Re: Closing my site

"Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in." (old godfather quote
for those who don't know or care)

Thank you Carol. I deeply mean that. You have always
gotten it. You have always shown integrity.

Coincidentally I checked into the group yesterday ( everyone
can think what they want, I don't really care), and checked the
top 5 subject lines, and noticed Mike's post. I occasionally
check in from time to time. Maybe 6 months ago I
dropped in for a little while and saw the same old bull***. Same
players. It was like when I left.... only two years had passed.

So back to Mary.... and yes, I am lumping her post in with yours
for time savings (mine)

I wasn't going to even reply... I've Goggled my name and this group,
so I know it isn't the first time I have been talked about. But
truthfully her post stayed on my mind. Her post just really
reinforces the reasons I dropped out. Not for one second did
Mary consider that my reasons for dropping out might not
involve her or this group. That there might be some
life altering stuff going on in my life. All about her. Her issues
were so big, there was no room for anything else.

The sad thing is....I thought I was tight with Mary. As she says,
we talked on the phone most every day. But on the ng, she never
once stuck up for me and told people how nice and funny and
upbeat I was in real life. And yes, I did *joke* about coming
back as another nym because peoples own bull*** perception
was so opposite of how I really was.

She and I used to laugh about it all the time. She also
neglects to say that I said I could never do it because
it would take so much energy. Plus.. I'll admit, it was kind of
amusing to see that no matter what I said, people would
always see it as bitter. I also find it funny that she
says "I" am the reason for her distrust of newbies. I'd say that
is a little rearrangement of history. Whatever.

Mary: I was never anything but a friend to you. Ever. I never
ever did anything to betray a trust. I never did anything but try to
help you. I never once said anything to anyone about what we
talked about unless I cleared it by you. Yet, you betrayed my
confidences long ago. You will deny it, but it isn't like the first
time you have done this to someone. I'm only slightly surprised it
took so long for you to do so on the group. Privacies never seem
to be private with you. In the back of my head.. I knew this day
would come. I just wasn't sure when.

And as far as choosing your friends for you.....lets not bull***
each other here, huh? I didn't have any control over
that. I did find it disturbing you buddied up to the very people
who talked out of both sides of their mouth, and who had just
backstabbed you. And I voiced that opinion.

So that's it...I've said my piece.

Carol: I do wish you well. I've seen a few posts
about what you have been going through lately, and I only
wish the best for you. I wish I had the time to catch up and
really talk to you about it... but sadly.. I just don't right now.
Don't take it as a slight. You are a good woman.

Crystal




"Carol J" <haveaniceday@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:POydnWftIeX7V6zZRVn-vQ@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Couldn't decide if I was going to "*** in" on this post or not but I
guess
I will. I was around during this time frame you're talking about with
Crystal. I consider myself a good friend of hers. She simply left the
group because she was tired of all the constant bull*** and people that
would say one thing and do another..........like me she didn't like fence
straddlers. She never said to me that she would leave this group and come
back as a newbie, nor do I believe she ever would do that. Maybe she was
joking with you, I don't know. I really respect her, in that you might
not
like what she had to say but admired her for having the guts to say it.
Most folks in real life and in newsgroups will not really say what they
think, they'd rather get along with everyone. Several of us went off and
participated in a yahoo group that I created, I won't say who the members
were. But over time folks got busy and didn't post much. But as I
recall,
Crystal simply didn't need the headache of this group anymore and neither
did I for awhile............so I put my full effort into my private groups
and she got busy in her real life. I do hope she drops in here once in
awhile and knows that she is missed by some of us.
Sometimes..............it's really not about us. Sometimes.........it's
about that person's need to just move on for awhile...............

Carol J

Eq wrote:
I didn't think you were *that* foggy, Mike. ;) Perhaps it's a
blessing that you don't remember (or are just being gentle with me)
the verbal fisticuffs I had with Margo, Nettie, Crystal, you at
times, and just about anybody else I could possibly find reason to
disagree with when I first got the gumption to post.

Crystal simply up and disappeared without giving me any reason why...
I was aware that she had distanced herself from others like Nanny
(Sorry Nanny, but you were the first to come to mind... but there
were many others that Crystal 86ed because of their alliances with
others in the group that Crystal didn't care for) for a time, but she
gave them a reason/email... If memory serves, I even read the one to
Nanny (which is why Nanny came to mind). Apparently, I wasn't worth
the time for Crystal to give me a reason. I was in a lot of distress
at the time, with major teenager problems and my depression wasn't
being properly addressed, leaving me suicidal often. Maybe it was
just more than she wanted to deal with but it seemed kind of mean to
simply just cease communication. She also hadn't wanted me
communicating with Nettie after Nettie & I had reconciled, so maybe
that was part of the reason. I don't honestly know which-what caused
the slamming of the proverbial door. I worried, at the time, that
maybe something had happened to HER and left phone messages to please
let me know that she was all right, but after several weeks (and then
months), it was apparent that she was probably fine and that I had
simply been cast out. At the time, it was a tremendous loss to me,
as we'd talked on the phone almost daily. She had helped me research
legal matters and had been a MAJOR help to me. I wasn't going to let
someone else decide who my friends were (in this case, Nettie,
however I did cease any private communications with Melissa after
Crystal warned me that an alliance with her would blow any friendship
with Crystal) and I would have never attempted to choose her friends
for her or anyone else for that matter.

In hindsight, I wonder if it was just a game for her and if she got
enjoyment out of it. Just prior to "her disappearance", she had
mentioned disappearing from the newsgroup and reappearing later as a
different personality to see if people would treat her differently.
With that in mind, I've been pretty wary of anybody "new" since then.

It was an important lesson, though, in being sure that people I call
"friends" are truly friends. Anyway, with the exception of Crystal
(although at one point, even with Crystal), I mended fences with many
of my sparring partners and am in fact, truly grateful to have them
in my lives.

And this will sound lame, but at that time in my life (and this was a
span of several years in this newsgroup, but it had been an
on-again-off-again pattern in my life for years prior), I usually had
verbal brawls initially with just about anybody that I was
considering investing time/friendship. I guess it was my
dysfunctional way of seeking out and setting boundaries. It was a
very poor method of doing so and I don't offer any excuses, only
apologies.

When I started seeing my teens copying my poor role-modeling, I
sought help QUICKLY (therapy and proper meds for my depression, ptsd
and multiple anxiety disorders) and have stayed with it. We also
talk a lot about how Tif & Amber need to be their own people, not
repeat my mistakes and I'll help them in anyway I can for them to
succeed. They know that and I remind them (pretty much daily...not
like a pre-programmed spiel each day, but with encouragement about
the positive things going on in their lives). At the very least, a
day doesn't pass that they don't hear, "I love you" and know that I
mean it. We also talk about my many mistakes made while they were
growing up (and hell, we'll never run out of those to talk about...
single parenting was and is a lot more difficult than I ever could
have imagined).

And yes, of course, Mike, you've done your share of arguing, but dare
I say that you at least didn't sink to name-calling (not counting
spammers, of course) and if you did, it was much, MUCH less than my
own hideous behavior. Seems like there was something about coming
into a new place (and it happened to be alt.med.fibromyalgia on
USENET, in this case for me) and trying to change it to fit me
instead of doing more observing, learning and realizing it was and is
a group in progress and isn't here to change radically for my
perceived (at the time) needs.

Argument in and of itself isn't a bad thing (especially if one looks
at the actual definition which is simply to persuade or try to prove
something one way or another). It makes the group interesting,
hearing different opinions and different sides of some of the same
issues. If we all agreed all the time, it'd be a pretty boring
place. On the other hand, the flame wars are a very good example of
an argument gone awry.

Hmmmm... wasn't going to write a book, but seems this has gotten
lengthy. Guess I had stuff on which I needed to reflect... Thank you
for the kind words. I appreciate your not having held a grudge.
With a whole 'nother month to go, I'm sure we'll find some
controversy to either *** heads about or with which to irritate
others. ;)

Mary


"MikesBrain" <Mike@xxxx> wrote in message
news:eO6Yf.52402$UH4.1962@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2006-04-03, Responding to Eq...
As one of your adversaries at one time (Lord only knows why... I
did a *lot* of arguing with folks back then... no clue why I was so
oversensitive
to things, but it *is* kind of embarrassing), I have to admit that
you'll be
missed. Hope you get back online soon.

Adverseries? *YOU* did a lot of arguing? I thought that was moi? ;)

As for "kind of embarrassing", I thought you were pretty cool.

Once the grand plan reaches it's conclusion, I'll be back!

Ya got another month of me to go yet though, so don't waste it. :)


Mike@xxxx
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* Mike@xxxx's WebStuff @ http://tinyurl.com/lt8xe
- Have a nice day, it really does do you good! :)




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