This week...
- From: "jennieandchris@xxxxxxxxx" <jennieandchris@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2008 03:31:52 -0800 (PST)
A week ago I came here and told everyone about the bombshell that
Chris dropped on me while I was in the hospital. I am dealing with it
and some things are harder then others to get over. I have gotten to
see the boys a few times but things have been so crazy for Chris that
he hasn't had a minute to breathe let alone pick me up to play with
the kids. The kids have given him a run for his money literally and I
am kind of sitting back taking it in and laughing about it. It
doesn't feel right that I can sleep as long at I want to or that I
don't have to clean up after anyone. I have been getting out no less
then once a day and walking about a mild and I REALLY need to get
some friends to go out with and play, dance or what ever it is single
women are supposed to do. Chris's sister and her husband are laid
back and cool. I have been cleaning here and there when I physically
can considering the stress of this whole bombshell has totally F-d up
my pain scale for who knows how long. Every little thing I do, even
if it is moving the things on the bathroom counter to wipe under them
doesn't go un noticed and they are extremely grateful and make a big
todo about thanking me. They said I can stay until May but today they
said that it isn't a majorly important deadline because they like
having me around and wouldn't mind getting a bigger place with me!
They make me feel so great and I am doing very well here.
As I said, Chris had quite the week last week and it is rolling into
this week. Michiel, our ten year old with ADHD and ODD decided to try
and beat up the principal of his school. Yup, you read correctly he
actually tried to. He was suspended for two days with the warning
that next time they were going to call the police on him. Chris set
up his punishment to go over to a friend of our's house and clean dog
poop and any other gross and nasty things she could think of for him
to do. Well, on Thursday night the boys and Chris went to his
Grandparents (boys great-grandparents) who are 82 years old. They
have been helping with the boys after school since Chris has declared
that I am unable to watch them even though I am now taking Provigil
and if I fall asleep on this one there is something serious issues.
Grandma gave Cameron (one of the 6 yr old twins) a stamp set with the
rubber stampers and an ink pad, a red one. He smeared it all over his
face much to his daddy's dismay and Chris was unable to scrub it off
before sending him to school in the morning. Cameron goes to school
and the teacher freaks and sends him to the nurse, the nurse freaks
and takes him to the principal and Cameron gives them the story that
Michiel had beaten him up and this was why his face was so disfigured
and awful. The principal calls me and of course since I am not home
have no clue what they guy is talking about. I gave him Chris's
number and then texted Chris to call me the minute he is done
talking. Chris calls me and said he hadn't gotten the call yet and
wanted to know what was up. I told him and he called the principal
immediately. Well, the prinicipal that he is he had already called
the Sheriff's office and sent them to Michiel's school to question
Michiel. Michiel has no idea what is going on, is scared to death and
tells them that he had hit Logan with a baseball bat and this was why
he thought they were there. Wrong brother, wrong story but admission
to an assault so they arrested him. Poor Michiel was too scared to
cry, have a fit or to do anything. He just sat there in his handcuffs
and just has no idea what he should do, say or think. Chris gets down
to the school and they tell him that they have to have him medically
checked through the ER before they are able to take him into custody
so they take a quick trip to the ER while the policeman explains to
Chris that he is booking Michiel on a mistomeder assault charge but as
Michiel admitted to using a bad the clerk entering the paperwork can
make it what it is supposed to be, a felony assault with a deadly
weapon charge. Chris was running all over town trying to put out this
fire, pick up that kid and went to pick Michiel up as he was released
into Chris's custody.
Today wasn't much better. All of the boys have been fighting about
everything and Chris called me and said he had a big headache.
Everytime he calls and complains I remind him that he chose this. I
know that things are going to get better as the kids adjust and as we
get them into counseling with us so that we can deal with the issues
as a family. Chris is truly better at the house work and all of that
kind of stuff even after working a full day or working.
Chris said that I just lost my steam and that I need to focus on
getting better in terms of the depression which was very severe and
also all of the pain conditions that are contributing to my daily pain
rate. He said that he is going to help me in any way that he can but
that he just isn't in love with me anymore. I feel the same way
actually the more that I thought about it. I had spend so much time
resenting how he was treating me and stayed because I didn't want to
"abandon" the kids and be a bab mom. He was afraid to ask me to leave
him and leave the kids with him so we both just tried to tough it
out. We realized tonight that we pretty much spent the last 2 years
trying to make the other happy and didn't look at what was really
going on.
We both agree that I just can't be a mother right now and that I need
to focus on myself and getting better on my own. He said that he is
happy to take and keep the boys and is sure that he can do it. I
don't know why my depression got as bad as it did but a year on the
couch unable to move makes you appreciate a lot more. I know that he
loves me and always will as do I love him but we both love each other
in different ways and need to move on...now to get myself healthy and
a year or so down the road start thinking about dating.
Coming here has been a big help for me during this last year and I
will continue to come here as I heal and help those I can and ask for
advice from those who can offer it. Thanks to you all!!
Keep Moving Forward,
Jennie
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