Re: Sore Kidney and Hurt Feelings

((((((((((jane))))))))))) don't apologize for griping, cuz you just saved me
the typing to say the same thing, so i'll just say ditto <sigh>

it really hurts to know your alone in your own struggles, but are expected
to fix everything & do everything, and be there for *him* at all times, no
matter what, no questions asked, and without asking for a thing in return
<big sigh>

--
lynn
"Janey Pooh" <janepooh@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1145016787.986074.225700@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lightlady wrote:
(((((((((((((((((janieous)))))))))))))))))))

boy, can i relate to living with a 'cold man' :-( hope your feeling
better
today

It just scares me to think of my future, Lynn. Last night he said, "Am
I bad for you? Cuz I'm not going to change, y'know. I'm the same
person I was 20 years ago." This is also true, which means he'll be
the same person IN 20 years. What happens if, God forbid, I get
*really* sick or something? Will he call me down and gripe at me while
he rolls me over to check for bedsores and changes my diaper? ;o) <g>

When I found out I had a Brain Aneurysm, he was the ONLY person who
ever told me maybe I shouldn't have it taken out, maybe I should just
leave it and see what happens. Maybe I shouldn't trust the doctors
(cuz HE doesn't trust doctors). Now, whenever something's not going
right he says, "See? How do we know this shit would be happening if
you hadn't had the surgery? I wish we'd just ALL left well enough
alone."

Well, well enough was me having seizures and knowing that I'd be living
with a huge aneurysm in my head - a ticking time bomb, if you will.
What kind of life would THAT have been? I'll never know, cuz I DID
have the surgery and now every time something's not going right, he
BLAMES me for that. "If we'd only . . . "

Sometimes I just feel like saying, "F*CK YOU, Clancy! You're the
person who understands me LEAST in the world." Like last night, for
instance. But then I swallowed it all and went and made dinner. Oh
and it was REALLY EASY for me to get up and make dinner with this pain
in my kidney n'all. NOT!!!

Sorry for griping like this, but I'm glad I have a place to, and people
who understand. I'm not sleeping well for the past few nights and I
think that's having an effect on my mood too. Could be the Mirapex,
but if so it's worth it. It's helping so much in other areas that I'll
just have to figure out a way to work with it.

TGC,

Jane




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