Re: OT-I need opinions
- From: "Hellacious Jeb" <jeb7591@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 15 Sep 2005 21:25:26 GMT
Honey, NO you are NOT being a bitch! Far from it, in fact! :-)
I'm not good with the 'kudo words' ... others I know will say things LOTS
more better ... and yup, I KNOW they'll be responding and give you some good
"my reaction' is that your mom is clinging to you cuz she's just totally
scared of being completely alone ... your dad's passing not only left a HUGE
hole in her life, but she's had to 'grow up' more or less, and start taking
responsibility of HER own living.
and that's HARD on anybody, let alone a 60-yr old young'un!
But, realistically, sweetie, she can NOT and SHOULD not expect YOU to take
over those things that your dad did for her in order for her to live in her
own little world.
(oh man I'm sounding judgemental, and I'm trying soo hard not too!)
Charl, you truly DO have the right to set up boundaries on what areas that
you will be available to help your Mom.
I'm sorry that she's making YOU feel guilty about not being able to jump at
her every beck and call ... notwithstanding the fact that you have some
really REAL physical probs that you're dealing with and going thru.
It's really REALLY hard to have to draw a line with ANYbody, especially a
family member .. and jeez! a parent ta boot??? I can completely understand
the ambivalence you're feeling about standing up to your mom. One thing I
DO know for sure ... is that once you've established some really solid
boundaries .. on what you can and what you WILL do ... she'll test it, just
like anybody would ... just to see if'n she'll get her way ... an dyou'll
have to stand strong, knowing that YOU ARE RIGHT in establishing
Gee, I'm not even sure I'm explaining things right .. nor even if i'm
stepping on toes here. IF i have, I'm soo sorry! :-}
Hugz n Luvz!
> This is my first post and it is entirely off topic, please forgive me.
> It's just that I don't have anyone else to talk to about this and I
> need to know what someone else thinks.
> My Dad died two years ago, and my Mom was completely dependent upon
> him for everything. She is extremely bipolar and is on three
> different meds for it at this time.
> She exagerates (sp?) greatly about EVERYTHING, as in: every pain she
> has is EXCRUCIATING,(keep in mind she doesn't have fibro, anykylosing
> spondylitis (I have both), nor anything else, other than being
> bipolar), every bad thing that happens is a tragedy in her world,
> etc..etc... She is only 60 and she is in good health.
> Before my Dad died she had never gassed up her own car, used an ATM
> card, etc...
> Ok, so since Dad died, I have helped her fill out her disability
> paperwork, her Medicare paperwork, driven her to her shrink
> appointments, see her every Saturday and spend the day with her, call
> her EVERY night, (because if I don't I get the third degree, why
> didn't you call? what happened? you have to call me every night,
> etcc...). Now, for the last 3-4 weeks, she has taken to calling me at
> work, crying..." I don't feel good", "My bird is screaming cuz he
> doesn't like his new cage, and we have to bring it back, RIGHT NOW",
> etc.. The last time she called saying she was sick and crying, she
> was AT THE BEACH LATER THAT AFTERNOON-feeling fine. Now, I, however,
> was at work, all upset and crying because I was worried about her.
> So today, she called AGAIN, this morning crying and saying how sick
> she was. I am having an AS and Fibro flare, and I am at the end of my
> rope (you all know what I mean), and I got so angry,(she knows that my
> husband and I only have one car, and he has it, so it's not like I
> could go and pick her up and bring her to to doc or anything, and keep
> in mind she has her own car, parked right outside). So, I got so
> angry, that I told her if she was that sick she should pick up the
> phone and call an ambulance.
> Now I am feeling like a big piece of shit. I mean, how much more can I
> do? I am her only lifeline to the world. I've suggested that she do
> some volunteer work, walk dogs, read to the blind...something.
> Watching TV is not a life. You need to have meaning in your life. She
> complains that she is lonely, yet will take NO steps whatsoever, to
> leave her house and meet people. I've suggested senior citizens,
> libraries, mall workers...all to no avail.
> So my question is this: Am I being a bitch or what? I just don't know
> what to do. I'm trying my best to keep my cool, but it seems like with
> every phone call she is sucking what little life I have left right out
> of me, leaving an empty husk.
> Thanks for listening to this newby whine about non fibro related
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