Re: My Christmas Dilema

If I may suggest :
Perhaps what you need to do is accept the way they are and move on with your
life. This is not the same thing as saying they're actions are right or even
acceptable on a moral level. It's accepting that it is the way it is and you
can not change them. It is also not the same as 'forgiving'. IMO, it is
impossible to forgive unilaterally, just as it is impossible to declare
peace unilaterally. Forgiveness is a process that requires at the very least
an acknowledgement of the injury by, and some gesture of atonement from, the
offending party. Otherwise, the message you're sending is that they were
right to do what they did, and it sets you up to be abused again and again
(words like 'enabling' and 'co-dependence' spring to mind).

I guess I'm saying that it's not good to turn yourself inside out to force
'forgiveness' as they have done nothing to merrit it. This does not make you
a bad person; it is a defensive tactic and it is perfectly normal to want to
protect yourself in this situation.

Unless they can grasp how they have hurt you, I don't understand how they
can be forgiven.

This is one of those 'rock and a hard place' situations, and all I can do is
send good thoughts to you for comfort and wisdom to deal appropriately with
this.

Margo


Junebug wrote:

> It makes very much sense to me, thank you very much. You are right, I
> don't think they'd care.
> Junebug
> "Mo" <mrmossis@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
> news:UUsof.3301$WH.718@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > Junebug,
> >
> > You can forgive, but do not have to forget or put yourself in a
> > position for them to repeat the hatefulness. I don't think forgiving
> > someone means you need to tell them you forgive them, because to mean,
> > thoughtless people, they just don't care. Once you forgive them, it
> > will cease to be a dilemma. I find hatred ate me up and hurt me much
> > more than it ever hurt the person/s it was aimed at. I hope this
> > makes sense to you.
> >
> > --
> > Laurie
> >

.

Relevant Pages

  • Forgiveness best if its a two-way street
    ... Psychologist says, first, honour your hurt ... While forgiving has been marketed as the new physical and mental ... supervisor in Yale University's department of psychology, ... "That's particularly true when the offender is not sorry," she says. ...
    (soc.culture.filipino)
  • Re: My Christmas Dilema
    ... Junebug ... I don't think forgiving ... > thoughtless people, they just don't care. ... > more than it ever hurt the person/s it was aimed at. ...
    (alt.med.fibromyalgia)
  • Re: My Christmas Dilema
    ... them to repeat the hatefulness. ... I don't think forgiving someone means you ... I find hatred ate me up and hurt me much more than it ever hurt ...
    (alt.med.fibromyalgia)
  • Re: Long time......
    ... at least her mother did not try to have her ... The people here are going to stop forgiving you, ... Past things you know nothing of or care to bother to remember. ... that it is ok to lie to him or lie to others ...
    (alt.med.fibromyalgia)
  • Re: Amateur Poll: ARRL Certification and Continuing Education (C-CE)
    ... stable and forgiving than I am and get taken care of sooner ... Steve did say that people who shoot off their mouth might have their ...
    (rec.radio.amateur.policy)