Martin Luther King failed.



"Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with
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