What Dominic Ebacher is looking for in Love.
- From: ebacherdom@xxxxxxxxx
- Date: 13 Sep 2006 01:35:50 -0700
What am I looking for in a mate?
Well, that question has evolved as I have, growing more complex and
complete as the years fly by. Knowing thus, that the answer will
certainly change as more experience clears my judgment on the matter, I
accept that I can only give you an incomplete picture of who I am
looking for right now, and even that is a moving target. I also accept
that everything I will say here will only be an incomplete set of
guidelines - and certainly neither exhaustive nor set in stone.
Those qualities that I are more requirement will be noted as such, but
otherwise I'd like to believe that I take the whole person into
account and so this little description should not be construed as a
checklist of any sort - finding a mate is a much more holistic
process, and there is no exception for mutual experience and that
magical "spark" that passes between two lovers early in the throws
of infatuation. But, these are my biases and they color my outlook and
major deviations from these biases would require the efforts of a very
special woman.
.... But I don't expect my future partner would be anything but very
special indeed.
So, what am I looking for? I'm looking for a woman who takes my
breath away, and makes me lose my train of thought when I consider her
for even a moment. She'll have a beautiful, if cunning smile and a
wonderful laugh. We'll enjoy drinking glasses of wine together as we
discuss political dilemmas of our modern times, and eating sumptuous
healthy food that we prepared together as the sun sets on the horizon.
We'll never run out of things to talk about - because we've had
years and years apart and so our life together will be continually
working to catch one another up on our past experiences, wisdoms even
as we pursue our passions together in the here and now.
I'm looking for someone who will be my equal. This is asking for a
lot, because I am very strong-willed and so I require by necessity
someone equally as stoic and cunning as I am. As far as relationships
go, I think that I am a very simple person: but I recognize that
nothing about relationships is ever truly simple, and every
complication compounds the mystery that is love between two individuals
(both with their own internal complications). I need someone who can
deal with her world, and help work with me to solve the problems that
life presents us as a couple and hopefully as a family one day if we
are so blessed. I want someone who can assess situations calmly, and
provide reliable leadership (as can I) when things are difficult and in
spite of the pressures of everyday life or emergency (this means no
panicking or freaking out every time a new wrinkle develops).
Emotionally, I would like someone who is on solid ground. Nobody is
perfect, and certainly I have much growth yet to pursue - but at
least you should know what you'd still like to change and be taking
positive steps to make it happen. I believe that there is no way for
one person to "fix" another, and so being emotionally independently
stable and secure is absolutely essential for two people before they
might even consider engaging in a shared emotional union. You can't
build a solid home without a solid foundation, after all.
You'll be worldly and well-versed. You'll have read books and
comprehended them - maybe you don't quote them all the time, but it
will be clear to others that you have thought about and taken in a lot
of the ideas that pass through your life by way of your local library.
There are many people I know who are more well-versed than I who never
went to school - and many doctorates as well who couldn't quote a
classic piece of literature to save their souls: So this isn't about
education, but about having a well-read mind and being able to recall
that information to provide valuable insight when approaching new
problems or situations.
You'll be passionate. I don't know about what you'll be
passionate - but the urge, the desire to be great and pursue
something with all your heart will not be a foreign concept to you (and
one that I share). There is a particular quality in people who have
given their all to something, pursued it with an open heart and
succeeded and this is something that I would hope my future mate would
understand, because it is something about myself that I hold dear and I
would hope that one day we could share at least one experience, one
passion, between us - building a home, raising our children and many
other goals. These are paths that I will pursue with reckless abandon,
to be the best father I can be: and I need someone who would be
committed to this goal wholly and entirely with me (not instead of me,
as many modern fathers I observe every day). Maybe you'll have
played the violin for 18 years, or have written a novel not yet
published. Maybe you'll have a love for animals that you've
pursued to become a vet, or another professional career - but
whatever your passion is I want to know that you've pushed yourself
to obtain it, and that you know what you're undertaking when you
accept the challenge of becoming a wife and mother. Because there will
be challenges, but knowing that the challenges are all part of seeing
the passion come to life is a wisdom I cannot provide, this
understanding must be germane to you even before we ever meet.
You'll be close to your family. Strong family ties are important to
me - because I know full well that when two people come together it
is not only their joining but the joining of their families and
friends; as if two galaxies combine and become more for it. I would
hope your parents were still married, for your sake, but I am very
lucky that mine still are, and I know that things happen in life that
are unavoidable and would not presume to judge the choices of others
before I had ever met them. Your family would probably be religious
too - Catholic or a mainstream Protestant denomination but probably
not babtist, fundamentalist Christian (read literal interpretation of
neither the bible nor speaking in tongues), or anything other religion
with too great an emphasis on evangelism. You yourself were probably
religious when younger, but made a choice (as I did) somewhere along
the way that there were too many oysters and not enough pearls in
organized religion, and it is not the primary, or even secondary focus
of your life and you don't foresee or expect it being so in the
future either.
You have an analytical mind. You're able to solve problems and
provide novel input based upon your experiences. You may not have all
the answers - but you'd know where to go to get them if you needed
to (be it the internet, your personal contacts or phoning a friend).
You'd be confident about things that you knew, and your knowledge
would be reliable (if you said something was one way, it would be
consistently shown that you were right).
You have a liberal slant on social issues, and you have arguments that
you believe in and have argued with others. You're comfortable
debating people with different viewpoints from yourself without
becoming defensive or even raising your voice - more satisfied with
winning them over to your point rationally, or showing them at least
that their position is untenable given the facts at hand. But, if
someone provides you with a new idea or new point that you hadn't
considered before you aren't hesitant in changing your views either.
Your policies and beliefs aren't set in stone, and you've changed
your mind before on major issues because you received new input -
that being said, you find that what you do believe, political or
otherwise, is well backed-up with long consideration on your part and
it isn't often that someone raises an argument that you haven't
before considered (and probably refuted, at least for yourself) before.
You can dress up when the occasion calls for. You have nice dresses
that you enjoy wearing because of how you feel they help highlight your
sexy inner beauty. You regularly wear makeup that enhances both how
others perceive you and therefore gives you the best first impressions
you can make. You like pampering yourself on special occasions. I'd
hope you like wearing skirts - I think they're sexy as hell. I
also like long hair - to a point. You've probably been tanning
before too (I have!) and exercising regularly (be it the gym, running,
or whatever) is something you take part in (and hopefully enjoy). You
try to make your food as healthy as possible - you'd rather cook a
good meal yourself than eat something prepared. You're comfortable
going out - but probably don't eat that much fast food when you do.
You're comfortable in formal situations and can hold your own -
but nobody wears tuxedos all the time, and if it were up to you you'd
probably be wearing a hoodie or tank-top and some shorts if you were
around home.
You like to laugh - and you have a great, if somewhat sophisticated
sense of humor. People are comfortable around you because you engage
them, and make them feel welcomed and humored. You probably don't
engage in conversations that make others feel uneasy or inappropriate:
But you know full well that one man's trash talk is another's
entertainment so you are able to gauge well how your guests are feeling
since everyone's outlook is different. You probably are able to read
people very well, and often steer conversations based on what you
perceive about your listener in addition to what they are actually
telling you. You spend a lot of time listening, and your comments are
provocative, influential, and well-received because of it.
You're thoughtful, probably mostly on-time, remember birthdays and
anniversaries because you like to show others how well you appreciate
what they mean to you. You aren't hesitant in sharing your feelings
with others either, be it telling them that you feel warm when their
around or that they are hurting you with what they are saying at the
time. You can address a problem with someone, resolve it, and then
move on without dwelling on it after. You can be upset, and accept
comfort from a partner rather than isolating yourself and you probably
don't give up if something is wrong but will keep discussing it until
you come to a resolution (because its never good going to bed angry, or
worse: apathetic).
I hope you're well versed sexually - with an appetite for romance
and physical pleasure. You came to this through several loving
relationships I hope, rather than other means - and you know the joys
inherent in being intimate with someone that you care deeply for and
see yourself sharing a future with. You've explored and understand
the pleasures of your own body, and can pleasure yourself as well as
are pleasured by your partner. You understand that communication in
sex is essential, and you're quite able to share with your partner
what they need to do to better please you - because you know what's
missing (and you know when it isn't missing, and aren't afraid to
express that too, though not too loudly all the time you animal!).
Sexy concepts don't make you uncomfortable when they are appropriate
and timely - you probably would enjoy making love 3-4 times a week if
not more and hope your relationship would be healthy enough to permit
for this.
You like it when things are clean and tidy - and if something gets
messy for a day you're okay with it, knowing that you can catch up on
the weekend or when you have a free evening. You like having your home
presentable for unexpected visitors - and you'd probably have a
guest room ready to receive guests, should they join you. This says
something about your ability and commitment to keep an organized
household along with your partner, because it's something you
appreciate and find valuable. You also like having a nice home and
quality belongings that are functional and beautiful - though not
ostentatious or snooty I hope.
You want to have children, a family and a home, though not necessarily
right away or in that order. You're excited about including someone
in your life for the long term, and you feel that you're ready to
take that step now, if you found the right person you could share
yourself with. I hope you like dogs, because I really want to have one
and I would really like it if he/she was a being we could share
together.
.... huh, it seems I've put a little more thought into this than I
had supposed. And I don't think this is even half of what I've
considered. Looking at myself, and what I have to offer - it seems
I'm asking for a lot in return. But there are a lot of people in the
world, and we can't be perfect for all of them - but if two
like-minded people can find one another, what a real blessing that
could be for them and for the world too.
Be well, and may peace and love find each and every one of you.
Dominic
ebacherdom.blogspot.com
060913.0315
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