Re: I'm just heartbroken...

"Randy" <GG@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1125472854.838539.209000@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

:OK,

:I'm taking a chance at having any last shreds of manliness stripped
:from my reputation, but here's the secret.

I appreciate the chance you took, Randy. But you're manliness is definitely
stick in tact!!!

:Give him a taste of what he wants. Move out (if possible).

No fucking way. My attorney and every single one of my friends have told me
"DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THAT HOUSE".

:Better yet,
:have *him* moved out, with the help of an attorney and a trial
:separation *with* a temporary restraining order (without which you
:prolly couldn't evict him). Don't even talk about "who gets what". Show
:the house as the center of what is needed to get you back to healthy,
:to SAVE your marriage.

We discussed some options when this all came out yesterday. He suggested I
have my dad foot the bill to put me in an apartment for now. He wants to
keep the house, our four cats and the Basset Hound. He said I could take my
new Chihuahua pup w/me. I kinda had to laugh at this inside. It would be
OH SO convenient to have the wife just walk right out the door after HE
decides he doesn't love me and he wants the house for his own. (The house
is in _both_ of our names).

:Tie it to your health; say you don't feel "safe" with him around, and
:not living anywhere but in your home, with the comfort and security it
:brings. You're *not* in physical danger, but your *health* is in danger
:of not recovering if things contine as they have been.

He would never, ever physically hurt me. But he hurt me emotionally last
week while he was gone on business. He went out every night with his reps
and had late dinners and lots of drinks. He'd either call with a brief
message, or he'd not call at all. The last day he was gone, I put my foot
down and told him to stay in touch with me b/c he was driving me fucking
crazy with hurt. So, he was kind enough to telephone me 5 times that day
and evening.

:Say you need a
:home health care nurse (female) to come take care of you while you try
:to recouperate.

This is off the wall, Randy. I get around just fine. When my pain is bad,
I just shut up and suffer in silence. I have nothing but aspirin to take
away the pain. Oh, and my good ole heating pads.

:Say it's not a malicious act at all; you LOVE him. But
:you're simply not gonna get better without him OUT of the house, and
:trained professional care there instead (and worry about getting them
:later.) With him there, or with you away from home, you simply don't
:stand a chance.

:Why the plot?

:Because once he finds out how miserable he is without you, and starts
:to feel what it's like to not even be able to live in his own home
:because he's not getting the job done, he'll come crying for
:forgiveness and a whole lot more... begging to take care of you,
:waiting on you hand and foot. He'll remember that you're the center of
:his universe, what *he* needs. The house will seem secondary to your
:health/happiness for him even if you end up separating.

I will not give him a separation. I will fight this divorce with all that I
have because I WANT TO STAY MARRIED. As far as him realizing I am the
center of his universe... well, that's the problem. I've been the center
of everything in his life w/my health, mental health, addictions, etc. He's
tired of living his life around my complicated one.

:It's not even the missing sex with your wife thing... it's the whole
:need for taking care of others thing he'll miss, if it was there from
:the beginning. Being the man, the provider, the care-giver, the solace
:giver, the protector, the guardian...

Again, getting away from being the provider, the care-giver, the solace
giver, the protector, etc., is what he wants. He wants to be 'free' of my
responsibilities.

:That will work if there's even a shred of wanting to stay with you left
:in him. And if not? You have just set the stage for keeping the house
:if he divorces you, because you've shown it's *instrumental* in your
:recovery, the "sine qua non" (without which, not). Puts the onus of
:your recovery on him. He's gone until you're better, and if you don't
:get better, he loses you AND the house.

I think he only really cares about the house.

:Bingo. It's worked for wives longer ago than the Greek wars. It should
:work for you and for your hubby. It will bring him back, or it will set
:things up such that you are made as whole as possible (or better), even
:if he should leave you.

I would like to think your entire post will help me save our marriage.
Unfortunately, his heart is NO LONGER into this. Emotionally, he is gone
already. And, I miss him so much. :(

:Hang in there. It's way too early to quit.

`Am hanging on by a thread. But reality tells me to let go and go "splat".

Laurie


~*LiveLoveLaugh*~ wrote:
> ~*LiveLoveLaugh*~ wrote:
>
> I finally got him to talk right now. He DOES want a divorce. He has an
> appt. on Thursday w/his atty. He'd like to keep the house and have me
move
> into an apartment and have my dad pay for it.
>
> Say what??? How FUCKING CONVENIENT for him.
>
> --
>
> ·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
> ¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
> Laurie
> ((¸¸.·´ ..·´
> -:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·
>
> *~*LiveLoveLaugh*~* Aloha!!!!!
>
> "There is no remedy for love but to love more"...
> ~~Henry David Thoreau


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