Re: Losing yourself.


Ereshkigal wrote:
Janey Pooh's getting to know you thread brought something into my head.
I said the title of my autobiography would be _Losing Yourself_ (or
_Losing Myself_), but the focus would be on losing the parts of me that
are unhealthy for me. Not losing myself, per se, but losing the stress
and the focus on pain and learning to live life a day, minute, or
second at a time.

For me, just stopping to watch the ferrets play for a bit is one of the
things that I do to lose myself. At work, I have a couple of emails
from people higher up in other departments that I thought I'd never see
and make me feel *really* good that I use when I'm stressed to help
reduce that stress. There are a lot of little things that I do every
day and a few I only do sometimes (like get a manicure and pedicure)
that help me lose those parts of me that focus on this DD and instead
focus on the things that are *really* important to me.

What are some of the things that you do to lose yourself in the moment
and enjoy life?

kisses,
e-gal

Good one, e-gal. Hard though. ;o)

'Kay - I guess I lose myself in the moment most often when I'm writing
- unless it's an Assignment or a deadline. I find those very stressful
lately. But when I'm just writing (mostly to you guys right now ;o)
the words just fill up my brain and come out my fingers and I Lose
Myself.

You said you try to focus on things that are *really* important to you?
Well, WORDS are *really* important to me. Always have been. That was
one of the things that's bugged me most about how long it's taking to
"get better" after my aneurysm. But lately I'm getting it back and it
feels so good I cannot tell you.

I should say I'm getting it back in print, cuz I'm still having
problems with the spoken word, and maybe always will. My brain often
chooses the wrong word for something. It's like the side that knows
what I want to say thinks of the right word, but the side that tells my
mouth what to say tells it something completely different. For
instance, yesterday I was out watering my flowers and my son woke up
and came outside to say hi. I told him, "I'll be in as soon as I
finish . . . mowing the lawn." LOL He just smiled and said, " 'Kay!"
He knows what I meant. He's been living with me through all this and
has to decipher what I say 20 times a day sometimes.

But when I'm typing, the words come right out of my brain into the
keyboard and I NEVER type the wrong word - marshmallows instead of
maladies, tulips instead of trolls, waterfall instead of wonderful . .
.. I do that ALL THE TIME in speech. So I lose myself when writing on
the keyboard, cuz I can communicate without having to think twice about
what I said. I usually just type and click send, without even reading
it back before I send it. Sometimes I read through for typos, but
rarely. I don't wanna change the 'feeling' I had when I originally
wrote that sentence, and if I read it back I might. For that reason, I
rarely if ever reply to troll threads anymore - cuz my "stream of
consciousness" writing could get me in trouble. I Sit On Hands instead
of trying to choose and then Edit my thoughts about them. LOL

I also sometimes just LOSE MYSELF - to *nothing* - on purpose.
Sometimes I just sit and think about good htings, and sometimes I just
sit and breathe and think about nothing, if I can.

I lose myself in good books.

I love to cook, so sometimes I lose myself in thoughts about what to
have for dinner. LOL I like to try to make gourmet-like foods on our
very tight budget, so I have to be creative about it. I have to start
cooking by 6:00 or so, cuz at 7:00 or 7:30 I turn into a pumpkin - a
rotten, mushy pumpkin. Last night I fell asleep in the middle of
Jeopardy, which starts at 7:30. I see double or triple or quadruple,
close my eyes and fall asleep. If you try to talk to me, I'll say,
"Shmere thallistick nuchae," which, of course, means "I think I need to
go to bed."

But if I start cookin' at 5:00, I lose myself in the wonders of
blending foods and spices and creating meals to die for (that are good
for you too).

I've been losing myself in my garden, when the mosquitoes aren't too
bad. I didn't get to plant at all last year, because my brain was on
Venus. So this year my garden is like my little 'rescue baby - I've
been babying it like crazy and it's coming along WONDERFULLY. My peas
are COVERED in flowers; I have TONS of cherry tomatoes growing and the
big tomatoes have started too. There's spaghetti squash growing
already, and watermelon flowers. :o) I saw a couple of broccolis
yesterday. YAY!! I have Leeks and onions doing really well, and
carrots and different lettuces and radishes and spinach and all the
regular stuff. I'm using fresh herbs in almost every meal now. My
corn is about mid-shin height - I hope it grows tall enough to produce.
I *love* baby corns right off the whatjamacallit (can't think of the
word for the corn stalk - oh yeah, it's STALK! LOL)

I planted a path of Janie's Dream and Janie's Flame Marigolds that runs
right through the middle of the garden. It's really cool, cuz you can
walk the garden path and it's really obvious where you should walk 'n
all - bright yellow and orange path right through the centre. ;o)
It's surrounded on two sides by potato plants, one one side by a tall
pea fence, and at the back by a little grove of trees. I have a
scarecrow in the middle holding a hoe. I keep hoping he'll weed the
rows for me. :o)

See how I lose myself in my garden? And in my words? ;o)

Take GOOD Care,

Jane

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