Re: pain and emotions
- From: "dingalingdeb" <ding@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 18 Jan 2006 01:44:30 GMT
I hearya Rene'; your words remind me of a line in the book/movie 'Delores
Clayborne' (by Stephen King) where Delores (Kathy Bates) says 'Sometimes
being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to'. Yup, that can pretty well
sum things up sometimes :-)
I also want to thank you Lynn, this is an excellent and very informative
missal; I enjoyed it marvellously much.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
"René" <My.Pencil@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
> Thanks so much for posting this. I'm saving it to keep on hand when I
> need it. And I'm not snipping anything, because if someone misses your
> post, perhaps they'll see mine and realize that it's great for all of us.
> Many of you know that these past few years have been hell for me.
> Everytime I try to pinpoint exactly when my world collapsed, I can't do
> it, because things snowballed, year after year, until it became so big
> that it knocked me down and I couldn't get up again.
> A few weeks ago, I was just surfing and came across a site that I used to
> visit before we moved to Iowa. It's a bunch of tests you can take --
> personality kinds of tests. I used to breeze through them and come away
> thinking, "I'm still OK." But the last time I took those tests, I think
> it was a turning point for me. Having it down "in black and white," it
> stared back at me and made me totally acknowledge how much I had changed.
> I don't like the person I am now, but I know I can change some of that.
> I've met other tough times in my life and got through them all with my
> sanity, emotions, and spirit relatively intact. I know I've changed, but
> it's because I've had to. If I hadn't changed, I'd be a quivering mass
> of nothingness. It's in my spirit to survive -- it just seemed to go all
> to hell at once and I needed to have a nervous breakdown to protect
> This article touched upon nearly every emotion I've had. And it reminded
> me that these emotions don't rule my life if I don't let them.
> So many of us here have gone through "hell and high water," and survived.
> (God bless all you Katrina survivors!)
> Love ya!
> "lightlady" <me@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
>> Chronic pain: Managing your emotions
>> From MayoClinic.com
>> Special to CNN.com
>> When chronic pain intrudes on your life, you may feel overwhelmed by
>> emotions. Panic, grief and anger are just a sampling. Like the pain that
>> spawns them, these emotions can linger and transform you into a different
>> person. A person you don't like. A person no one likes.
>> When you see that your own words and actions convey anger and bitterness,
>> your sense of self-worth takes a plunge, and your relationships suffer as
>> well. Your strong, negative emotions also can produce changes in your
>> that sap your energy and intensify your pain. Your pain and unhappiness
>> may trigger cycles of difficult emotions and dysfunctional behavior in
>> around you.
>> Now the good news. There are healthy ways to deal with your inevitable
>> understandable negative emotions. If you take advantage of these
>> you not only will improve your relationships, but also may become more
>> effective at managing your pain.
>> Admit your loss
>> For many people, the first step in dealing with negative feelings is to
>> admit that the feelings exist. That's very difficult for some people to
>> especially in a culture that often praises the optimist and criticizes
>> If you're grappling with chronic pain, one of the earliest and most
>> wrenching emotions you experience is a deep sense of loss. You may miss:
>> The healthy person you once were
>> Your independence
>> Your privacy
>> Job satisfaction
>> An enjoyable hobby
>> Sexual intimacy
>> Untroubled family relationships
>> Gatherings with friends
>> Feelings of energy and confidence
>> A sense of happiness
>> These are difficult losses. You may feel as if nearly everything precious
>> you has vanished. Your natural response is to grieve. Grieving can
>> various feelings. Even within a single day you may experience several
>> different emotions.
>> Many people respond to chronic pain with the same feelings that typically
>> accompany the loss of a loved one:
>> Denial. You may deny that pain is an unavoidable part of your life. You
>> continually seek a cure or quick fix, even though you've been told your
>> is incurable or requires a long-term program of rehabilitation.
>> Anger or frustration. You've tried numerous ways to control your pain and
>> nothing seems to be working. You find yourself more irritable more often.
>> You get upset when others don't seem to understand what you're going
>> Depression. You become overwhelmed by feelings of sadness, worthlessness
>> helplessness. You don't feel like doing anything, and you have difficulty
>> concentrating. You withdraw from others.
>> Guilt and shame. You sense you're not the person you used to be. You feel
>> that you're somehow failing those who are closest to you.
>> Acceptance. You stop focusing on things you can't change and begin to
>> to the future. You accept that your pain is a part of your life.
>> You may come to terms with your pain more easily if you:
>> Recognize your losses as serious. Don't trivialize them.
>> Admit your feelings to yourself and others - to supportive family members
>> and friends, as well as to your doctor. Acknowledging and talking about
>> feelings is the first step toward emotional health.
>> Give yourself time for emotional healing, and ask your doctor, a
>> or a therapist for advice and help.
>> Manage your anger
>> Unrelenting pain, interrupted sleep, unsuccessful treatments, job woes
>> insurance battles - a lot of things can make you angry, especially when
>> you're in pain. But it's unhealthy to stay angry, bottle up your anger or
>> express it with explosive outbursts.
>> Mismanaged anger can hurt you in many ways. Whether it's short-term and
>> intense or lingering and subdued, anger causes your body to release
>> chemicals that can lead to headaches, backaches, high blood pressure,
>> irritable bowel syndrome and other health problems. Anger can also
>> your pain. It typically produces muscle tension, making it difficult to
>> Here are some ideas to help you manage your anger:
>> Identify your anger triggers. If, for example, a visiting friend
>> manages to upset you, knowing this ahead of time can help you prepare for
>> the next visit. Think about discussion topics that spark your anger and
>> practice what to say to defuse the situation. For example, if your friend
>> starts to bring up a past dispute, you might respond by saying, "Oh,
>> discussed that before. Certainly we've got more interesting things to
>> Identify symptoms of emerging anger. What do you do when you start to get
>> angry? Do you clench your teeth? Do your neck and shoulders begin to
>> up? Read these symptoms like a caution light - a warning that you're
>> Respond appropriately to your symptoms. When you find yourself becoming
>> angry, take a short timeout. Count to 10, take a few deep breaths, look
>> a window - anything to buy time so that your brain can catch up with your
>> emotions, and you can think before you act.
>> Give yourself time to cool down. Before you confront the person who's
>> you angry, find a way to release some of your emotional energy. Go for a
>> walk, listen to music or clean the house.
>> Don't bottle up your anger. If your anger stems from what someone did or
>> said, talk directly to that person. Don't verbally attack the person with
>> accusations and a history of how this person has angered you in the past.
>> Deal only with this episode, and approach it from the perspective of how
>> feel instead of what the person did. For example, try a statement like
>> "I feel hurt by what you said." That way, you're more likely to find a
>> receptive listener than if you launched a blame-offensive statement, such
>> as: "You insulted me for the 20th time today!"
>> Find release valves. Look for creative ways to release the energy
>> by your anger. These might include listening to music, painting or
>> in your journal.
>> Seek advice. If anger-provoking situations continue, confide in people
>> care about you, such as family members or friends. Ask them to help you
>> brainstorm possible solutions. You might even try role-playing scenes
>> spark your anger so that you can practice a healthy response.
>> You can't keep yourself from getting angry, but you can manage your anger
>> that it doesn't become an ongoing problem that aggravates your pain.
>> Practice positive thinking
>> To help yourself cope with the upsetting emotions that chronic pain can
>> produce, try positive self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of
>> that run through your head every day. Some people refer to this process
>> automatic thinking.
>> Your automatic thoughts may be positive or negative. Some are based on
>> and reason. Others may be misconceptions that you formulate from lack of
>> adequate information. The goal of positive self-talk is to weed out the
>> misconceptions and challenge them with rational and positive thoughts.
>> Here are some common forms of irrational thinking. Try to identify and
>> challenge these types of thoughts:
>> Filtering. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out
>> all of the positive ones. For example, you had a great day at work. You
>> completed your tasks ahead of time and were complimented for doing a
>> and thorough job. But you forgot one minor step. That evening, you focus
>> only on your oversight and forget about the compliments you received.
>> Personalizing. When something bad occurs, you automatically think that
>> you're to blame. For example, you hear that a family picnic has been
>> canceled and you start thinking that the change in plans is because no
>> wanted to be around you.
>> Generalizing. You see a troubling event as the beginning of an unending
>> cycle. When your pain fails to go away, your thoughts may proceed as
>> follows: "I'll never be able to do what I used to." "I'm a burden to
>> everyone around me." "I'm worthless."
>> Catastrophizing. You automatically anticipate the worst. You refuse to go
>> out with friends for fear your pain will act up and you'll make a fool of
>> yourself. Or one change in your daily routine leads you to think the day
>> will be a disaster.
>> Polarizing. You see things only as either good or bad. There's no middle
>> ground. You feel that you have to be perfect or you're a failure.
>> Emotionalizing. With this type of distorted thinking, you allow your
>> feelings to control your judgment. If you feel stupid and boring, then
>> must be stupid and boring.
>> You can learn positive self-talk. The process is simple, but it takes
>> and practice. Throughout the day, stop and evaluate what you're thinking.
>> And find a way to put a positive spin on your negative thoughts. Start by
>> following one simple rule: Don't say anything to yourself that you
>> say to someone else. Be gentle and encouraging. If a negative thought
>> your mind, evaluate it rationally and respond with affirmations of what
>> good about yourself.
>> Eventually, your self-talk will automatically contain less self-criticism
>> and more self-acceptance. Your spontaneous thoughts will become more
>> positive and rational.
>> <snip >
>> Boost your self-esteem
>> Here are some ways to redirect your thoughts when you start getting down
>> Structure your day with goals you can meet. When the day is done, you'll
>> feel a sense of accomplishment.
>> Talk with a friend. Having someone who's willing to take time to listen
>> you lets you know that you're valued.
>> Spend time with others. It will make you feel more connected and less
>> Help someone. It reminds you that your life makes a difference.
>> Treat yourself to something you enjoy. This might be some new music, a
>> book or a scoop of gourmet ice cream. Just as you buy gifts for others
>> are feeling blue, you need to do the same for yourself.
>> Spruce up your appearance. Try a different hairstyle. Buy some new
>> The better you look, the better you feel about yourself.
>> List reasons people like you. It reminds you that you have special
>> people enjoy.
>> List things you do well. Then do one of them.
>> Living with chronic pain can take a toll on your mood, outlook,
>> relationships and self-image. It may take a struggle, but if you can
>> your anger, practice positive thinking, challenge your expectations and
>> assert yourself, you'll find renewed joy and purpose in life.
- Re: pain and emotions
- From: lightlady
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